Love the way it hurts
by Zlorecile
Summary: Zena thought that she would finally escape the abuse when she fled home with her little brother. But instead of her father, it now comes from the school gang and Gaara of the Sand: named such for the state he leaves his victims in. Will he destroy this newly established model, or be the one to save her? GaaraXOC, AU.
1. Bronzite

The bell rang and swiftly, without another word I packed my books up into my bag.

"Tch, look at the way the slut dresses. That shirt is like, five sizes to big!"

I sighed. That was Karin. The red head was one of many who loved to make my life hell. At least she didn't physically touch me.

"She probably just does it to make herself look thinner. The whore." One of Karin's followers laughed.

I have a name and its Zena… I sighed to myself. I doubted they even knew what my real name was. I pushed my chest length hair over my shoulder and moved to get out of the school. I needed to get to the daycare. I didn't have time to deal with the school bullies.

I remember when I first came here a little under a year ago. I was a junior and came in during the second term. I had friends. I had a lot actually. I was decently popular…

But that was before I became a "_target_". Konoha high was a twisted place. It had a twisted system that the principle Tsunade, and all the teachers ignored. Even the police. It was wrong. Especially when you were a target. I had only been here a month when they had me marked.

I shoved my way past the girls and out the door. Past Karin, a girl who was my friend when I first came here. Everyone had turned on me. Even Hinata and Sakura wouldn't talk to me out of fear for their own safety. I couldn't blame them. It was nice that they never participated in the bullying. It still hurt though. It was a lonely existence. Well, I wasn't completely alone. I had someone waiting for me at the daycare right now.

"Hey bitch." I stopped. Apparently I wasn't getting out that easily. Everyone in the hallway picked up their pace, wanting to get out of there.

I froze and stared down. I was wearing the same white shirt and baggy jeans I had worn the day before. My jacket was ripped on the seam, but did its best to ward of the December weather. I sighed and turned around.

Three men stood before me. Three of the group that called themselves the Shukaku. Their leader was Gaara and right hand man was Sasuke. Hidan, Sasori, Konan, Pein, Itachi, Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru, Shino, Deidara, Zabuza, Kisame, and Kiba were also part of it. Right now I was faced with Gaara, Deidara, and Sasori.

And I was the target of these men.

It was sick, but they would pick a person. They would isolate them, and they would break them. Sometimes it took a week before they killed themselves, sometimes it took a month and they ended up killing them by 'accident'. Sometimes the person would just break down into an empty shell. It had never lasted more than three months, or so I heard. Well... until me. It had started a month after I transferred here. It had gotten bad. I had scars from it, physically and mentally. I knew I would have broken down long ago... but I had someone that was keeping me going. A bond that these men could never break.

"Hey! You should answer when someone talks to you un!" The one named Deidara spoke again.

"Yes?" I asked. I knew what they wanted. It was what they always wanted. To try and destroy me.

Deidara walked to my left and Sasori to my right. Gaara remained grinning. A grin that was insane. A grin full of lust. Bloodlust. I looked down. I didn't understand. Surely the teacher saw this… why did they do nothing?

"I think we should teach you some manners. Don't you Deidara?" Sasori smirked.

My heartbeat picked up. I knew that this was coming. I was used to it by now. So why did I get still so nervous and afraid?

"Yeah, I do un." He grabbed my bare arm and squeezed hard. I had a bruise there already, so I flinched. He only smirked and squeezed harder.

"You think that's painful?" Gaara glared. He walked over and shoved me against the lockers, banging my head on them. I looked into his aqua eyes that seemed to see everything. I looked away.

"You know, I think I've become addicted to your blood Zena. I think I want to see more of it."

I closed my eyes. He brought his mouth down to my neck, and when he did next surprised me. He bit me! My eyes shot over and I whimpered slightly. He bit into the skin and then came up a second later. I could feel the blood dripping down my collar. My hands would have flown to my neck, If Sasori and Deidara weren't each holding one.

"Y-you just… bit me?" I was shocked. Seriously?

A drop of my blood resided on Gaara's lips. His tongue darted out and licked it up. He licked my neck once more and then backed away. "Deidara, Sasori, come. We need to meet the gang at the lot."

The other two let go of me, laughing at my wound. I was let off easily this time. They threw a few more insults at me before departing. I felt a few tears prick my eyes once they were out of site. I refused to break down though.

I leaned against the wall for another second. Everyone had deserted the school while the three did their job. I needed to get going too. I had responsibilities I couldn't ignore.

I winced as I moved my shoulder. That bite mark hurt more than one would think.

It was four when I got out the door. School had ended at 3:47. It was early December so it was already getting dark. I picked up my pace and made my way to Konoha day care center. It was only a few blocks away thank god. I was able to hide my injury, and pulling my jacket up a little, the bite wound was barely visible. I plastered a smile on my face.

"Shizune?" I called to the head of the day care. A kind looking woman with a pig at her feet walked up. She smiled softly.

"You're here! Took you long enough." She teased.

"Sorry, I got held up a little. I haven't been this late in a while…" I apologized.

"No problem. You're only five minutes late. Zakari?" She hollered behind her.

A boy with white hair and blue eyes popped up behind her. He looked strikingly like me, but he had blue eyes like my father did. I grinned. "Zakari! How was day care?"

"Fun!" The toddler grinned. He was three years old and in my opinion had movie star looks. He was my life and I loved him like a son… He was what kept me going when it was too much to continue on. I was thankful that god had given me someone like him.

"Thank you for understanding Shizune! I promise I won't be late again!" I bowed again. She waved it off and disappeared back in. I looked at the little boy. He was bundled up in a large blue coat. It was little worn and I felt bad that I hadn't gotten him a better one yet. His jeans were still in good condition, but his left sneaker had a hole in it. They were the only pair he had. I would have to buy him more. He was growing so fast…

"Come on, let's go home Zakari." I smiled kindly.

"Ok!"

"So, what's the weather like today?" I asked. I liked to try and ask him as many questions as possible to stimulate his mind.

"It's coldy!" He chirped.

I laughed. "Coldy isn't a word Zakari. It's cold."

"Cold!" He repeated.

"Yep." We weaved through the crowd.

"Mommy, can you carry me?" He asked.

I sighed. Yes, he was my little brother, but I was his legal guardian ever since I escaped my abusive parents with him, got emancipation and filed for custody of him. It took a lot of proving myself and taking classes and earning money. Eventually the lawyer I hired had won the case. It had cost me three grand, almost all my savings. But no amount of money could be too much when it came to Zakari. He had grown up calling me his mom. I didn't mind really. I loved him like a son anyways.

"Sure honey." I grinned. I wined a little as I lifted him onto my shoulder and walked the rest of the way home. I worked on Sunday from 9 to 8, Monday from 5 to 8, Tuesday, and Thursday from 4 to 10, and Wednesday from 3 to 11. I had Fridays and Saturdays off. It brought in all the money needed for food and clothes for the two of us. The state and church provided free daycare for him when I was at school and working. I was considering dropping out of school, as I was 16 and was capable. I just couldn't bring myself to doing it. I needed to go to college and get a degree to earn a steady living for the both of us. I didn't want to end up working at the maid café for the rest of my life.

I walked up to a rundown apartment. It was a lot like a slum house. But it was clean. I also got to stay there for free because of a certain… agreement the landlord and I had. It was a good deal. It gave me more money to spend on Zakari

I opened the wooden door. There were three rooms. A kitchen which you entered when you opened the door, a bedroom to the left, and a bathroom. It was a tidy little place. The carpet was light blue and the walls white. The tile was also a blue. The kitchen was small with white counters and a white fridge. I was the dishwasher.

The bedroom had a twin bed in one corner with a fluffy blue blanket and brown sheets. A single brown pillow that was flat and uncomfortable. The closet had four items hanging up. A heavy coat of mine, a dress I had inherited from my mother, a tux that I had Zakari use when we went to church, and lastly a snow suit for Zakari that the church had given us as well.

Three toys littered the bedroom floor. It was all that Zakari had. I felt bad once more about not being able to do more for him. He was happy though. I was so grateful that he was not a selfish boy. He seemed to understand our situation.

"And doooown we go! Like an airplane!" I hollered, grabbing him and putting him on the ground "I'm going to go make dinner ok? How about you go play?"

He nodded his head. "Will you play with me after we eat?"

I smiled. "Of course. Now dinner will take me just a minute!"

I first changed into a pair of holey grey sweats and a blue t-shirt that I had gotten out of a free box at Church. I pulled my messy armpit length white hair up into a messy ponytail with a ribbon. I then hung up my "school clothes" and walked into the kitchen.

I pulled out some frozen chicken nuggets and popped nine of them in the microwave. I got out two plates. One was plastic Aladdin one. I put some canned spinach and a cup of apple juice on the plate. Once the nuggets were done I placed five of them on the plate and four on mine. I put the leftover spinach in the fridge. I would save it for him. I took it over and placed it on the makeshift table. Another donation from the church. We would be dead if it wasn't for them.

"Zakari! Dinner is ready!" I hollered. He came running and climbed into his booster seat. The table was a plane square wooden one.

"Yay!" He cheered. I knew he liked Chicken nuggets the most.

I smiled and began eating my nuggets as well. Myself, I ate two and then sat back, watching as he finished all of his. He was a growing boy that was for sure. He was also a good boy. He didn't even complain about the spinach but ate it all and then drank his juice. He looked at my two nuggets sheepishly.

I smiled softly. "Here Zakari." I offered them up. He grabbed them without hesitation. Tomorrow was Saturday and I needed to buy some more food.

"Hey Mom," He asked, once he was done with his food. "Can you tell me a story before bed?

"After your bath." I promised and got up to put the dishes in the sink. I ran the bathwater and then finished the dishes while it was loading. Zakari ran over and picked up one of his three toys. A blue duck. He brought it to the bathtub with me following him.

We bathed. I had some time to inspect my wounds. There was blood around the bite wound, and my arms had handprints that were forming into marks. That was just what I had received that time. There were bruises fresh and fading all over my body. From my feet to my neck. My back was barely distinguishable and my arms looked like I cut.

Zakari didn't ask any questions, he had learned not to. I washed his hair with the dollar tree suave shampoo I got, and washed mine with the same. We dried off and I put my clothes back on and dressed him in a pair of cute green Donald Duck footie pajamas. They were my favorite pair.

We snuggled into our bed.

"You promised to tell me a story." Zakari reminded me. I nodded my head. We both knew we didn't have any books, but I had plenty of stories in y mind.

"Which one do you want?"

"Tell me the story of Gaara and Zena! I love that one because it has your name in it!" He gushed. He snuggled against my side and put his head on the pillow with me.

"Ok… once upon a time there was a girl named Zena and a red headed boy named Gaara. Zena and Gaara were six years old. The boy and the girl were best friends and each other's world. They were like SpongeBob and Patrick. Like Cinderella and her prince.

"Treated badly by everyone else in the village, Gaara was very sad all the time. Gaara was picked on by the kids his age and had an evil father. But Zena felt his pain and was able to make him happy again. Sadly, she also had an evil father."

"I hate the father he ca-"

"Shh! Let me continue Zakari!" I teased.

"Sowy." He giggled.

"Ok. So time went by and they were the only thing each other had. But then when they were nine, Zena's father told her that she couldn't have friends. He told her to tell Gaara that she hated him. She refused and he put a curse on her. He made it so that she could never get married because no man would want her. Afterwards the evil father told her that if she didn't tell Gaara that she hated him, then he would cast an evil spell on her mother. Zena had no choice. She broke Gaara's heart and cast him into a complete darkness. Soon after her family moved. She was forced to leave Gaara behind."

I felt a small tear fall down my face. Zakari was breathing steadily besides me, asleep. "But then they met up again years later and he defeated her evil father and forgave the curse he put on her… they got married and lived happily ever after…" I whispered before a humorous laugh escaped me.

"No... There is no such thing as happily ever after." I glanced at the bedside. A single picture of a blonde haired girl, a brown haired boy, a red headed boy with dark rims and a white haired girl all stood smiling with a sandy background. A boy that at school, there was someone who shared the name. They looked so alike but this man was crueler and had a kanji tattoo on his forehead. My Gaara never had that. I wiped away the tear. "No such thing as a happy ending..."

Not wanting to dwell on the past, I stood up carefully without disturbing Zakari and walked over to my desk. There was an old laptop I had won in a contest. It was a cheap one but I had cherished it. The apartments came with free internet too.

I signed into MSN Messenger and smiled.

**Winterfrost has signed in.**

_**Sandcoffin **_**is online.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Hey**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Ey. What's up?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Nothing really**

_**Winterfrost**_**: lol**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You say lol when you are upset. What is it? Those guys at school bothering you again.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You know I don't like to complain to you…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I like it when you do. It makes me feel glad you confide in me.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: It was no worse than usual. I got off easy if anything.**

_**Sandcoffin: **_**What was the damage?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: A small wound and some bruising.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: …**

_**Winterfrost**_**: It really wasn't that bad! Lol.**

_**Shukakku**_**: Not that bad? If I was there I'd kill them.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I'm sure you would. Lol. I wouldn't mind actually.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: It just makes me angry to think about it.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Don't worry. I'm sure that soon enough it will stop…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You've been going through this since I first met talked to u. 6 months. It isn't gonna stop soon.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, there isn't much I can do. I have to take care of my little brother. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: …**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Let's change the subject! How are you?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Pissed.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Y?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: A lot of reasons.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Babe, when are you NOT upset?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: … hn**

_**Winterfrost**_**: seeeeee! Hopeless! haha**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: shutup**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Make me**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Are you challenging me?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Of course not!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I think you are.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: So? Whatcha gonna do about it? 8P**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I could think of several uses for that mouth of yours ;}**

_**Winterfrost**_**: …**

…

…

**PERVERT!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Only telling the truth.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: you are too much of a tease.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I don't think so.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I do. You're a playboy. lol**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Perhaps.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: -_- You aren't supposed to admit it…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I dislike lying.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: -_-; anywaaaays…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Ah shit, I need to go. My friends just came over.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: This late at night?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah. We have plans. We have been trying to find someone's house. We think we finally got the neighborhood and ]building. Were planning to locate the exact apartment tomorrow.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Creepy**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Why are u stalking someone?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Long story.**

_**Winterfrost**_**:I want to hear it.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Can't. Like I said, I have to go. Later.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Fine… Byebye stalking Pervert!**

**Sandcoffin has signed out.**

**Winterfrost has signed out.**

**I** put the computer away and crawled back into bed. I was tired now, enough to fall into a deep slumber. Sand was the only person who ever listened to me. I didn't know what he looked like or even his name, only that he was around my age and…

I think I liked him a little more than I should…


	2. Aventurine

I woke up before nearly half an hour before Zakari so I had plenty of time to brush my hair and put on a long sleeved yellow T-shirt that covered up the previous days bite mark, and a pair of blue jeans that was a little too big. It had a hole in the knees. Not the type that were fashionable either, the kind that came with being worn out. The last touch was me large grey jacket that was falling apart. I got out a pair of blue jeans, an orange shirt and his big blue jacket for Zakari, making a mental note to buy him a new one and shoes today no matter what.

After getting his breakfast set out, I finally woke Zakari and we both got ready for the day. I put on my own shoes without any socks and while he ate his breakfast, I decided I would wait until lunch to eat. I wasn't hungry anyways.

"Mommy! Where are we going today?"

I looked down at my little brother/son and ignored the looks from people on the street who passed us by, looking down on us. Whether it was because of our grungy look or the fact that Zakari was calling me mom, I didn't know or care. He was holding my hand tightly. "Well, first to pick up my paycheck from work. Then the Laundromat. Then I want to take you shopping for some clothes and food and then… how about we get some lunch at McDonalds?"

He grinned. Eating out was rare. "Yeah!"

We picked up my paycheck at 'Lovely Café' and then made our way to the Laundromat where I slipped all of our clothes into one load. We walked next door to go grocery shopping. I got a hundred dollars worth of food and it stung as I handed over the cash. My paycheck wasn't enough to support the both of us and I knew that. For now I was making it but with school tuition due soon I knew I was reaching a point where I was going to have to look for a better job or another source of income.

Zakari didn't ask for anything or throw a fit like the other kids around. He was a good boy in the store. The shopkeeper even commented on how well behaved my son was. Once again my heart swelled with pride.

We went back to the Laundromat and switched our clothes to the drier. Then we went to the clothes store and I bought him a jacket for ten dollars and two pairs of jeans and a pair of shoes. 40 dollars.

I changed him into the new clothes and he was smiling so bright it made me happy too. The old shoes went in a donation box because they were way too small. The jacket we kept. He had nearly outgrown it but I could always use it for patches on our clothes.

~*V*~

When we got home around two, I was uncannily tired. I never had much energy lately. It was probably because of my health. I never showed Zakari that side though. Zakari was laughing and I was joking back with him. He had eaten a dollar cheeseburger and I had eaten half of mine, saving the rest of it for his dinner. He loved it so much. I would just have some toast. It was healthier anyways.

But when I entered my apartment I noticed something off. The lights were on. I tensed up. Something was wrong. I never left my lights on. I set down the bags of clothes and food and picked Zakari up. "Mommy?" He asked.

"Shh, Shh." I soothed. He obeyed, but his eyes were wide.

I looked around the kitchen. It was empty. My heart was beating faster and faster. I walked to the door of our room and turned the doorknob. It opened and I sighed in relief. It was empty. I looked around carefully. There was one thing there that hadn't been there before. A single note.

_We found you_

I clutched Zakari to my chest. I knew who wrote this. They found me…

"Shukaku… you've gone too far…" I whispered.

"Mommy what's a shuku?" Zakari asked.

I smiled faintly. "A monster… just a monster."

What if they found out about Zakari? What if they tried to hurt him? If they went through my stuff and found his clothes then… This wasn't good at all… I set Zakari down and ran over to the dresser.

Nothing was out of order. It didn't look like anything had been disturbed.

"Mom…" Zakari tugged on my jeans. I bent down and buried my face in his shoulder. What was I supposed to do? I needed this to end… and fast. Before they did go to far...

* * *

><p>Sunday went normal. Church in the morning. I felt guilty, but I found it hard to focus on the sermon with the thoughts of Zakari and Shukaku and Gaara of the sand on my mind. I was trying to think of a way out of this but nothing was coming to mind. If I moved… well, if I moved then I would no longer get free rent. I wouldn't have a job either. I literally couldn't afford to move.<p>

"Mommy?" Zakari nudged me. I looked up to see that the sermon was already over and pastor rick was walking over to me. He was a tall bald man with a kind face. He looked to be in his early 30's but hazel eyes shone like he was still a boy.

"Hello Zena." He greeted with a smile. "Hello Zakari."

"Hi!" Zakari giggled, putting up his hands as the pastor picked him up and put him on his shoulders.

"So is eight o'clock OK for you today?" Rick asked.

"Yeah that sounds great. I appreciate it so much… If I could pay you I would… maybe some service around the church?" I offered.

"Nonsense Zena! God's given you a lot to deal with already. I'm happy to help in whatever way you need."

"Thank you. I don't know what I would do without your help Pastor Rick."

"Rick?" Called out a feminine voice. She was a cute lady with brown hair and brown eyes. The kind of girl that screamed motherly instincts.

"Ah Pam! I was just telling Zena that we would drop Zakari over at eight."

"Sounds good to me too. How about we give you a lift to work. It's on our way." She offered, taking Zakari from rick and flicking his nose in a loving gesture.

"I would appreciate that." I smiled.

They weren't pleased with the sort of work I did, but Lovely Café was my job. Sure, the outfits were degrading and the men were perverted, but as I had said a dozen times. Anything for Zakari. The pastor and his wife knew that. They said it showed great humility to sacrifice your pride for someone else. I didn't really see it that way. I mean, what else would I do? It wasn't like I could give Zakari up. I would die if anything happened to him.

They dropped me off at the café. I kissed Zakari on the cheek and then got to work. I knew that those two would spoil Zakari. They were like his grandparents in many ways.

My tips had been going down lately. It was in large part due to my weight. The other workers kept accusing me of being anorexic and would make jokes about how I took my leftovers home instead of eating them there so I could throw them away.

I sighed. What bullshit. They were the sort of girls to do that, not me. I found dieting stupid and inconvenient. If you had food you should eat it!

I slipped on the maid uniform and let my hair down. I tried to swing my hips a little more to get better tips. It worked pretty well. By the end of the day I had 80 dollars. That was pretty good for me. I deposited it in a bank account I made especially for Zakari. It was in case something happened to me or if he ever needed something.

I had nearly $3,000 in it. I had put all my tip money ever received in it and 20% of all my paychecks. I had the bank put a lock on that account. This meant that I could put money in it, but I had to go through a lot of paperwork to bring it back out. When he turned 16 it would be turned over to him. The thought of Zakari growing into a teenager made me smile. I could never picture that. He would probably look a lot like Naruto Uzumaki.

My jacket was brought closer to my body by the cold air. I kept my head down and tried to ward off the cold. I was relieved when I got back home into my safe apartment… no, not safe. Not since THEY knew where I was. I was almost afraid of opening up my door, afraid to see them there.

My fears were unwarranted. The apartment was empty. I was safe for today at least. For tonight at least… I had another hour until Zakari would be home.

I signed onto my computer but Sand wasn't online so I signed back off. Moonlight glinted across the glass that I drank water from. The days were getting shorter and shorter as it came closer to Christmas. Snow would be falling soon. That was bad news. At least I bought Zakari those clothes.

I was so deep in thoughts I didn't notice the door open until Zakari was flung into my lap. I said my thanks to the pastor and wife as I cradled the already tired toddler. He was grinning with a loopy smile.

"C'mon baby. Let's get you ready for bed." I picked him up and walked him over to our room. We both got into bed and within minutes I could feel his chest rising and falling rhythmically, his heartbeat matching mine as he lay on top of me. His bedtime was 8:30 and I figured he was asleep right on the mark.

My hands ran through his silky white hair that smelt like baby powder and peaches. This must be what it felt like to have your own child. It was a wonderful feeling. Not that I would ever have a true flesh and blood child myself. I was ruined beyond the point of a man wanting me.

Not that I wanted a man to want me. I didn't need one. I only ever had feelings for one boy, and that was just a crush on my friend. No. Loving someone other than Zakari would be stupid, risky… useless.

Looking down at the only man I needed in my life, I made a decision. I would do something about Shukaku. No matter what, I would not let Zakari's innocent soul get tainted from this. He would stay pure… so long as I lived I would protect Zakari.

It was almost as if a part of my soul was inside of him.


	3. Eye agate

I woke Zakari up at our usual time of 6:00 so I would have enough time to get him and me ready and be at his daycare by 7:30 and my school at 8:05. This always meant making him breakfast (Which I usually did at 5:30 so it was ready by the time I needed to wake him up), Washing our faces, dressing us both, Brushing our teeth and combing our hair, taking him to the bathroom before we went, and getting our backpacks ready. His was a grey and orange plain one. But it fit him well and did the purpose of holding his crayons and notepad and glue and scissors. He never even complained that it lacked the Spiderman or batman designs that the other kids had.

I walked him to the daycare and left him with Shizune. Today the daycare would keep him until 4 and then Pastor rick would take him until 8 because I had to work from 5 to 7:30. We had a short goodbye consisting of see you later and I love you and him complaining when I kissed his cheek in front of everyone else. Then I went off to my own living hell.

I pulled down on the yellow T-shirt and grey jacket. I pulled my baggy jeans up so they wouldn't fall off.

Walking into first period with my head down, I didn't have to look up to know that our history teacher, Jiraiya, wasn't there. He was usually a few minutes late. I put my stuff down and took my seat in the back next to a window. I enjoyed the window seat best. It let me look out at the sky. A freedom that was so close yet so far away. I tried to ignore the ridicule from the other students and just put on the same blank, emotionless face that I used to deal with the pain.

"You're in my seat." A boy laughed. I looked up to see Sasuke smirking. I looked at him for a second before looking away. Then I picked up my bag and moved to another seat. I had a lot of pride but I would swallow it. It's for Zakari. I had to be strong for him.

Just as I took a seat a few desks away from him, He stormed up to me and grabbed me by my shirt collar. He pulled me up close to his face. "Aww what? We crush you already?"

I didn't respond, I just prayed that the teacher would get here soon. The bell rang just then.

"Well, we'll find out soon won't we?" He laughed. He dropped me back down and returned to the seat I was sitting at. All the other kids filed in. Hinata and Sakura looked at me with a look of guilt almost. They then turned around and sat down. Ino joined them.

The rest of the day went much the same. All of the members tormenting me physically. Well, almost all. Two of the boys never did anything to any of the victims unless absolutely necessary. Naruto and Shikamaru. Naruto was actually really nice, and Shikamaru lazy. I didn't understand why they were in the group. I think it was because Naruto was just desperate to fit in, and once the Shukaku accepted him he made friends and now couldn't move. As for Shikamaru, I think he was just using it as an excuse to not be bothered. Pein had only ever attacked me once... that was a memory I had shunned.

* * *

><p>I survived through honors English with Jiraiya, Advanced drama with Kurenai, AP Chemistry with Orochimaru and Kabuto, Calculus with Shikaku, AP Psychology with Ibiki, Horticulture with Yamamoto, Current events with Kakashi, and then I ended up in my most dreaded class. P.E. with Gai.<p>

That was my most dreaded class for several reasons. First, I had to see a teacher in tight green spandex. Second I had to wear a long sleeved holly shirt and my sweats that were too big. Third, I had to have it with Hidan, Sasori, Naruto, Shikamaru, Neji, Pein, Deidara, Sasuke, Itachi and Gaara.

All but three of those actively tormented me. Pein, Naruto and Shikamaru stayed out of it. Pein mostly because he preferred to watch from the sidelines. When he did get involved though… it was usually only because Konan asked him to or someone had looked at her wrong. He was insanely strong, and it was rumored that nobody had survived a fight with him. He always won, and he was always the only survivor. That was why everyone called him Pein.

Today in P.E., we were playing dogeball. I walked up to Gai before it started.

"Gai-sensei?" I asked.

He turned to look at me, a grin on his face.

"What can I do for you Zena Ukitake?"

I looked down at the ground. "I am feeling a little faint… can I go to the nurses office?"

He dropped his smile. "Zena, the nurses have been complaining that you have been visiting too much in this class period. How about you try and play the game and if it gets too much for you come see me again ok?"

I solemnly nodded and returned to the lineup. I stood on the side. I was on the blue team. Naruto, Itachi and Shikamaru were on this side. The rest of my enemies on the other. At least I wouldn't have to watch the back of my head this time. Itachi usually wasn't too bad…

"AND BEGIN!" Gai shouted. Everyone immediately started running for the balls. I stayed behind.

A ball flew towards me immediately and I barely managed to dodge. Damn… Hidan had a strong arm.

Eventually people on my team started getting out. Each ball they threw at me was hard. I was afraid of getting hit by them to be honest. Soon, only 4 out of the originally 15 members were left on my side. On the other side there were seven. That left me and the Shukaku alone. On my side everyone held a ball, and on their side, everyone held a ball but Pein.

It was a stand still for a minute. Then Naruto picked up a ball and Chucked it at Sasuke. Sasuke dodged but was nailed by another ball thrown by his older brother. The Uchiha stormed off angrily. Shikamaru held two balls. He threw one up in the air. Neji was watching it to see where it was going. In the meantime Shikamaru had chucked another one. It hit Neji on the shoulder. He glared at the smirking genius.

Ok… so that made the two teams a little fairer. 4 against 5. Though, it was pretty obvious who the main target was. I felt like a cornered dog.

Hidan smirked and chucked his ball at me. I put my hands out in front of me and somehow managed to catch it, getting him out. Hidan had a look that could kill as he walked off.

A second later though, another ball went flying towards me. This one was thrown by Deidara. I dodged to the left, dropping the ball I had. I missed that ball, but only to be targeted by two more. By Sasori and Deidara. I flinched away and barely managed to avoid them. As they had thrown them though, Itachi and Naruto had thrown balls at them. They were out. Naruto was grinning like a madman.

This was worse though. Pein, who had not been holding a ball, picked a red one up. I widened my eyes. Gaara already had a ball. I knew I couldn't doge anything they threw. They were too fast. They both cocked their arms. And released. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain.

I heard a few murmurs and my eyes shot open. Dark hair in a spiky ponytail? A blond with spiky hair? each of them holding a red ball? Was that really Shikamaru? Naruto?

"Hey you know the rules Gaara, Pein. We caught them so you're out!" Naruto grinned. "Believe it!"

My mouth was open. They just… defended me? What the… that had never happened before. What was their motive? I glared suspiciously. Naruto glanced back at me. His grin was still on his face, but there was something else in his eyes. I blinked. It almost looked like... pity?

"Ok! The blue team wins!" Gai yelled. The whole gym was quiet. Pein and Gaara walked back over to the side. Pein went back to being uncaring while Gaara's eyes never left mine. I felt myself chilled to the bone by the hate in them.

I sank down to the floor where I stood. My breathing was a little shaky. Shikamaru looked at Naruto. They shared a glance and then he walked away. To my surprise, he didn't go and stand next to the other members. Itachi went and stood by Shikamaru as well. I blinked. Why did it feel so hostile between them?

Naruto looked back at me again. Then he moved his hand towards my face. I flinched away. He froze. I looked at his outstretched hand. "Here." He grinned.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Hesitantly I reached out and took it. He gripped it firmly but not to hard as he pulled me up. He was grinning. "There you go!" he let go just as the bell rang and walked towards the changing rooms with Shikamaru and Itachi.

I looked back down at my hand. Was that kindness? Did they really protect me? I knew I still had a suspicious glint in my eyes, but how was I expected to trust them? With a sigh, my feet carried me to the dressing rooms.

* * *

><p>I looked around to see if the coast was clear before walking past the school gates and towards the day care to pick up Zakari. I sighed in relief as nobody was around.<p>

I spoke to soon. A hand reached out and clamped down hard on my shoulder. A hand that could only belong to a member of Shukaku.

I turned around reluctantly to look at Sasori, Hidan, Gaara, Neji and Deidara. I swallowed hard. "Yes?"

"So tell us? Did you fuck those three or what?" Sasori smirked, clutching my shoulder tightly.

Hidan laughed. "Of course the slut did. Must have given them a pretty good time. I vote she shows us the same fucking thing."

I cringed at his words, but I was confused. "Who are you talking about Sasori?"

"You know who. What did you do? We all know you don't have the money to pay them off. So you must have used some means un." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Or maybe we just got tired of your troublesome game of picking on Zena." A Lazy voice drawled from my left. We all turned our heads to see Shikamaru, Naruto, and Itachi walking over. Itachi looked stoic and bored. Naruto was glaring, and Shikamaru was frowning.

"What the fuck?" Hidan spat. "You three suddenly think you can be some kind of knights in shinning armor? What did she do? Promise to suck you three off for the rest of her life if you protected her?"

"Dude, you're so messed up! We told you last night that we were going too far. I put up with it long enough because I was accepted by you all. But it's wrong! It's sick and you know it!" Naruto yelled.

"Really Naruto? Pride? This is coming from the monster who killed his own father un?" Deidara smirked. I glared. That was hitting to close to what I had heard people call my childhood friend. A monster. But killed his own father? What did they mean?

"You both know that isn't what happened." Shikamaru shook his head.

"Oh? So what's your reason?" Hidan demanded.

"Picking on a girl. It's weak and troublesome. I'm tired of these games." He sighed. He looked up at the clouds, as if thinking.

"You're a coward that's what." Hidan retorted angrily. "And let me guess. Itachi betrayed us because he's getting something from the slut? We all know the Uchiha's don't give without return."

"I do get something from her." Itachi confirmed.

"Oh? So you admit the whore's fucking you!"

"And if she is?"

"You wouldn't" Gaara surprised me by speaking up. He was looking intently at Itachi. The others seemed to stiffen… well all except Pein.

Itachi had a small smirk upon his lips. "I would. She's pretty isn't she?"

I felt my cheeks turn red as I watched the confrontation. I couldn't believe that I was being defended. I couldn't believe that it was by Itachi of all people.

"Itachi." Gaara growled. "You know better."

"Are you my father?"

"You seriously fucked the little whore? Did she have any STD's?" Hidan gaped.

I furrowed my eyebrows in disgust. I couldn't believe that they were taking it this far. That Itachi was taking it this far. Was this all some twisted game? Everyone but Gaara, Itachi and Hidan were death quiet.

"She was a virgin." Itachi was lying through his teeth. He was damn good at it though. If I didn't know any better, he could have convinced me too.

Everyone was gaping at him. Even Pein raised an eyebrow. Gaara was glaring openly. Itachi walked up beside me and moved his hand down to mine. I was tempted to flinch away from it, but was speechless as he grabbed my hand, intertwining the fingers. My mind was foggy.

He just… oh my god! The world must have turned upside down! What the fuck!

"You… Itachi… you traitor…" Gaara growled out. His fists were white from being clenched so hard.

Itachi smirked some more. "What is it Gaara? You aren't my leader anymore. I think I can have some fun with whoever I want. For the past month it's been Zena. And let me tell you, it's been a fun month."

"A month? Behind my back for the past month?"

"Yes. I never found any pleasure in seeing pain on her face until that first night we were together. And only then because I knew it would go away. And it did. Didn't it Zena?" He looked at me. His face was stoic. I couldn't read it.

"Zena. Is he telling the truth?" Gaara looked at me. If looks could kill. I also realized that this was one of the few times he used my name.

I looked back at Itachi. He only smirked down at me and squeezed my hand. It was gentle though… I looked back at Gaara. "Y-yes…" I mumbled, barely loud enough to hear.

"I'll kill you both!" Gaara yelled. He moved forward but Naruto and Shikamaru moved in front of Itachi and me.

"Sorry Gaara. But Itachi told me how much he was starting to like her, and I have to sympathize. I can't let you kill his new toy." Shikamaru sighed. He must have caught on.

"Yeah! She's our toy now! Believe it!" Naruto yelled. I sweatdropped. I don't think he caught on at all…

"This isn't over Itachi. C'mon." Gaara spat, turning around. The rest of them followed. He looked back at me once more before disappearing around the corner. I quickly let go of Itachi's hand. I backed away. All three of them stared at me.

"I… uh… S-sorry. Thank you Itachi, Naruto, and Shikamaru. I owe you. But I have to get going. I'm late and have to pick up- I mean I just have to go." I blushed scarlet, unable to look at any of them.

"Ok Itachi! Why didn't you tell me you two were fucking?" Naruto demanded, pointing at him.

"Don't point at me Naruto."

"Jeesh Naruto. He was acting. He knew that this was probably the only way to get Gaara to leave her alone. Or at least the only way to get him to go away." Shikamaru just shook his head.

Itachi nodded.

"O-oh. Just kidding… I knew that!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head. While this was all happening I was slowly making my way towards the daycare.

I was halfway down the street before they noticed I was walking away. "Hey wait!" Naruto yelled, running towards me.

I froze as he caught up. "Yes?" I asked. I still didn't trust him. The other two were walking towards me.

"Where are you going?" Shikamaru asked.

"Down the road." I replied.

They all frowned. I started to walk. I could see the daycare. I could also see a little white haired boy in his new orange jacket and black shoes waiting for me. I stopped walking. The three were still behind me. I needed them to leave before Zakari saw me and called out.

"Why are you three following me?" I asked.

"To make sure you get home safe!" Naruto grinned.

"I don't mean to be rude but, what;s your motive?"

"Motive?" NAruto scratched the back of his head, not understanding.

"There is no motive. We're just sick of this game they play." Shikamaru shrugged.

"Yeah so now we can hang out! Believe it!" Naruto shouted too loudly.

"Um. Actually I have work at 5. So…"

"That gives us an hour!"

"Why do you have a job? Isn't that troublesome?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes it is troublesome, but I have responsibilities. I have to have money. And I have to take care of something before I go to work, so I really don't have an hour before work…"

"Wah! So cool! I live by myself too! But I don't have any responsibilities. My parents left a pretty hefty inheritance when they died. What do you have? You have a dog or something?" Naruto got excited all over again.

"Um, not quite…" I looked away. I tried to think of something. Maybe I should have gone with the dog theory.

"Then what is it?"

"Mommy!" Zakari cried, having finally spot me.


	4. Lepidolite

**Warning: Some implied situations in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

All three boys widened their eyes. I bit my bottom lip. Shit… This was going to be hard to explain. I put on a big smile and turned around. Zakari was running towards me. "Mommy! You're almost late!" He gushed, running up and into my waiting arms.

I scooped him up and ruffled his hair. "Sorry babe. I got caught up with some friends."

It was now that Zakari noticed Naruto, Shikamaru, and Itachi. He looked them over before smiling. "I'm Zakari Ukitake! This is me mommy Zena Ukitake! An you can't touch her!" He stuck out his tongue, wrapping his arms around my neck. The three just stared. Naruto and Shikamaru had their mouths agape. No doubt they noticed how much we looked alike. Itachi had his eyebrows raised.

"S-s-son? Mommy? Son? What!" Naruto yelled and pointed.

I grimaced. "I'll explain later…" I promised. I hated explaining things in front of Zakari. The little bugger was pretty smart and caught on fast.

"Zena!" Shizune yelled, walking down the road towards us with Zakari's backpack on her arm. "I'm so sorry, but Pastor Rick just called. His wife came down with the flu last minute so they nbv're unable to pick up Zakari."

I bit my bottom lip again. Zakari smiled. "So does this mean I gets ta spend more time with you?"

I had to smile at his antics. "It's 'Get to', and I guess so honey. I'll just have to call in and cancel my shift. Sorry for the inconvenience Shizune. I can take his bags right now."

She thanked me and handed me the bag. I put it over my arm. "Ok... not to be rude but… Naruto can you stop staring at me? Shikamaru, can you stop staring at Zakari? And Itachi… Um… can you stop staring at my stomach?"

That seemed to shake them all up. They regained their composure. "Sorry." They mumbled. Zakari and I shivered as a breeze passed by.

"Are you cold?" I asked.

Zakari nodded. I set him down and removed my own jacked. I wrapped it snugly around him. It was too big, but when I took down my hair ribbon and tied it around his waist, it made it fit snugly against him. I rolled up the selves several times. It looked like a long sleeved dress. I shivered again at another breeze and looked up to the sky. It would snow soon.

"Sorry to ask this of you guys but… is there any way I can borrow your cellphone?"

Itachi reached into his pocket and pulled out the new Droid. I took it gently, not sure how to work it. He sighed and took it back. "What's the number?"

"282-638-1954" I said. He dialed it and then handed it to me. It was already ringing. I held it to my ear.

"_Welcome to lovely café! Where the maids are pretty and the service is gorgeous!" _

"Hey Emma. Can I speak to the manager?_" _I asked. I heard a sigh and a bunch of noise.

"_Hello?"_

"Hello sir. It's Zena and I'm calling to inform you that something came up and I don't think I'll be able to make it in today."

"_no"_

"What do you mean?"

"_Zena, you bring in a lot of money, but I can't afford to have you gone again. With your recent weight loss and they way you make no effort towards your appearance… you aren't bringing in enough anyways. I warned you last time. One more time and you'd be fired. You either come in today, or never again._"

"Sir, I promise to gain more weight and take care of my appearance! I'm just hitting a tough financial spot! This really is an emergency. I can't come in."

"_Then I am going to have to fire you despite what you say. I'm sorry to do this Zena. But rules are rules. I have to let you go._"

"Please sir. I can't afford to lose this job. You don't understand. If I lose this job how am I supposed to be able to feed my son! This will be the last time I swear!" I tried to argue. Tears stung my eyes.

"_I'm sorry Zena. But we just can't afford to keep this up. You can come in tomorrow for your last check. I feel horrible about this, I really do... _"

"I understand sir… thank you… I'll pick up my last check tomorrow." I handed the cell phone back to Itachi so he could hang it up. Zakari grabbed my hand.

"Mommy? Is it all right?" he asked, worried.

I forced a small smile. "Of course. I get to spend a lot of time with you now!"

"Oh…" Zakari sounded unsure. I picked him up again.

"Don't worry. You're too young to worry about these sorts of things." I hated myself. I didn't need to make him worry. He was three for Christ sake! He should be laughing with the other kids! Not having to worry about whether or not he would have food the next day. I hugged him tightly.

"Thanks again guys. I need to get home." I smiled at them. I really was grateful. I was still a little shocked, and suspicious but grateful.

"We'll walk you home." Itachi said. "You still owe us an explanation."

I grimaced, but nodded anyways. I was unsure if I wanted to trust them. Sure, they had defended me but this might just be a trap. Did it matter? I was too desperate for help to turn down an offer. I led them the short walk to my apartment. I saw a white note on the door.

_**Rent. Tonight. ~Madara**_

I looked at the note, and then noticed three others peering over my shoulder. I quickly grabbed it and shoved it into my pocket.

"Madara?" Itachi sounded surprised.

"Uh yeah. Madara Uchiha. He's my landlord…" I opened the door.

"He 's my uncle." Itachi said.

Wow... did not see that coming. "Oh" Was all I could say.

"He's very wealthy. He holds nearly a tenth of Uchiha modeling co.'s stocks. I don't know why he became a slumlord…" He looked around my apartment.

Naruto nudged him. "Hey, be nice. I think it looks comfortable."

"Thanks" I mumbled. I set Zakari down and removed his jacket. I turned on the heat and the lights.

"Sorry... I can't offer anything like coffee or tea but I have toast or… well, water?" I blushed in embarrassment.

"Water's fine." Naruto grinned, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Ok. I'll get three waters. Zakari are you hungry?"

"Yeah!"

"Go play with your toys in our room and I'll get your dinner started ok?" I cooed.

Zakari nodded and disappeared. I walked over to the cupboard and pulled out three glasses. I made sure they were clean and then filled them with water and set them down for the three men. Luckily I had enough chairs and a booster seat.

They mumbled thanks and I got out a pot pie and the other half a can of spinach. I warmed them both up and set them on a plate. I set them next to his booster seat to cool while I got out two pieces of toast. I toasted them and set them on another plate. I grabbed some apple juice for Zakari and set it all on the table.

"Is that your dinner?" Naruto asked with an eyebrow raised.

"No. The pot pie and spinach is Zakari's dinner. The toast is mine."

They all frowned. "No wonder you're so thin." Shikamaru sighed.

I shrugged. "So…"

"Tell us about your son." Itachi cut straight to the point. I took a deep breath and hopped up on the kitchen counter so I could see them.

"He isn't really my son. He's my little brother. Because of certain events though, our mother and father-" I practically cringed at having to call that man my father. "- stepfather actually, were unable to care properly for the both of us. I got my emancipation on my sixteenth birthday, and about a month after that Zakari was being taken away by the state. I fought hard, hired a lawyer. I managed to fight the state and after numerous tests and loophole's, I earned custody of him. Since I'm all he's known since he was 13 months old, he calls me mom and I call him my son. He knows he's not my real son, but I think of him like he is. I'm actually filling for adoption right now. If all goes as planned, by my 18th birthday he should legally be my son. That's why he looks so much like me."

I finished speaking and looked at their reactions. Naruto looked relieved. Shikamaru looked impressed, and Itachi looked… well, like Itachi.

"I see…" Itachi was the first to speak.

"Hehe, yeah… So, I've been trying to keep him a secret from you guys because…"

"Your scared of him getting involved." Itachi surmised.

"Yeah. So please… if you three can keep quiet I'd do anything. He doesn't deserve to be involved in all of this."

"No problem Zena! We'll make sure they don't touch him! Believe it!" Naruto gave me a thumbs up. I smiled softly.

Looking over at the door, I ran a hand through my white hair. "Zakari! Your dinner is ready!"

He came running out without much other prompting and clambered up into his seat. He immediately began eating. I smiled at him, a smile that held my heart in it.

"I should get going. It's late and I'm tired." Shikamaru stood up. He placed his glass in the sink and then walked for the door. "Later."

"Bye Shikamaru. Thank you for today." I bowed. He brushed it off as troublesome and disappeared.

I looked at the other two. Naruto finished his water and then stood up. He ruffled Zakari's hair. "Yeah. Granny Tsunade's coming over tonight so I need to clean the place up a bit. Later Zena! See you at school! Later Zakari! Take good care of your mom!"

"Bye Uto!" Zakari giggled, watching him leave.

"See you Naruto." I smiled politely as he left. I then turned to Itachi, waiting for him to leave.

"What are you going to do about your job?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know yet. We'll survive."

"You'll lose your apartment." He pointed out.

I shook my head. "No. I have free rent."

He raised an eyebrow. "But my uncle just left a note demanding rent tonight."

Realizing my mistake, I put down the piece of toast I had taken into my hand. "Well yes. But usually we just talk it out and he lets me get by without paying."

"I know Madara. He never does anything without expecting something in return."

I sighed. "Why does it matter? I told you, we talk things out."

He set down his cup and leaned back, looking at me. "Don't lie to me. He's making you do something for him."

"Hey! Don't call mommy a liar. She's telling the truth." Zakari glared, pointing his fork at Itachi.

"It's not nice to point at our guest Zakari." I scolded lightly. He dropped his hand but still pouted.

"And how would you know?" Itachi tested.

"She really does go up and talks to him! She told me! She goes upstairs after I goes to bed!"

I mentally smacked my forehead. It didn't go unnoticed by Itachi. "How long is she usually gone?"

"For a really long time." Zakari shrugged.

"OK! Enough chat Zakari. You're done eating so go and play. I'll be there in a minute." I took his now empty plate and set it in the sink along with mine.

I heard Itachi's chair scoot across the floor as he stood up. He pushed it back in. "If you need a job, I can always offer you one in my parents company." His eyes trailed over my body with a calculating eye.

"I don't need your generosity Uchiha." I spun around. "You may have taken pity on me, but I was doing just fine. I am happy and that's all that matters!"

"Happy? You mean getting abused by your schoolmates, losing your job, not being able to eat enough to keep a healthy weight, and sleeping with my uncle for rent makes you happy?" He said in his stoic manner.

I glared. Not even caring to deny his claims. "Yes! I am happy! I have something that you could never understand. I have a son! Sure, he may not be my blood son, but we're related. He brings me all the happiness that I'd ever need. No matter what Gaara and his friends throw at me, no matter how little money have, no matter how hungry I am, and despite the fact that yes, I'm pleasuring your uncle for rent… I'm happy as long as I have Zakari." My voice was hushed; I wouldn't let Zakari hear me. But I let through enough anger to let Itachi know I would be yelling if I could.

He did something that surprised me. Instead of yelling back, calling me a whore, or trying to hit me… he smiled. "I see. Well, when you really need a job. Tell me. I'll be waiting. See you at school tomorrow."

I threw my head to the side in defiance. "Goodbye _Uchiha_."

He opened the door, but before he shut it he murmured. "Bye _Babe._"

I blushed, thinking of what he had done earlier. But… Gaara's reaction bothered me the most. I can understand him being mad at me for taking three of his friends away but… He seemed so angry. I thought he would kill me right there. He probably would have. I didn't understand why he picked on me though. What reason did he have? He was a hot, smart, athletic young man. He should want nothing to do with me, even picking on me

I froze. NO! I did not just think that Gaara of the sand was hot. That was wrong on so many levels. I would rather puke than touch him. God, I must have that one syndrome, what was it? Where the hostage falls for her captor. It was sick and wrong. I hated Gaara.

I knew that the only reason I thought he was attractive was because he resembled my childhood friend and shared the same name. That still unnerved me. I didn't like to have to connect the two. The little boy who was hurting as a child, and the cruel, murderous monster that resembled him. They weren't the same people, so I shouldn't even relate the two of them.

"Mom? Can you play with me now?" Zakari asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked down at the little boy and nodded, following him to our room.

We played for another hour, and then at 7:30 we got ready for bed. We bathed and brushed our teeth. I placed him in bed after telling him a story. He fell asleep. I wanted to crawl up beside him. I knew I couldn't though.

That note was still in my jeans pocket. With a heavy sigh I put on my shoes. I was wearing a black tank top and grey sweats with holes. I made sure to put on my "good pair" of underwear. Really they just didn't have any holes in them.

I locked the door behind me as I made my way up to the top floor. This whole floor was taken by one man. I knocked two times as instructed to always do.

The wooden door opened. A man no older than 29, with black eyes and black hair looked down at me. I shifted. "Uchiha."

He smirked and moved out of the way to let me come in. I felt like sighing. He walked towards the bedroom, which was down the beige hallway, past several other doors. He opened the door to his room. It was a room for royalty. A king sized canopy bed sat in the middle. Hues of gold were everywhere. Fit for a king. I made my way into it. A hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me to a chiseled body.

"Zena." He mumbled against my neck. I closed my eyes. This had been going on for about a year now. Ever since I was unable to make a payment and he told me there was another way of paying him. It was either that or give up chances of being with Zakari.

We both knew each others bodies well by now. We had them memorized. Where to touch to turn the other on, what the other tasted like, the sounds we made. I would never admit it to anyone else, but I did get pleasure out of these encounters. Madara knew that. And he loved it.

I pressed back into him, tilting my head to the side. He kissed my neck a few times before spinning me around. I could see his eyes. They were as deep as Gaara's. He had seen things, done things just like Gaara had. No. He was not as cruel as Gaara. Madara had a heart, a purpose. His eyes may be dark but he had a purpose in life that he strives to fulfill.

He pushed me back a few steps till I fell onto the bed. He hovered over me.

I bit my bottom lip. That look in his eyes… I knew that I wouldn't get out of this room for a while.


	5. Chrysoprase

I walked back into my room after being with Madara and collapsed on my bed. I had showered again at Madara's. Not alone, but I had gotten somewhat cleaner than I would have been. I sighed and looked at the clock. It was one in the morning. I couldn't sleep now.

I signed onto my computer.

**Sandcoffin is online**

**Winterfrost is online**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yo! You couldn't sleep either?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I rarely sleep.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Why?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Nightmares.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh… . damn. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: It's life.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: How was your day?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Shitty.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: What happened?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Some of my friends betrayed me.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: O_O How?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I don't really want to talk about it**

_**Winterfrost**_**: … ok…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What's your damage?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Nothing actually. I mean, I have a small bruise but they didn't hurt me today. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: good**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: How is your little brother?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Good. He's growing well. I don't know what I would do without him.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Devote more time to me?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Lol. u jealous?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: u wish.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: -_-;**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Then again, I bet you wish for a lot of things concerning me**

_**Winterfrost**_**: oh really? Like?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Like I was there with you right now**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Now why would I wish that?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Use your imagination. You me, a house with only one sleeping person in it.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You are a pervert. Lol.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You like it.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: tch. As if lol**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Your nervous.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Nu-uh**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You start saying lol when you're nervous**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Whatever…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You really do want me there huh ;D**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You wish you were here**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Do I?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: And why's that?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: So I could show you what a real woman is like. Lol**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Oh? Sorry but I don't like virgins**

_**Winterfrost**_**: -_-**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I don't know how I should respond to that…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Are you not a virgin?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Um…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Winter!**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Maybe…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Tell me the truth**

_**Winterfrost**_**: No, I'm not…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What the hell! **

_**Winterfrost**_**: what!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I didn't think you were the kind of girl who slept around.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: That was rude! You don't even know what happened.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Then tell me.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: No**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Why not?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Look, If we ever meet in person I will ok?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Where do you live?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Konoha. And you?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Konoha…**

_**Winterfrost**_**: O_O Really? Wow! Hmm. We could meet up one day when I have a bit of time to myself then. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You'll probably be the fat girl wearing big glasses.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Hey! Am not! You'll probably be the 40 year old with a comic book in his hand!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Hn**

_**Winterfrost**_**: lol. But I am actually pretty distinguishable. I have white hair.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Oh?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah. My mother was albino so my son and I have white hair. He got blue eyes though. I have these weird pale green ones. I'm also thin, a little too thin. But I'm fairly tall! There aren't many people like me.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I know someone like that.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh really? That's so cool! What's she like? **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: She's a nice person.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh? Then I know she's not me. Haha**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah. That's for sure**

_**Winterfrost**_**: .  
><strong>

_**Sandcoffin**_**: But she is good looking. She's strong too. And smart.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Ooooh! Sound like you almost like her.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I hate her.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: huh? Why?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: She reminds me of someone I used to know. It bothers me.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh… **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, let's think up a time and place. How about... Ooh I know! You can take me out for Christmas eve ;D**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What ever happened to just meeting? You already want to date me?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: U wish! Pervert. We can just meet as friends. I don't have anyone else to hang out with so you can accompany me! Unless you have someone else…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I don't. I'll meet up with you.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Ok! We can plan our location, time and outfit later. I can't wait! That means I'll get to meet you in like... less than a month!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, I should get some sleep. Night Sand! Hope you sleep…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Night.**

**Sandcoffin is offline**

**Winterfrost: I think I like you sand…**

* * *

><p>The next day I was sitting in drama class. Two others of The Shukaku were there. Gaara and Deidara. Itachi was also there. I liked drama class. I loved acting. It was like escaping from the real world. Modeling and acting were something I had a passion for, but doubted I would go anywhere with.<p>

Kurenai was explaining the project that would account for nearly a third of our grade. It was a play. She had handpicked it. Apparently it was about a poor girl named Calista, and a rich boy named Robert who we're in love. Then one day Calista suddenly leaves Robert to follow the wind. She leaves him a letter. He doesn't get it though. She comes back to the brokenhearted boy years later and they have this dramatic scene. And in the end she dies and he finds her letter. The letter was her telling him how she was dying, and that she wanted him to come after her. He never got the letter though, and so he never stopped her. He has to now live with a lifetime of What if's and regret. Obviously a tragedy. We're supposed to present it two days after Christmas. **_(1)_**

Right now Kurenai had a hat out, calling names for parts. There were 5 people. The rich boy Robert, the sister Ann, Calista the poor girl, Calista's ex boyfriend Michael, and the evil stepmother who doesn't have a name and just stands there at during once scene.

"Gaara!" Kurenai shouted over to the boy. He had been glaring at me the whole time. I was sitting in a seat besides Itachi.

"hn?"

"You have the part for Robert." She handed him a script. He frowned but took it anyways. Kurenei reached into the girls hat.

I felt sorry for whoever was stuck as Calista. Apparently the play had quite a few kissing scenes. With both Robert and Michael. The poor gi-

"Zena! You're Calista." Kurenai handed me a script. I took it with shaking hands. I didn't like this. Not. One. Bit.

I looked over to Gaara. He had an evil smirk on his face as he looked at me.

"Itachi you're Michael."

His smile dropped and turned into a glare. I looked over to Itachi. He didn't have any reaction. He looked at me and then at Gaara. He then put his arm over my shoulder. The whole class stared in a state of shock.

I shifted uncomfortably, hating Itachi right now. I could feel the hate rolling off of Gaara and the rest of the girls in the class. I wanted to shrink into oblivion.

"Ok class! Listen up! I want the four main characters to get together to do a basic read through. The rest of us are going to be doing props. You three!" She pointed at us. "Go in the green room to practice for the rest of the class so it's quiet."

The green room was what we called the prop room. Reluctantly I stood and walked with the other three to the room. Itachi was the first to enter. He walked over and pullet out two bean bag chairs. He motioned for me to sit on one. I could feel Gaara's eyes boring into me. I nervously sat down on one of them. Itachi sat to my left and Gaara to my right. The girl seemed pretty cranky for some reason and sat on the floor.

I picked up the script.

"Let's start." Itachi said. I nodded. We started to read the lines. It was mostly me and Michael for a while. Then me and Ann. Then a scene with Robert and his mom. Then a scene with Michael and Robert and I. I was having a hard time reading this because I was so nervous.

"Calista..." Gaara read. He was sitting across from me now.

"Robert there are forces out there that control our fates. I love you both. Michael you too! I do but… I can't marry either one of you. It just isn't our fate…"

"Please Calista. Don't leave me!"

"Robert… please don't do this. I ha-"

Now, this was the part where I was supposed to be interrupted by Robert kissing me. What I didn't expect was for 'Robert' to do just that. My eyes were wide and I didn't know how to respond as Gaara grabbed my wrist and pushed me against the boxes behind me. I let out a yelp. I didn't… I couldn't… what the fuck?

His tongue slipped into my mouth when I yelped. I felt it massaging my own and was shaking. I couldn't even fight it.

Luckily for me, someone else fought for me. Itachi grabbed Gaara by the back of his brown shirt and pulled him back. He looked at me and then glared at Itachi. Itachi pretended nothing had happened. Meanwhile the girl who played annd had her eyes wide and was practically hiding in a corner.

"Robert. Let her go you bastard! She doesn't love you. She is leaving because of you." He read the script. I knew it was my line.

I looked back down at the script, shook up. Gaara, that bastard! He used the script to torment me! Even now he was using whatever he could against me. I took a deep breath. "S-stop Michael. That isn't true. I am leaving because it's time for me to move on from here. I've stayed to long. I have stayed and I have fought. But I am sick of the fight!"

"Then you still love us! You love me don't you? You always have and always will." Itachi was a convincing actor.

"No Michael… I don't love either of you anymore. I've moved on. You should too."

I looked over to Itachi to see him gently place his lips over mine. I blinked several times. WOAH! OK! Someone shoot me! Was this even part of the script?

His kiss was gentle, no more than a peck on the lips. A calm kiss that was used to relay feelings. So much different from Gaara's. He moved his head away and looked me in the eyes. "Tell me you didn't feel anything in that." He read the next line without looking. I felt my heart skip a beat.

But more… I realized he was right. I didn't feel anything. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, Itachi had been moved away from me. It happened before I could blink. Gaara had him pinned against the wall. Their faces were inches apart as they stared each other down. Gaara had the advantage though as his arm was against Itachi's neck, cutting off his air supply. The girl playing Ann let out a yelp and shrank back even more.

I stood up quickly. "G-Gaara stop it!" I yelled, summoning my courage rushing over. I pulled on his arm holding Itachi up.

Gaara let go of Itachi and pushed me to the ground on top of some props and I felt a pain in my shoulder. He stormed over to me. "You're a slut Zena. A whore. That's all you'll ever be. Bitch." Gaara spat. He kicked me in the side and stormed out. Just then the bell rang.

Those words were too similar to ones I had heard before.

"_You're a fucking slut. A dirty whore! Being used by me was the best thing that ever happened to you and no man will ever want you!"_

Those words stung. They hurt more than any blow. I pushed myself up and walked out the door, ignoring Itachi who had reached out for me. I knew it was rude but I was so lost and confused. Why did it happen to me? I didn't understand any of it. I ran a hand through my hair. Nothing made sense anymore!

* * *

><p>1) I actually wrote that play for a writing class .<p> 


	6. Smokey Quartz

**A/N:** Ok! So things are going to be explained pretty soon. And yes, she will have another romance, but it wont be with Itachi. I think you will be surprised! You have i think three chapters until he comes in though! (I've written 15 chapters but there really rough so I have to edit them a lot before their ready to post)

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>The next week went somewhat smoothly. Gaara had gotten crueler towards me. The rest of them as well, but Gaara was always the worse. Itachi, Naruto and Shikamaru had done a good job protecting me. Something I still disliked admitting. I didn't know what I would do without them. We had a small mutual agreement. Itachi and Naruto protected me during class, and Shikamaru usually walked me and Zakari home. I didn't know why they picked Shikamaru, being the lazy ass he was. His brain was rumored to be the best in the country asides from his father, with an IQ of nearly 200. Hard to believe if you ask me, but if that was so then he really would be the best to walk me home strategically. After I got home, I would take care of Zakari, and chat with Sandcoffin once I put him to bed.<p>

I had a lot more time with Zakari, and so I took him to the park, I even planned to take him to the ocean in a week. It was the middle of winter and I knew that there would be snow falling soon. I wanted him to see the ocean though. He had never seen it before. I even planned to rent one of those bicycles with the child seat. It was only 10 dollars.

But… money had been a problem. My last paycheck was running thin. I was eating less, trying to make sure that Zakari still had enough. I knew I couldn't keep it up much longer. I noticed that when I got fatigued walking up the stairs in school.

* * *

><p>I knew what I had to do. On Wednesday I pulled Itachi aside after school. Of course, his fangirls hated me even more now; all of them were convinced I was screwing him. I wasn't of course. <em>No, I was only screwing his uncle…<em>

I shook my head at the thought. Instead I focused on the boy who I was currently standing beside in the empty calculus room. I swallowed my pride. "Itachi… remember how you mentioned a job or something…"

"Yes. I do." He smirked.

"I want to take it... I mean, if it's a nice one and… No, even if it isn't I will take it…" I looked down at my feet. I needed a job bad. I once again was forced to swallow my pride for Zakarai. Not that I minded.

"Ok. Then come with me right now." He said. In his frank manner he was already walking away towards the front door.

"W-wait! I have to get Zakari and find someone to watch him!" I reminded him.

"He can come with." Itachi grunted.

I hesitated but nodded. At least now I knew he wasn't taking me to a brothel. We walked over to a nice black car. It was a 2011 black Hyundai Elantra. It was a very simple, but very elegant car. Nothing to attract attention. I got in and noticed a camera when Itachi backed it out of the school parking lot. When he pulled forward it turned into a GPS. I nearly fainted. I couldn't remember the last time I rode in a car like this. I think it was when one of the church members drove me home from church with Zakari because I had sprained my ankle. The reason for the sprain was pretty obvious. The Shukaku.

He drove the one block to the daycare, where I got out and put Zakari in the back seat. I got in the back too, to watch him seeing as there was no car seat. I had to smile as he gushed at the car.

Itachi drove us to a tall building at least 19 stories high. I widened my eyes. A large sign hung over the buildings. Uchiha. Wow… the famous Uchiha modeling Co. The one which was ruled by the Uchiha family. The multi-million dollar business.

"Whoa! Look mommy!" Zakari pointed to one of those clear elevators as soon as we stepped out of the car. I secretly gapped as well.

"Come on. We need to go to the tenth floor." Itachi mumbled. He took us both on the elevator.

"Lift me up!" Zakari demanded of me.

"Manners" I reminded him.

"Pleeeease lift me up?" He cooed.

Unable to resist that look, I put him on my shoulders as we rode so he could see the city of Konoha better. Population 1,300,000. A nice city if they asked me…

We rode to the tenth floor where Itachi got out. I put Zakari down and felt oddly out of place with my holly jeans and ripped jacket. My hair wasn't straightened and my face had no makeup. I was unlike the other girls in this office. With their beautiful skirts and high heels and designer blouses. It was a stereotypical office that was for sure…

Worse, they were all giving me weird looks. I looked down and smiled sadly at my own appearance.

Itachi then lead the two of us into an office that overlooked the city. "This office is the one I use when I come here."

"But you're still in school!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, But I work with my relatives after school and on weekends. I manage some of the models myself." He took a seat at the desk and motioned for us to sit across from him.

Zakari sat in my lap and I caught him eying a tray of sweets on Itachi's desk. I nudged him. "It's not nice to stare baby." I whispered in his ear. He politely looked away.

"Help yourself." Itachi mumbled, pushing the tray forward.

Zakari's face lit up and he picked up a doughnut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. He looked at it for a minute before biting into it and devouring it. It was probably the first doughnut he had ever had.

Itachi leaned back. "Zena, how much do you weigh?"

"115" I said, looking slightly ashamed. I knew I needed to gain some weight, and I would as soon as I had food.

"Your height?"

"5'10"

Itachi looked me over and nodded. "You have straight A's and have already proven that you can handle responsibilities. I've never seen you gush over a guy before either. I'm curious about that one."

I laughed lightly. "What can I say? I already have a man in my life."

He looked down at Zakari and his lips twitched up. "I see. Well, to cut to the chase, I think that with your exotic looks, we can put you on as a sort of… trial model. We'll do a few shoots and I'll see how you do. After the results we'll decide if you have potential. Starting models don't get paid for shoots but they do get all their expenses like food and clothes and shelter paid for. Of course, this also means that you'll have to move into one of the designated apartments that Uchiha CO owns."

I bit my lower lip. "Food shelter and clothes… what about Zakari?"

"That will be included. And you can bring Zakari to work with you so you won't have to worry about Daycare. He seems like a well behaved kid."

I could barely believe it. "I really appreciate this. If I get this job… well, it seems too good to be true. I don't mean to offend you but… are there other um… arrangements that you want as well?" I was reminded of his uncle.

"There are actually." He confirmed. I felt all my hopes fall. So that was how it was.

"Two conditions. One, you need to exercise a bit. Stay at the same weight, or loose no more than five pounds, but get a little more toned. This is the one job where your sad excuse for a weight will benefit you. Two, you'll go shopping with me this evening for some more… suitable clothes while working."

I looked back up. Itachi was smirking. I was so confused by him. By every single thing he did…

"Thank you Itachi. I owe you more than I could ever repay."

"Thank me by working hard then. Now we need to get going so I can show you the way around the office and take you to a store."

And he did just that. We spent a good hour touring the place and meeting people. Most of them looked down on me. I shrugged it off.

Afterwards we drove to a store called forever 21. It was full of clothes that I could never have for myself. Well, not before Itachi.

"It's a cheap store, but has some good style. I'll pick you out several outfits… your style is…" He just looked at me as if that said it all. I smiled nervously.

He had me try on several outfits. Well... more than several. He head me try on a few dozen. He was extremely picky.

In the end he ended up purchasing me nine tops. A white 3/4th inch sleeve lace top, a smocked floral top, a white ruffle neckline top, a black cascading ruffle tank top, a blue polka dot wrap top, a pink shimmering crinkle top, a plane white button up shirt, A tan lace yok top, and a stripped red and white top.

He purchased me six dresses. One was a classic black and white contrast dress that you see most business woman wear here. He also got me a black trenchcoat dress with a belt, a tribal print contrast dress, a brown chiffon dress, a knit blue and black dress, and a one shoulder sequin dress. They were revealing to say the least.

For bottoms he kept it simple. He bought me four pairs of jeans, a pair of black shorts, a pair of white shorts, a pair of tan shorts, a white short skirt, a black short skirt, a red short skirt, and a blue short skirt. Too short if you asked me…

Lastly he bought me shoes and accessories. A pair of red high heels, black high heels, pink flats, black flats, white flats. He also bought me a few different bandana's and a straw hat and earrings, rings, some bracelets and necklaces. He purchased it all, not letting me see the final price (thank god) and then walked out and loaded it all into the car. Zakari and I had stayed in a stunned silence the whole time. I felt like I should offer to pay him back but... I knew I would never be able to.

He stopped by a pharmacy on the way home and bought some things that I vaguely recognized as makeup.

"I can't have you looking bad when you are with me." He grunted. I felt slightly ashamed…

Itachi helped me carry the stuff into my apartment. He looked around it and shook his head once more. Judgemental as always.

"Here, hand me the clothes." He grunted. He opened a drawer and dumped out all my clothes. He then began putting the new ones in it. I wanted to help but the way that he was doing it I would only get in the way.

I did interfere when I saw him stuffing all my other clothes except for what I was wearing in the bag. "What are you doing?" I asked.

He was able to fit them all in one bag. He put it over his shoulder. "Leaving." He informed, walking towards the door.

"Wait! My clothes." I shouted after him.

"Your clothes are in the drawer. I am merely disposing of these rags."

I glared. "No! What am I supposed to wear!"

"What I bought you."

"B-b-but those are… fancy and nice. I couldn't…"

"You can and you will. I expect you to be wearing those clothes and makeup tomorrow. Even If you do not have work. And on Saturday I will pick you up at noon to go to the shoot." He gave me a look that practically screamed: I am your boss and you will obey me.

I pouted and he smirked before leaving. GREAT! JUST GREAT!

I talked to Sandcoffin for a while that Night.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Winterfrost<strong>_**: He bought me a whoooole bunch of nice clothes! I was really surprised. But I am happy. Now if I pass the model test thingy I will have a job, some nice clothes, a new place to live, FOOD, and a place to take my son. If I do runway shows I get money for those, a lot of money. I am so excited! :D**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I see**

_**Winterfrost**_**: What?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: So… the guy who is picking on you, who leads this group, three of his friends split off from him? Now one of them offered you a job? He has connections to a modeling company?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah. He's the son of the owner. It was kinda weird but all of a sudden in the middle of a dodgeball game they defended me! And it was really kinda embarrassing because when the asshole confronted one of them, the same one helping me, he was asked why he was helping me and with all of them saying it was only 'cause I was screwing him, he said it was because of that! I thought I could die. .**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Were you?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh god no! He was just saying that to get them to leave me alone. He is such a nice guy.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: So you never screwed him?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Of course not. I mean I never talked to him.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Are you dating this guy now. **

_**Winterfrost**_**: NO!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Do you have any sort of relationship with him?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Omg! No!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Do you want to?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Ok seriously Sand? No! I mean, he is gorgeous, rich and strong but… I just don't feel anything with him. Hell, I feel more for my landlord.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Landlord?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Long story, don't ask. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: ok… so this guy, one of the three who left this 'assholes' group, then went and offered you a job as one of his models, took you shoping for clothes and is now demanding you wear makeup.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah I know… a little weird. But I am so grateful! This will really help.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I bet**

_**Winterfrost**_**: He says all I have to do is wear the clothes and exercise a bit**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: exercise?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah… he says I'm a perfect weight but I need to get toned, maybe lose 5 pounds. I hope that this works out.  
><strong>

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I hope so too. But be careful. I don't like girls that are nothing but skin and bone.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Why should it matter to you?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Doesn't.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: lol, Ok silly. Oh I marked the calendar! December 24****th****. That's three days before my school play!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: you have a school play 2 days after Christmas?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: YEP! You know, even though I have to act with the emotionless, cruel bastard… I am looking forward to it!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Oh**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Ok so on the 24****th**** we can meet! Then… how about... do you know where the Hokage's fountain is? **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah**

_**Winterfrost**_**: How about we meet there?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Sure**

_**Winterfrost**_**: What time?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Eight?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: sounds great! I can't wait. Next Friday and I finally get to meet you!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You don't sound excited. O_o**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I am.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You are so weird… lol**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, I need to get some sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow to do that my friend said.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Ok. Night. I need to go too. I need to think of some things.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Have fun! Later**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Bye…**

* * *

><p>I had to wake up extra early that day in order to get ready. I wore the trench coat dress and the black flats with two silver flower earrings and a matching ring. I felt odd, self conscious.<p>

But the worst part was still to some. Makeup. I wasn't familiar with this. But I reluctantly started it. I dipped the brush in the foundation and spread it across my skin lightly, not too much. I put on some mascara (which took a while to get right without the clumping), I smeared a little bit of bronzer on my cheeks and some silver eye shadow before calling it good.

I thought that I looked… surprisingly well. I just had to brush out my hair and put a black and red headband on. Then I woke Zakari up and we finished getting ready. I made sure to eat some toast. I also grabbed my old ugly coat and wrapped it over my jacket. It was too big so it fit ok. It also hid the dress a little.

Who the hell wears a dress in winter!

At school, the reaction was weird… nobody said anything. They just stared at me. I felt uncomfortable. I managed to make it through the halls and to my locker without sightings of Shukaku. With my luck, it wouldn't last. I had just put the coat in the locker when I heard them.

"Hey you! Why are you at the whore's locker un?"

Yep… that was definitely Deidara's voice. I sighed and turned to face them, my books in my hand.

They stopped. Deidara was staring without making a move. Hidan's mouth was open slightly, Kisame was paying attention to other things, Pein was as emotionless as ever, Sasori and Sasuke had bigger smirks than usual, and Gaara was… just staring with his eyes wide.

I closed my locker, and the sound seemed to shake them. They all blinked again. "Slut?" Hidan asked?

I sighed and looked down. "Hello Hidan."

"You got an outfit change…" He said like it wasn't obvious.

I nodded and turned around. He walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "So, this some new tactic to seduce more of us away like you did with Itachi? It isn't going to work little whore." Hidan spat.

I tried to shrug out of his grasp to no avail. He held on even tighter. I let out an exasperated sigh. "Hidan, I just got some new clothes and makeup that's all…"

"Sure it is." Hidan laughed, letting go finally.

"Well, I never looked at the little whore before, but now that I think about it, perhaps we should think of some more creative ways to punish her for being alive." Sasori walked up behind me as well. He put an arm around my shoulders. I felt myself wishing to disappear.

"You know what Sasori, you may be onto something." Hidan laughed again.

I widened my eyes. No… this couldn't be happening.

"Let go of her." Gaara said. They both obeyed, looking back confused. "We'll save this for later. Let's get to class.

They all blink but obeyed and walked past me, but Gaara stopped just long enough to say. "careful."

I shivered at his word. Was that a threat or a concern?I had a bad premonition in my gut…

One I should have listened to.


	7. Fire Opal

**WARNING:** This chapter deals with some mature topics such as rape and abuse. It also has a bit of violence. If you want to skip it its OK, at the end I will summarize it for you.

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><p>I was relieved when school was over Friday. Nothing had happened so far. Zakari and I went to the ocean that day for the first time. I also had rented the ten dollar bike. It gave me some of the exercise that Itachi wanted. As for the sea, Zakari loved it. He was running around while I hugged my worn coat closer to my body. I think he got his natural love for the ocean from me. I always felt a strong attachment to it. In my past life I must have been a pirate or sailor.<p>

I was wearing the black trench coat dress with the brown belt, with brown knee-highs and the black flats. I also put on a headband to keep my hair out of my eyes. My makeup was done in brown and silver hues. It was a mellow look but Itachi had been leased with it. He said I had a knack for makeup and dressing myself. I think he was just trying to make me smile after a long day.

"Mommy Can I go over to the playground?" He asked.

I smiled down. "Sure. I'll be right here in the sand watching you."

He grinned and ran for the slide. I watched him as he played, sitting in the sand with my kneed up to my chest. I was in a convenient location. There was high sand dune grass all around me, and I just had the slightest opening to see Zakari. The beach was nearly deserted this close to winter.

I sat there with that small smile on my face, and for a while everything seemed so perfect.

But good things never last.

"Well, Well, what a coincidence"

I spun around to come face to face with Sasuke. Behind him was Gaara.

Sasuke reached out and grabbed a handful of my hair, knocking my headband away. "Don't you think that you went too far Zena? You think that just because you have the dobe, the lazy genius and my older brother, that we'll leave you alone?" He gave my hair a tug. "You think that I won't ever do this again?"

He pulled me forward by the hair and onto his knee, connecting it harshly with my stomach. I gasped as the breath was knocked out of me and I struggled to breathe right. Sasuke let go of my hair and grabbed the back of my jacket and tore it off of me. "Here, I'll do you a favor. This rag looks like it needs some recycling."

In one strong tear, he ripped the seam and in another the sleeve was completely off. He ripped the other one off in the same fashion. I could still wear it as a vest though…

The tore at the already splitting seam on the back, ripping it in two. I had spoken to soon. I wanted to yell, to scream but… through the grass I could see Zakari, having fun. I couldn't them see him.

Gaara walked over to me and I was lifted up slightly as he brought a powerful, well practiced kick down on me and onto my ribs. I heard a sickening crack. Gaara laughed. "So tell me, what's with the new outfit?"

I wouldn't give him a reaction. Usually they left me alone faster when I did this.

He glared. He wanted a reaction. When his face lit up into a small smirk, I felt fear in my veins. He then did the last thing I ever expected. He grabbed my hair again and pulled roughly, bringing my face up. And then… He kissed me.

I wanted to scream, to fight, to widen my eyes and to gasp. I couldn't though. Even as Gaara's tongue darted into my mouth and messaged my own, I had to do nothing. I couldn't even bite it off. Zakari… Zakari…

"M-mommy?" I could hear his voice. "W-what are you doing to mommy?"

My eyes shot open. Gaara stopped kissing me and I pulled my mouth away. We both looked to where Sasuke was already staring with wide eyes. Zakari stood there. With his white hair and face that was an exact replica of me.

"Mommy?" Sasuke repeated, turning to me with shock

"Zakari baby, it's OK. I'm just playing with my friends. Why aren't you in the playground?" I smiled, as if I was not inconvenienced by being held up by my hair and as if the tears forming in the corners of my eyes didn't exist.

"I was bored. So I went over to see you. You… they hurt you mommy." His blue eyes were filing up with tears.

I felt my own heart break. I never wanted this… This was my worst fear. The Shukaku finding out about Zakari and then using him against me… or hurting him. "No. We were just playing. I don't hurt at all."

"Mommy, who are they? They aren't your friends. There scary." He whimpered. He was afraid, I could tell.

"Shh baby, it's ok." I tried to reassure, which was hard considering he had just witnessed me getting kicked in the stomach and forcibly kissed.

"I don't like them mommy…"

I forced my smile wider "It's OK. There my friends. It's OK baby…"

"Mom? You have a child?" Sasuke sputtered out, sounding legitimately shocked.

"I consider him my son." I said. Gaara was staring at the child and Sasuke was staring at my stomach.

Sasuke smirked. "Well well well, turns out you really are a slut after all!"

"Mommy! Your friend said a bad word!" Zakari hollered. "Your friends is going to hell!"

I loved Zakari…

"What? You little shit!" Sasuke cursed. He moved towards Zakari and instincts took over. I pushed myself out of Gaara's grasp and scooped Zakari up in my arms. I wrapped myself defensively around him.

"Don't. Touch. Him." I glared at the two men.

Sasuke stopped. "What a twist."

I looked down and closed my eyes, putting my head into his shoulder. I was found out. If only Zakari hadn't seen me.

"You have a son." Gaara said, still staring at him.

"You wont touch him." I mumbled.

"Is he your son?" Gaara asked again.

I shook my head. "I'm his guardian. You won't touch him…"

They looked at me again.

"Where are your parents and his?" he asked.

"The same people. Now as much as I love talking to you two, I have a son to take care of. So… can't I take a rain check today?" I put on a brave front, turning around and glaring.

"Cheeky little thing Aren't you." Sasuke walked up to me.

I turned my son away from him. "Mommy. I want to go back home."

"I know baby. I want you to too." I looked back up. "Please, I'll do anything. Just… at least let him go back to the playground… don't make him watch…"

"Anything?" Gaara raised an eyebrow.

"Anything" I agreed.

"You a virgin?" He finally asked.

I widened my eyes. Should I lie? "No…" I went with the truth.

"Fucking slut. Who was he?" Sasuke drawled. I covered Zakari's ears so he wouldn't hear their language.

I hesitated. There was no way I could tell him the truth. "A classmate." I went with. I didn't make eye contact.

Sasuke's foot came in contact with my back. I held still in order to prevent myself falling on Zakari. "Don't' lie to me."

"Who was it?" Gaara asked. He knelt down and looked me in the eyes.

"No. I won't tell you." I glared.

He glared back. "Fine. Maybe your son will tell us." He reached over to grab Zakari.

"Father!" I gasped out, moving my son away from his grasp. I felt tears once again sting my eyes. Great, another thing they could use against me. Better me than my son. I just had to keep Zakari in my mind and I could stay strong.

"What?" Gaara stopped. They both looked pretty shocked.

"My step father was the first one…" I admitted.

"That's sick." Sasuke mumbled.

"Oh? Is it any worse than a dozen men beating up a girl, and one doing it in front of her son?" I spat back.

"Are you saying were just as bad as a man who rapes his own daughter?" Sasuke glared, his fists shaking slightly.

I laughed humorlessly. "No. I'm saying your worse. He never had more than one person beating me. He never threatened an innocent 3 year old. He hasn't killed anyone. You're ten times as bad. I would rather be raped every day for the rest of my life than have you two live for another day!"

"You fucking little bitch!" Gaara raised his voice. Sasuke was too stunned to do anything so Gaara punched me right in the jaw, sending me back. I lost hold of Zakari and faintly tasted blood in my mouth. "You want to be raped huh? Oh, we can arrange that."

He pushed me down and straddled me. I freaked. I pushed back against him. "No! Not in front of Zakari! Stop!" I yelled.

"Leave mom alone!" Zakari hollered. He tried to run towards Gaara, but Sasuke picked him up. His eyebrows were furrowed and I noticed that he didn't hold my son too tight. If anything it was a normal grip. Gaara already had a grip of the top of my dress and was pulling it open.

"No! Please Gaara! Please! Let him go and I'll cooperate. I'll do anything. Don't make him watch this at least. Please…" I sniffed. Tears finally spilled over. All I wanted to do was be a good mom to my little brother. I had fought so hard. I could barely pay for us to live, was so thin it was unhealthy, and now he was having to watch me get beat and raped? "Please… Anything… I'll even let you kill me when He's 18. I swear. I'll do anything! Just let him go Gaara! Let my son go!"

Zakari was crying into Sasuke's chest. Sasuke sighed. "Come on man. This is going a little too far. I don't want to have to beat this kid cause he won't stop crying. We can get her later."

I was surprised. I didn't think Sasuke would have any sort of honor. Gaara stopped and looked at him, glaring. But after a minute he got off of me. "Fine. But don't think you escaped."

They left and Zakari ran towards me. I held him in my arms and for the first time, I broke down. We cried together in the middle of the park before I picked myself up, left my tatter jacket where it was, and we rode the bike back home in the cold, the first snow falling. I was shaking so badly that I was surprised I rode the bike as well as I did.

I knew that if it wasn't for Zakari, I would not be here anymore. He was my whole life. If something ever happened to him…

No. I couldn't even think of that. Just the thought was enough to bring new tears to my eyes. My rib was hurting terribly and I almost considered taking out some money for it. But no… that was a waste of money.

I walked into the house with Zakari sleeping on my shoulder. He was exhausted from crying all day. I set him down on the bed and smiled sadly down at him. Luckily winter vacation started monday. I had taken out some money from my personal savings. I was determined to get a present for Zakari.

I sighed and walked over to my computer.

**Winterfrost has signed in**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Hey**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Hi**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Damage?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: What are you talking about?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What did they do to you today?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: nothing.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What did they do?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I… it was the worst thing they ever did…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What was it?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: It was…. Oh god sand! It was horrible. I cant even describe what I'm feeling but don't know what I am going to do. They found out about my little brother and he saw them hurt me. I just don't know what to do! I told them I would do anything to just leave me alone. They won't though. I hate them! I wish they would just die! But... at the same time thats a really negative thought.  
><strong>

_**Sandcoffin**_**: … What exactly did they do?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: They… There were two of them. The leader and the right hand man.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: That sounds familiar**

_**Winterfrost**_**: What?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Nothing.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You are confusing me…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: It's nothing. But what was the damage?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: A broken rib, some bruising, and… well they didn't, but the guy who I hate the most… he almost raped me in front of my son. If it wasn't for his friend…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: … what is your son's name again?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Zakari. . hmm I just realized that we don't even know each others names. What is your real name?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I don't like telling people. But its Zakari?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yeah. Tch. Fine them be that way . you won't find mine out then! :P**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Zakari pronounced like Zachary?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: mhm…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Zakari…**

_**Winterfrost**_**: yeah**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Zakari?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Can you not read?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: No… I have to go.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: oh… ok. See you in one week then? I really appreciate you talking to me like you always do. If you didn't I… **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I really need to go! Bye. **

_**Winterfrost**_**: oh… Bye.**

_**Sandcoffin**_** is appearing offline**

_**Winterfrost**_**: If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here. I think I might love you….**

**Winterfrost is offline**

**Sandcoffin is appearing online**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Fuck… Zena. What have I done?  
><strong>

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><p>AN: Now for the promised summary.

Basically Zena takes Zakari to the beach. There he goes off an plays. She is confronted by Sasuke and Gaara. Sasuke rips her jacket up, and gets one hit on her. Gaara surprises her by kissing her. That is when Zakari walks in on it. They find out that Zakari is her brother, and that her Step father is the one who took her virginity. In the end Gaara comes close to raping her, but Sasuke convinces them otherwise. She goes home and talks to Sand about it. They make plans to meet up in one week, on Christmas eve. He realizes now that it is Zena.


	8. Red Aventurine

**100ratseminA:** NO! I can't have my most loyal reviewer dying! And yeah… HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY! I have half a mind to make him get beat up for being such a Meany! Maybe I will have her new love interest do that hehe... If he could…

**Shina no Miko :** And a new chappie you shall receive. XD

**Blackandwhiteangel13:** It is rather dramatic! All my stories are. I am attracted to it!

**lilnaraku**: Hehe, yeah I always get the weirdest ideals and then write whatever comes out. Most of it is on the spur of the moment.

**The Silent Hunter:** I saw your review and was like... hmm… I should update since I just have the chapter sitting around needing to be edited before I post it…

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><p>Itachi picked me up at exactly noon on Saturday. I was wearing blue jeans with a pink shimmering top and white flats. He said not to worry about makeup because they would take care of that. I hopped into the shiny black car with Zakari attached to my hip<p>

Itachi looked back at me. "Here" He handed a doughnut to Zakari. A coconut one.

"Thank you Ita!" Zakari grinned, taking the doughnut.

"No problem. Zena," He turned his attention to me. "I'm going out on a limb getting you this job. We won't know for sure until our photographer takes the Photos and they are discussed, but I'm almost positive you will get the job. It isn't easy though. You'll be riding with me to your job every day after school. I also will have you enrolled in a martial arts class to get you in better physical condition. There will also be eating and calorie restrictions, though…"

His seat creaked as he looked back at me. "I don't think you really have to worry about. I will not be your manager but I have already discussed your placing with one of our top managers… he deals with those who have more complex looks. You have heard of Mei Terumi?"

I opened and shut my mouth several times before answering. "Who hasn't? She's the most successful model ever! The title Kage was only given to the best of the best. Mei Terumi, the water shadow or Mizukage. There was also the Hokage-known as the fire shadow-Tobirama Senju who followed in the footsteps of the first Hokage his older brother and who was preceded by Minato before he passed away. Oh and there was Mu the Tsuchikage, earth shadow. There have been no Kage since the Mizukage and I heard she started her own modeling company in her older age."

Itachi nodded. "Yes. But she originally started out in Uchiha Modeling Co. The man I am having training you was also her manager. I showed him your school picture and he was impressed enough to take you on."

"Oh… Who is it?"

"Tobirama Senju. As you have already explained he was the second fire shadow. Of course, nearing 50 years of age he stepped down and now settles for managing people. The Mizukage was his first model. He also managed Yugito Nii, who has turned into one of the demons, nicknamed the demon cat. Darui, Samui, and Karui. This is why he has a reputation for taking on those with abnormal looks. He believes that while designers look for models that they can use as a blank slate, they also want one that stands out and can be remembered. So far it has worked for him."

I just nodded my head, trying to take it all in. He was nearly 50? Wow, an old man. I only hoped that he was nice…

The car swerved to the side and stopped outside Uchiha modeling co. Itachi opened the door for me and escorted me inside. We only went to the second story this time.

"Mommy, they look at me weird." Zakari whispered in my ear when I picked him up. I looked around and realized why he said such a thing. The hall that we were walking down was littered with people in business suits, girls in robes, people dressed casually and all of them bowed to Itachi and gave me odd looks, more specifically how close I was walking to Itachi and Zakari, my spitting image in my arms.

I held him a little closer. Itachi opened a door to the left. The room was full of clothes. There was a pretty girl with brown hair in a contrast dress.

"This is the one I told you about. Get her ready for the test shot. A plain white background is what I was told of. Make her look favorable to Tobirama Senju.

The girl bowed. "Yes Mr. Uchiha."

"I'll be back for you in an hour. She will escort you to makeup after your outfit is figured out. I'll watch Zakari for you until then. Oh, and I will be reporting to Tobirama so he may be coming in." He opened his arms. Zakari hesitantly transferred into them.

"Good luck mommy!" Zakari gave me thumbs up, reminding me of Naruto.

"See you two then." I smiled.

Hey closed the door and I turned to the woman who was instructed to take care of me. She was looking me over. "Hello Mrs.…"

"Oh! My name's Zena Ukitake." I held out my hand. She took it, shook once and then turned around to rummage through the desk. She pulled out a measuring tape rope.

"Ms. Ukitake, I am going to need you to undress completely so I can weigh you and take your measurements. Also, I need to know how much damage your pregnancy has done to your body." She stood in front of me.

"Ok I- wait! Oh no!" I waved my hands in front of me defensively. "I am his guardian, he isn't me biological son. My little brother actually."

She raised a carefully sculpted eyebrow. "Oh? That is good news then. I need some basic information."

I nodded.

"Age?"

"17"

"Height?"

"5 feet ten inches."

"Step on the scale and read me the weight."

"115 pounds."

"Room for improvement but still good." She mused. "Natural eye color? Is it that pale green I see?"

"Yes."

"Natural hair color?"

"Yes"

"What br-"

"So this is the new one?" A male voice rang out from the door.

Spooked slightly, I couldn't help but flinch. I turned around to come face to face with a man who looked no older than thirty. He had grey hair and red eyes, with three red lined on his face. One on each cheek and his chin. Most striking was his red eyes. He was a very good looking man.

"Hokage" The girl whose name I still didn't know greeted, bowing low.

I raised an eyebrow. So this was the man who would possibly be my manager? But he looked so young! The girl cleared her throat and realizing that I had been staring, I blushed and bowed.

"No need for such formalities. You must be Zena Ukitake. I was just eager to see the girl who Itachi went out of his way to bring in. Do you two have something together?" Tobirama asked.

I blushed. "N-no! He's a classmate and we spend some time together out of school but... I really don't have anything with him." I admitted. I didn't feel anything for Itachi, which was weird. He was rich, handsome and strong…

"I see. So what do you think of her Tou?"

"Forgive me sir, but I have yet to do anything other than get her basic information." The girl, whose name I now knew was Tou, apologized.

"No worries. This works out well. I am curious about this one." He rubbed his chin, and then turned his piercing red eyes on me. "Strip."

I blanched. Did I just hear him correctly?

"I need you to undress to nothing but your underwear." He repeated.

"Sir?"

"Don't worry; I have seen all my models naked numerous times." He reassured me, though I thought that made him sound perverted. "This is so I can get a feel for what will suit your body left, and what sort of clothes you compliment."

I hesitated before starting to do what he said. It wasn't that I hadn't been naked in front of a male before, it was just awkward like this. Reluctantly I dropped everything but my bra and underwear.

"The bra needs to come off as well." Tobirama spoke in an official tone.

I bit my bottom lip and nodded, letting it drop. Tou held out her clipboard while Tobirama walked around me. "Stand up straight."

I stood up a little straighter.

"Tou, write down what I tell you to."

She nodded and readied her pin.

"Spine lacks the natural curve that others do, probably a birth defect but in this case an asset (**1).** We won't have to worry about posture." He stared at my back for another minute before looking at my stomach. "What was her weight again?"

"One hundred and fifteen sir."

"Loss of three pounds." He said, she scribbled it down. He then looked at my breasts. I shifted. "What's your cup size?"

"B." I admitted.

"Even breasts." He felt a lock of my hair. "Needs a haircut to get rid of split ends. Extremely fine hair. High cheekbones. Defined nose. High ears. Medium forehead. Flawless skin. Good, very good."

He stepped back. "The skin condition of her body and the pale tone is good. The-" He stopped, squinting his eyes. He suddenly got closer to me. He looked at my ribs, and then ran his fingers across them gently. He hit a sensitive spot and I winced. He froze, and then pressed harder. I let out a hiss.

"What is it sir?" Tou asked, curious as well.

"Broken ribs… two of them, bruises around them." He said, looking up at me. He lifted my arm and scanned it as well. "Small cut on left shoulder… bruising around wrists and both forearms. Wide array of bruises on legs and back. Most of them are fading. And… a fading bite mark on collar bone."

"You mean a love bite?" Tou raised an eyebrow.

"No. A bite mark… what happened here?" He looked up at me.

"Um… I was bitten." I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn't want to sound like a smart ass but…

"Rough night?" He asked.

I blushed. "No… I got in a fight and was bitten…"

"Is that how your body got in this condition?"

I nodded. He gave me a look that said he clearly did not believe me, but stayed silent on the matter.

"Purple's are a no for her. All other colors are a go." He continued. He squeezed my arm a bit. "Remind me to tell Itachi that she does need to enroll in a martial arts class to get more toned. We can't have what little meat she has on her sag."

She nodded.

"Well…" He stepped away. "That seems good for now. I'll get everything set up… I'm changing the background to black by the way. Have her ready in 45 minutes."

With that he turned and walked out abruptly. I looked at the door... wow… that was an impression. "I thought he was going to be older… Itachi said he was in his 50's…" I said to Tou.

She smiled. "He is. He looks younger than he is. It's from his modeling years. When you stop eating so much you age less. The same will probably happen to you if you are approved.

"Oh…"

"Come on, let's get you fitted and into makeup." Tou waved me over, standing beside a rack of black clothes and rummaging through them. She seemed to know what she was looking for already.

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><p>Itachi picked me up 40 minutes later. I felt extremely self conscious. I was wearing a pair of plain black underwear, with an extremely shaggy coat that was baggy and open in the front. Nothing else. I was gripping it tight to prevent it from opening and expose me to Itachi. Even then, it barely covered my butt.<p>

They had done extremely dark makeup on me with eye shadow and eyeliner. My hair was slicked back into a tight bun and my lips were shaded with a reddish brown color. They had put on a simple and plain makeup other than that to bring out my nose shape, cheekbones and jaw line.

Itachi looked me over. "You look good like that."

I didn't know if he was joking or not. "Thanks… where's Zakari?"

"I told Tou to take care of him during the shoot. I didn't think you wanted him to see you like this."

I nodded in gratitude. He led me out of the makeup room and down the hall. "Head up. Look confident." Itachi reprimanded.

I tried to do what he told me. I put my chin up and pretended that I knew what I was doing. Now the stares that I got were a little different. Manny raised their eyebrows, some whispered to others, but I didn't get any glares or dirty looks like before. It felt good.

He opened a door to reveal another room. The room was set up with a black plain screen, a camera, and a small desk. There were two men standing in the room, one of which was Tobirama.

"Mr. Uchiha." The man whose name I did not know bowed.

I noticed that Tobirama had no such formalities. "Itachi, tell Tou that she did well." He said, looking me over.

I wondered if they could see my blush. Itachi smirked and patted my on the back.

"Ok. Peter, this is Zena Ukitake. Zena, this is Peter Lindbergh, photographer for Numerous. They agreed to do your first photo shoots, already being here. In return I have given them permission to use the photos they take as they please free of charge. That jacket you're wearing is actually one of Irina Marie's most recent designs; she commonly uses their magazine to advertize." Tobirama explained.

"Already trying to make her public I see." Itachi smirked. "I leave her in your hands Tobirama, Mr. Lindbergh." He inlclined his head and left out the door.

"Ok. I need you to step in front of the black screen, right where the tape is." Peter instructed.

"Yes sir," I did as instructed.

"Now turn a little to the left. Good. Chin up, just leave your arms at the side, and stop clutching your coat. Head up now…" He walked over, camera in hand and moved the right of the jacket down on my shoulder, exposing one color bone and hiding the other. He moved some of the fir on the left side and positioned it over my left breasts. He exposed as much of my right breast as he could without the nipple showing, and my black underwear was fairly visible. It felt weird being touched like this, but at the same time I was comfortable because of the professional aura he gave off.

He stepped back and over to the camera. "Good. Now this coat is a dark piece. A confidant piece. Pretend that the camera is someone who you hate. But now you are so far above them. You want to show off your power to them."

I pretended the camera was Hidan and I was his boss at an office. It was surprisingly easy to pretend I was looking down on him. Peter snapped a few photos.

"That's it. Let the hate and the confidence roll of your body. Turn your lips up a bit, narrow your eyes. You are so much better than this person. Let that feeling consume your body, control your posture and movements."

I did what he said, and could practically feel the hate rolling off of my body. I felt good... really good… It was so easy to forget about the camera, about Tobirama. It was only me and Peter's guiding voice.

"That's it… that's it…" Peter murmured, snapping more shots. "Jut out your leg a little. Yes…. Now move your hands in front of them. Mhm. Good good! Arch your back a little. Now smirk a little, like your positions have turned. It's your time to punish this person who's underestimated you…."

It continued like that for nearly a half an hour. He corrected a few things, but seemed pleased by the time it ended. I felt more confident when it was over.

Tobirama walked up to me smiling. "Well, what do you think?"

"I liked it a lot sir… It was fun and I felt really zoned into it." I smiled.

He nodded his head. "Good. Peter, what do you think?"

"I'm pulling the pictures up on my laptop right now, but it's very promising." He nodded his head, typing away at a computer.

Just then there was a knock on the door, followed by it being opened and two figures emerging. Zakari went practically flying into my arms. I caught him gracefully and put him back down. "Zakari? What are you doing?"

"Ita!" He pointed behind him. I looked to see Itachi, and he looked pretty winded, his breathing was a little laboriously as he walked up to me.

"He give you a hard time?" I giggled.

"Of course not." He grumbled.

I laughed again. "Yeah, Zakari is a mover."

"Mommy, why are you dressed like that?" Zakari looked over my outfit.

Suddenly realizing my state I shut the jacket tightly. "Ah, mommy was just working."

Zakari opened his mouth to say more but luckily peter interrupted us. "Now who's this?"

"This is her younger brother who is in her guardianship." Itachi informed them both or me. I nodded.

"Would explain it. I didn't see an evidence of pregnancy on her body." Tobirama nodded.

"That's good. He's a charming little boy. Have you ever considered getting an agent for hi-"

"No." I interrupted peter. "No. I want him to have the life of a normal child."

Tobirama nodded. "For the best. Manny parents get greedy with their children and try and make money off of them. I have seen some cruel stuff." He shook his head in disgust.

"Good! good! Here's the photo's." Peter finally exclaimed, looking over them. "Come, look, look." He ushered the men over. I stayed back a little ways with Zakari. They began flipping through them. "Come look Zena." I was waved over by peter as well.

"Stay here Zakari." I instructed. He pouted but didn't argue.

They were at one photo when I had my hip jutted out. I barely recognized myself. I looked confident, and evil. It was black and white but… I liked it.

"There's obviously room for improvement," Tobirama said, making my heart fall. "But she has a talent that I haven't seen since the Mizukage. It would be a great loss to give her up. If she improves like I think she will, she could become one of the demons. I should set her up to do a shoot with Utakata."

Itachi and Peter nodded in agreement. Peter rubbed his chin. "I may recommend that they do an article about her in the magazine."

"Talk to Tobirama about that, he's her manager now." Itachi shrugged, standing up. He looked at me.

I let it sink in. I was approved? "Thank you so much Itachi!" I exclaimed wrapping my arms around his neck in a hug.

He hesitantly rapped an arm around my waist. "No problem?"

I let go of him and picked up Zakari. "Mommy's got a job." I cooed.

He giggled and cheered with me, even though I doubted he even knew what we were talking about. I settled down and held him close to my chest. This was good… really good…


	9. Amethyst

Itachi and Tobirama had set some rules in place before they let me leave that day. They gave me a list of foods that were taboo, and a max amount of calories a day of 1,200. Furthermore, starting January, things would be changing drastically. I was to move into one of the apartments reserved for the models. I was to attend marital arts lessons every Saturday for three hours, and have a personal trainer at the gym at least three days a week. Runway lessons would be on Monday after school, shoots would be whenever I was scheduled, and I was expected to do weekly weigh-ins and body checks. The good news, they let me keep the black jacket I had modeled in as a gift. It was worth a few hundred dollars, so I would take whatever I could.

Being a model was stricter than I thought, but it was something that so far I had enjoyed.

I went back to do some more fitting with Tobirama the next day after church. We were there so late that I let Naruto come by and pick up Zakari at seven, taking him home for me. It was boring work really. I had to fill out paperwork, and then attend a small conference. I also had an interview with someone Peter had sent over. They asked a lot of questions about what got me into modeling, how I was doing and stuff. I bullshitted my way through a lot of it to be honest. But most of the time was spent by me and Tobirama just talking and interviewing. He did a few more pictures for profile ones, but that was it.

Luckily, it was 11 now and I was free to go. It would take me about half an hour to an hour to get home if I walked at a brisk pace. I owed Naruto big time for watching Zakari like this. I looked up into the sky, just as the first snowflake fell. I shivered, upset that I was too afraid to bring the black jacket I modeled in for fear of it being ruined. I hated Sasuke for tearing up my only real jacket…

But, there was a way I could cut five minutes off my walk. It was a dark, unlit alley. It was so black I could barely see anything in it. I was wearing the short strapless chiffon dress with my red high heels and a red headband. My hair was done in elegant curls from the hairdresser for the interview and the profile pictures. Needless to say, I was freezing and dressed revealingly. It would be risky to take the alley.

So what did I do? I decided to take the alley. I was eager to get home to Zakari. On Friday I was going to go shopping and I was going to buy a present for him, Itachi, Naruto, Shikamaru, and Sand. I didn't know what sand liked but I suppose I could just go with my instinct. Then later that day we were going to meet up.

I felt weird though, as I walked down the alley. I felt like I did whenever I knew that Shukaku was around… uneasy. Queasy.

I had a right to be. I heard footsteps behind me. I looked around but it was too dark. I listened closely. Two sets of feet. They could just be walking the same way I was. Probably.

I hear another set of foot prints. This one right ahead of me. Getting closer to a streetlight I could now see the silhouette of a man in front of me.

"Excuse me," I murmured, moving to pass him. His arm jolted out to stop me. That was when I knew that this wasn't good.

I backed up, only to back into another man. "Excuse me…" I mumbled again, trying to move. He grabbed my arm.

"Lookie what we have here. You lost?" He sneered.

I shook my head. "N-no. Um, excuse me I have to get home." Suddenly, I wished I had washed off the makeup and undone my hair from earlier that day.

His arm wrapped around my waist. "Come on, don't be like that."

"We only want to hang out with you." The one in front sneered.

"So have some fun. You seem uptight. Let us relax you." The third one chimed in.

"No thanks…" I mumbled, trying to push out of the guys grasp.

It backfired as he held me closer. I winced slightly as he brushed up against my broken rib.

"Just relax." He repeated his mouth next to my ear.

"N-no! No! Let go!" I started to raise my voice, struggling out of his grasp. Well, trying to. I reached over to hit him, but his friend grabbed both of my arms. The one in front of me laughed.

"We saw you come out of Uchiha modeling. You some big model or something? You're pretty you know that?"

I glared. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! RA-"I was cut off by a hand to my mouth. I screamed against it but it was futile.

And then the hand let go of me, but I kept still. I noticed something else against me. Something cold and sharp.

"That's a good girl. We don't want to hurt you." One of them cooed. He slowly lowered me to the ground. I was helpless. If I moved the blade would cut me. A snowflake landed on my cheek, melting and traveling down to the ground on which others like it had begun to gather. It was freezing cold against my back.

One of them men not holding the blade straddled me. He moved his hands along my body in a way that made me sick. He took the blade form the other man and traced it down my neck until it reached the top of my dress. Then he cut it. He cut it straight down the middle. The dress that Itachi had spent time and money on choosing for me, a gift. And he had destroyed it… I don't Know why, but that really got to me.

It made me want to cry. This was… it was too much. I shut my eyes tight, but that just made it easier to feel his hands as they roamed over my skin, as they snaked under my bra and then ghosted over my underwear. I could feel it all too clearly, could smell his breath as he kissed my ear, my neck, my chest.

I anticipated the worst when he removed my bra and his hand snaked inside of my underwear. This didn't bring me any pleasure like Madara always did. This brought a bile feeling to my mouth.

SMACK!

I opened my eyes, hearing curses and the hands that were on me disappearing. I saw some sort of a scuffle. One man was fighting them all. I was too shaken to even move. I looked at the dress… it was no hope. My hands were too shaky to pick it or the bra up. I was so close to tears… It was so humiliating. I was wondering who my savior was though. It was so dark. When I looked back because it had quieted, I gasped.

To my surprise, all three of my attackers were on the ground. The man was standing over them. I looked up in aww.

"T-thank y-you." I shivered. I tried to stand up but my body was too shaky. He walked over to me. I could tell he had rust colored hair as he neared the light. I was nervous as he said nothing.

"I really owe you." I tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a weird sob sound. He got closer and I could see the outline of his face. Then he stepped into the light and I could see him now.

My angel of salvation turned out to be the demon of my nightmares.

Gaara of the sand.

My breath hitched. "G-Gaara…" I whispered. He took another step and I backed up a little. His face was unreadable.

"Please Gaara." I tried to plead with my shaky voice. He said nothing, just took another step. I backed into the alley wall.

I tried to stand. I was able to get up on my feet, but then my knees buckled and I fell back down. Two arms caught me. I took a breath. He smelled like cedar and lemongrass. I closed my eyes for a second.

They snapped back open. Gaara! This wasn't good. It would be better to let the other men have me… I might be alive afterwards. This wasn't good. Wearing nothing but a pair of underwear and in the arms of a man who wanted to kill me. Late at night and with nobody around… He could kill me. He would!

Adrenalin pumped through me as I pushed away. He held onto me tight though, didn't let me move. "You're that afraid of me?"

"N-no." I lied.

"Don't lie to me." He said. He pushed me away and I fell back onto the ground. I was unable to even catch myself. I hit the ground, wincing as it jolted my rib.

"Gaara, I'm sorry…" I didn't care about pride right now I was too shaken up.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked. I realized that I didn't know. For being alive I guessed.

"I could kill you right now. I could rape you." He smirked, looking down at my body. I felt my heart skip a beat. He… he really was the worst. I felt tears well up in my eyes and a few escape. I didn't even bother wiping them away.

"T-then just do it! Get it over with. They were going to do it anyways. What does it matter? Just g-get it done with so I can get home to my s-son." I tried to glare at him, but I wasn't sure how effective it was.

He let out a sigh and removed his shirt. I closed my eyes. So this was it… I knew he would probably do this sooner or later but… it was too much. Sometimes life was too cruel.

I felt him grab my hands and put them over my head. I didn't even resist. But instead of a kiss or a kick, I felt cloth go over my head and hands. I opened my eyes again and looked down. This was his shirt! Why?

He reached down and picked me up bridal style. I was too stunned and scared to do anything. I felt another racket of shivers hit me. He didn't say anything, just walked me over to a red sports car and put me in. I didn't ask, I could barely even tell that the color was red. I was too out of it. He set me in the passenger seat and buckled me in. I felt my hopes rise just a bit, that perhaps he wouldn't hurt me.

"Why were you out there so late?" He broke the silence when he got inside of the car and started it.

"I w-was working."

"Why are you working?"

"I have responsibilities." This was not normal. Usually Gaara would be too busy harassing me to carry on any sort of a conversation. I felt so uneasy.

"Where are you working?"

"Uchiha modeling co."

"As?" He turned to look at me for a second before turning back.

"Um, a model…"

"Manager?"

I stopped. I didn't want to answer any more questions for I did not trust him with the answers. "Where… are you taking me?" I had to ask.

He didn't respond, just continued driving. "So Itachi and your manager let you walk home, wearing practically nothing in the middle of the night?"

I shrugged, not in the mood to defend anyone. I felt… so dirty. So filthy from those men touching me. Sure, sometimes I felt dirty when Madara and I did things… but never like that. I reached up and wiped a stray tear away.

The car stopped but I wasn't paying attention, I was trying not to think of the nights events. I was still afraid of what Gaara was going to do. A hope of him letting me go rose, but it disappeared just as quickly. Gaara would never be so nice.

My door opened. I took that as a cue to get out. With wobbly legs I tried to stand but even though I was calmer, I was still shaken up. My legs gave out and I fell into Gaara's arms again. I tensed. He let out his breath in a sigh as he picked me up bridal style for the second time. I wasn't sure why, but I found myself blushing. Maybe it was because as he picked me up, I was sure that he could feel my skin against his. I could hear the beating of his heart, it was beating fast. Because of the fight I presumed.

He carried me up to my door and kicked it a few times.

"Oi what the h-" Naruto stopped talking as soon as he swung the door open and looked at the two of us. Gaara roughly pushed him aside and walked over to the kitchen.

"Gaara! You bastard!" Naruto seethed. He had his fist clenched but was talking low. Zakari must be asleep.

"What?" Gaara asked impassively as he stood there. I waited for him to put me down. He didn't.

"What the hell did you do to her Gaara?" He looked at my appearance. My uneven hair and his lack of a shirt which was on me. I could tell he was close to throwing a punch. "Put her down."

"Why should I?" He taunted.

"G-Gaara… Naruto…." I tried to intervene.

Naruto was shaking himself now. "Let her go!" He rushed at the two of us and tried to pull me out of Gaara's arms. Gaara pivoted away and jutted out a foot, kicking Naruto away. I gasped. Was all my hope of being let go false? Was Gaara just here to show Naruto what he was going to do?

"Please…" I mumbled. Gaara looked down at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Please Gaara, let me go. I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Why are you sorry Zena? What did he do to you?" Naruto was standing back up.

Gaara grunted and set me down. I wobbled slightly but was able to sink into one of the kitchen chairs with Naruto's help.

"Nothing…" I admitted. Naruto wasn't buying it.

"Did… did he touch you?" He put a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"Gaara, tell me what you did. Tell me what the hell you did to her!" His voice rasped. I looked down at the ground.

Naruto made to move towards Gaara again, but stopped when I grabbed his pants. "Please Naruto don't fight. Zakari's asleep isn't he? Don't wake him. Gaara really didn't do anything to me. I was being attacked and he saved me..."

"You mean Itachi let you walk home alone?" Naruto glared at the door.

"No. He wasn't there. I was with Tobirama and I think he figured that I had a ride." I confided. I felt Gaara's eyes on me. "Naruto, thank you for putting Zakari to bed. I'll find a way to pay you back later…"

"Don't worry about it Zena! It's the least I can do after everything we put you through. Everything Shukaku put you through." He directed these words at Gaara, who stiffened.

"Naruto, can I talk to Gaara for a second?" I asked meekly.

He hesitated. "But he'll hurt you…"

"I'll be fine." I reassured. He looked doubtful still. "I'll call out if anything happens."

"Ok… but I'm warning you Gaara, if you touch her I'll kill you" And with that he left and disappeared into my room.

I took a deep breath. "Gaara…" I started.

Gaara walked slowly over to me. I felt myself leaning away a little. He walked up and stood as close to me as he could get without touching me. I knew if I looked up I would be very close to his nether regions.

"Do you think I will touch you?" He asked.

I hesitated. What should I say? I shrugged.

He reached over and grabbed my chin, pulling it up. I timidly looked up and into his eyes. He smirked. "I will."

My breath stopped. I knew it was too good to be true… The day Gaara decides to be nice is the day that I die. I closed my eyes, as if waiting for him to do something.

"But not today."

"W-why?" My eyes snapped open as he let go of my chin.

"I don't touch girls who have been recently touched by others." He shrugged.

"Then… if I am being intimate with someone else, you won't touch me?" I tested.

He glared own at me. "Don't even think about it."

"So… if I told you that I was already intimate with someone, you wouldn't touch me that way…" I continued.

"I would kill you" His hand traveled up to my neck. I smirked lightly.

"You already have…" I whispered.

"You look alive to me."

"I suppose. But looking alive and being alive are two different things. But I'm breathing… and I have two people to thank for that…"

"Itachi and Zakari?" He guessed.

"Zakari and sand…" I mumbled, thinking of my IM friend. I just wanted to sleep; I would tell Sand about it all tomorrow.

I noticed that Gaara had said nothing for a long minute. I looked up to see his eyes staring at me, with unreadable emotion flashing through them.

"Sand?" He finally spoke, his voice sounded strained.

"A friend of mine…" I shrugged. It felt weird, we were almost having a civil conversation.

"His name is sand?"

"Um, well that's what I call him. I don't know his real name…" I confessed, biting my bottom lip with embarrassment.

"I'm leaving." Gaara said abruptly, and then turned before I could even say anything. I didn't even have a chance to thank him. I tilted my head at the odd behavior but just then Naruto came in.

"Did you talk to him?"

"No... He left before I could thank him…" I sighed and was finally able to stand up, having calmed down.

"Thank the bastard? He doesn't deserve thanks." Naruto grumbled.

"Naruto, he saved me from being r- ra- um, attacked in an alley. I should have at least thanked him."

"He may have saved you, but probably just so he could do it himself later. If you don't remember he tried to do the same thing just a few days ago."

"I know you're probably right but…" I shrugged. "He still did save me. Well, thank you for watching Zakari, I owe you."

"Like I said, its just payment for never helping you before. Are you sure you'll be ok and all?" He looked at me in the eyes.

I nodded my head again. "Yeah. I have Zakari here. I'll lock my door. See you Friday? Are you still good to watch him?"

"Of course. I like the kid. He looks like I used to only with white hair! Besides, I get lonely living by myself. It's nice to be around someone." He exclaimed with a smile.

I had to smile back. Naruto's mood was always contagious. As I went out the door I called after him. "Thanks again Naruto. See you then at seven."


	10. Hematite

I worked all day with Itachi and Tobirama the next day. Itachi heard about what had happened from Naruto and was furious I hadn't called him. He swore that he would never let that happen again. I told him I was okay and that was all that mattered. From now on I was to call him if I was walking home after dark, which meant after five this late in winter. It upset me but at the same time I was glad that someone cared.

I got home around nine. Tobirama had brought me home. We had finally composed a file and he was trying to get me a few jobs with some magazines. He had booked two. One was a deodorant add and the other was modeling for a perfume called Confidence that was apparently well known and very expensive. When I asked why they wanted me, Tobiramu said that the male model who they want me to model with, one of the demons, is famous for never modeling with the same girl twice. Apparently they saw my picture with the black jacket and said that that was what they were looking for: a no-name model that would spark interest. That was to take place on Wednesday.

Finally I was home and ready to rest. I opened the door to my shack with a sleeping Zakari in my arms. His chest rose and fell rhythmically. I set him in bed and then logged onto my computer. To my glee, Sand was on.

**Sandcoffin is online**

**Winterfrost is online**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Hey**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Hey Sand! Sorry I wasn't on last night.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Where were u?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You won't believe what happened… I don't even believe it…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, I was on my way home from work when I was jumped… it was around 11. It was foolish of me… but these three guys come out and they almost… you know**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yeah… what happened?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You know the guy I usually refer to as an asshole?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Mhm**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, he suddenly appeared and he stopped them.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: That was nice of him.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I know! I thought he was going to pick up where they left off… But all he did was take me home. I don't know why… I'm confused. I thought he would have let them do whatever or… do it himself.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Maybe he isn't as bad as you think**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Sand, are you kidding? He wants me dead.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: How do you know that?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Um… he told me! More than once.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Maybe he was just talking big.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Remember the time that he stabbed me in the arm? The time that he broke my wrist? Or the time that he broke three of my ribs and my ankle? Or the most recent time where he broke my rib again, two actually, and tried to rape me in front of my son? He would have too. Sand… he's a cold bastard who wants me dead. He would have killed me by now if it wasn't for the other members of Shukaku or my three newest friends.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Shukaku? **

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh yeah. That's the name of his gang or whatever.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What is this man's name? The one who makes your life hell.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Gaara. They actually call him Gaara of the sand. It's creepy! They call him that because he leaves the souls and sometimes the bones of a person shattered beyond repair. Like sand. There's only one guy scarier than him. They call him Pein because that's what he inflicts. They say nobody has ever survived a fight with him. He kills each one.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Who are the other members?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, there's one named Konan. She rarely ever gets involved. She and Pein are kind of together. But when she does get involved, they say her grace is unmatched. She fights like a tiger, fierce and smooth. I don't know much though… I have never seen her in action.**

**Then there's a guy named Sasori. He can be perverted but is pretty emotionless. He's extremely impatient and likes to create things. He is an artist.  
><strong>

**His best friend/enemy is Deidara. A real weirdo who says un after every sentence. He's also easily annoyed and is an artist. He works with fireworks and explosions. He is the guns master of the group.**

**There's one named Neji who doesn't fight too often. When he does he is fast. I mean, I can barely see his movements. When he fights he strikes for your organs, trying to do internal damage… and trust me, he knows what he is doing.**

**Hidan is another thing all together. He has a foul mouth and is kind of stupid. When he fights he doesn't care about getting hit himself. He likes to torture you before he is done. He practically has an orgasm from the pain and seeing blood. He is one of the worst… second to Gaara when he picks on me.**

**Kisame keeps to himself. He doesn't fight too much, but when he does he can be ruthless and has unmatched strength. He doesn't trust people either. I wouldn't be surprised if he betrayed them. He does his own thing.**

**Sasuke is… well… interesting. He is the guy that every girl wants to date. He's cold but also can be nice at times. He likes to use his fists and legs when fighting. He is actually the only reason why the one named Gaara didn't rape me. He has a heart, but it's hidden.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Tell me more about Gaara.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Gaara? He is an enigma. He seems to only love for himself. In his eyes… I always see bloodlust. He wants to kill. I can just feel it. He likes to inflict pain the most of anyone but Hidan. I don't know what happened… but he is the second best fighter to Pein. I think he is wasted. I mean, he is actually good looking and smart. If he wasn't such a sadistic bloodthirsty bully he might be worth something.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Good looking and smart?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well yeah. I hate to admit it but his looks are my type, and he is smart. Not as smart as some others like this guy named Shikamaru, but above average.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Good looking? What about him is good looking?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I don't know. That's a weird question…**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I want to know.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Well, I guess the way his hair complements his face. He has this deep red hair, the color of blood once it dries. And his eyes are green. He has black rims around them and this kanji on his forehead. He's well built too. I can't really describe it but he is a good looking person.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I see**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Why are you so distracted with his looks? You gay?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Funny**

_**Winterfrost**_**: You know I love you. haha**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I'm sure**

_**Winterfrost**_**: What you don't believe me?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: You don't even know what I look like.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: No, but I know your personality. I think of you as a really good friend! You could look like an ewok for all I care. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: What if I turned out to be someone like Gaara.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: There's no way that could happen! You are too nice, sweet. You are never mean to me. I know your personality well enough to know you could never be like HIM! He's just a bastard who lives for killing, for destroying people. You actually have a heart… though there's something about Gaara that perturbs me..**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: ?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: His eyes… Call me cheesy... but there deep. He's seen stuff. And sometimes, he seems sort of lonely. I hear people call him a monster. I don't know why, but sometimes I want to stick up for him. It's just those eyes that make me wonder if maybe there is some good in him...**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: is there?**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I don't know. Because then he goes off and hurts me really badly. I don't know what to think, but I know that you're not like him.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I guess we will find out on the 24****th****.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Hehe, yeah. I guess we will. Are you looking forward to it?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Hn**

_**Winterfrost**_**: . That's not an answer.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I suppose.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Good. Though, I warn and remind you, I'm not some gorgeous blonde with big boobs or anything like that.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I am sure you are fine. You're a model after all.  
><strong>

_**Winterfrost**_**: Meh. I have weird white hair. Lol.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: We will see friday.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Yep! Looking forward to it! Now I need to get some sleep. Later Sand!**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Goodnight**

_**Winterfrost**_** Is offline.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: …**

* * *

><p>Wednesday was a fun day actually. We got reading to do the shoot for the perfume and I met the male model who I was performing with. He was… Gorgeous? He had this straight, shinny brown hair that made you want to reach out and feel it. His face was like an angels, with almond shaped yellow eyes. His robe was blue and he had a very feminine yet handsome, his toned chest could be seen through the top of the robe. He looked no older than 19 or 20.<p>

"Hello. I'm Zena Ukitake." I greeted.

He looked at me and nodded his head politely but nothing more. "Utakata."

It took a minute to register. Utakata? One of the demons. The demons were the top models of the day. There were not many of them though. Utakata was dubbed the slug demon, because nobody could get anything on him.

"Ah! The models are here. Perfect! Perfect!" The photographer gushed. We were in the same room as before only there were several more people. The photographer walked over to the camera. "OK, you two stand in front of the black screen where the tape is. Now drop the robes."

I was wearing a white robe with black underwear under it, no bra. My makeup was dark like it had been the day of the first shot, only hues of silver and brown were incorporated into it and the lips were much darker. Utakata seemed used to this; he dropped his robe leaving him in nothing but black boxers. Following suit, I dropped my robe and stood beside him, arms crossed to give me some coverage.

"Ok, I want Utakata to get behind Zena. Like that," The photographer began to direct. "Ok, now wrap one arm over her breasts, covering them."

I tried my best to remember that this was just an art, that it was me and the camera. As he came behind me, I closed my eyes and took a breath to relax.

"That's it. Relax, lean into each other. Now Zena, turn your head to the side. Good. Now this theme is secret love. A guilty love. Envision yourselves in an affair. You know it's wrong but you don't care. Move your head a little more to the left Zena. Yes good."

I tried to imagine that. Imagine me and Madara if I had a boyfriend. The photographer began snapping pictures. I opened my mouth slightly and narrowed my eyes, looking at the camera. Utakata wrapped his other arm around me and put it on my face, as if turning it towards him. I put an arm backwards around his neck. He buried his face into my neck, making it so that half of his face was hidden from the camera.

"Excellent… good chemistry. Now both you look at the camera, embrace in a hug. I want you two to be glaring at the camera as if saying 'I know it's wrong but I don't care."

Now more relaxed and confidant, I moved around and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held onto my lower back, pulling me against his body. We took a few shots like that and the switched again.

The next few shots passed smoothly. In one he was behind me again, covering me. In another I was behind him, as if whispering in his ear. Next I had to have my lips on his ear, biting it playfully. In another our mouths were close to touching. It was all very sensual, and yet I found myself getting into it with few corrections. Utakata didn't have a single correction to any of his stances. HE was perfect and a professional. I now understood hat it meant to be a demon, it really was the best of the best.

Once we were done we both donned the robes, thanked the photographer and makeup artists for their work, and headed out to the loby. I let out a loud sigh as soon as the door shut.

Utakata turned to leave but before he did I turned to him and bowed. "Thank you for the hard work."

He didn't say anything but his expression held slight amusement. He gave a short bow and then spun around to leave. He was a mysterious figure that was for sure. I watched him walk towards the changing rooms and Tobirama came up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You did good. Your next job will be the day after Christmas. I don't want to introduce you to the public as someone who is only able to do serious and sexy themes. I want to see how you do in a sweeter style, then a mature light one, then a grunge. Being able to do any genre is the mark of a true model. If you can, then you will be my main focus, if not it doesn't mean you are bad, but you won't be my only model."

"I'll do it." I said confidently. I was still on high after the shoot.

Tobirama grinned. "That's what I want to hear. Now it's almost four, you should get home early."

I nodded. "Thanks Mr. Senju. Is Zakari still with Itachi?"

"Should be." He nodded.

"OK! See you Saturday!" I waved gleefully, and then left. I was excited to do more shoots, I loved the feeling of it. I always wanted to be a processing engineer, and still do but… Modeling part time through it wouldn't be too bad. Currently, I had more important things to think about than my future job… like the one waiting for me with Itachi.


	11. Rhodonite

I didn't have anything planned Thursday, so I relaxed with Zakari all day. We walked to the park, then went out to eat with a credit card that Itachi had said was for the 'allowances' that we models got instead of actual cash. It was at a small breakfast place, IHOP. The food was delicious despite the fact that all I could eat was a small fruit bowl. Other than that the day was uneventful.

Around nine I finished bathing, and signed onto messenger.

**Winterfrost had signed in**

**Sandcoffin is online.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Hey sand. **

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Hi**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I was wondering, so we plan to meet at the fountains tomorrow night right?**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yes.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Ok, well we need to figure out what were wearing and such so we can pick each other out.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I have red hair and green eyes.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: I have white hair and green eyes! I'll be wearing a long black shaggy fur coat over a casual black dress and white boots with white knee high socks and a white and grey earmuffs. I will also be wearing a white scarf and my hair will be down.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I will be wearing a dark red coat with a grey scarf and dark brown khaki pants.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Great! It will be hard to miss each other. I think. Ha-ha.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Yes. I need to go now.**

_**Winterfrost**_**: Oh ok… See you tomorrow around eight at the Hokage's fountain.**

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Bye.**

I signed off the computer then, and tucked myself into bed along with Zakari. Even though I was a little put off by Sands abrupt conversation, I wouldn't let it get me down. I was excited for the next day. I had a long day to say the least.

I woke up around six in the morning and got Zakari and I ready. Naruto came over at eight to relieve me. I left Zakari in his care and went shopping. I had about five hundred dollars, and planned to make this the best Christmas Zakari and I would ever have.

The first stop was the shopping centers. I bought shiny Christmas wrapping paper, bows, and scissors and tape. I shopped for a good hour for presents for everyone.

I finally settled on a ring with a blue gem that matched Naruto's eyes for Naruto. It was a very manly ring, and it matched the necklace his grandmother had gotten him. $20

Madara was easy to shop for. I got him a necklace with a red gem and matching studded earrings and a pair of new red boxers. It only cost me 39 dollars.

For Itachi I bough a red ring that bore the kanji for Vermilion and a necklace with three metal circular rings on it. I don't know why, but something about it screamed Itachi. $34

Shikamaru was a little harder to shop for but I eventually settled for a pair of plain silver studded earrings and a book full of logic puzzles and another with Sudoku. I was sure that he would solve them all in less than an hour but it would provide momentary entertainment. $20

Zakari was where the majority of my money went. I bought him two new pairs of jeans, a white T-shirt, and a black T-shirt and a blue and green one. I also bought him a:

**Smithsonian Eco Dome Habitat with Triops**

**Illuminated Ant Gel Habitat.**

**Creative Activities Spark Art Dinosaurs.**

All together I was able to bargain and it cost me only 150 dollars. I was excited to say the least. All I had left now was getting a gift for Sand, and then buying groceries.

Picking out a gift for sand was harder than I thought. I didn't know much about what he liked. Then It popped out when I was walking buy. A silver dog tag that was engraved with the Kanji for love. It was $40 but the lady gift wrapped it and put it in a pretty little blue box. I held it close with a smile.

Lastly, on my way out a Yin-Yang mood ring caught my attention. I picked it up and realizing it was only 10 dollars decided I might as well buy it just in case I forgot anyone.

With my hands already extremely full, I had no idea how I managed to carry all the ingredients for food back to the house But after spending nearly 100 dollars just on food for the two of us, I had made my way back. I hid Naruto's gift deep in one bag, and I had Zakari and him stay in the main room while I wrapped all of the gifts. Naruto tried to peek once but I hit him in the head with a pair of high heels and that stopped him for a while. It was less than 400 dollars but still more money than I had spent in a long time, if not ever.

When I was done I placed all of the presents neatly in a corner of the room. Naruto busted in wanting to open it but I adamantly refused. Not until Christmas. He would have to wait. I smiled to myself as he threw a small fit but held fast.

It was six and I needed to get ready so that I could be at the fountain by eight. I dressed in the promised outfit. I did my makeup like the makeup artists did for my shoots, in hues of silver and black. My lips in a brownish red, then brushed my hair out to fall loosely around my face. I wasn't satisfied with my appearance, but it would have to do. I picked up a green shoulder bag with Sand's present and 50 dollars in it. Saying i was nervous would be an understatement.

At 7:30 I walked to the Hokage's fountain. I was five minutes early. There were quite a few people their despite the fact that the snow was falling lightly and the ground was covered in said snow. The fountain's lights were lit up and Christmas lights decorated the businesses all around it. It was breathtaking.

I stood their awkwardly, looking through the crowd for a man who fits Sand's description. There were others there waiting for their dates or friends. One by one they found that person and I watched them take off. As soon as they left though, more people would come. It seemed like forever and I checked my watch. 8:20.

I sighed, and just as I thought I was being set up and had turned around to leave, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I smiled brightly and turned around, expecting to see sand.

I nearly dropped my present. Instead of sand, Gaara was there. I tensed. "Gaara." I greeted. "D-do you need something?"

A million things ran through my mind. How did he know I was here? Did he just see me and want to torment me? Was he waiting for someone?

"Zena…" He said, looking at me intensely. I looked down.

"Um, I'm kind of waiting for someone…" I tried to tell him off without being rude. He wouldn't seriously try to hurt me the day before Christmas right? He wasn't that cruel… right? I wasn't sure.

"I know." He said. He looked at my outfit and my hair, then back in my eyes.

"How do you know?" I tensed up more. Was he stalking me now?

"You're waiting for sand." He said after a moment's pause.

"How did you… Have you been stalking me?" I accused in shock. Was he watching my internet conversation! He was rich, maybe he hired someone to hack into my computer. I heard he had a large sum of money, but that was too far.

"Look at me." Gaara said. I was confused again, but I looked at him. His eyes held none of their usual bloodlust but something else. I really looked at him. At his red hair; his green eyes, his long red jacket and green scarf. His…

His reddish brown khaki pants…

I gasped. NO! That couldn't be it… "Sand…" I whispered. "Gaara of the sand…" I looked back into his eyes, openly displaying my shock.

He nodded his head. "Winterfrost."

My hand flung to my lips. I shook my head and took a step back out of his grasp on my shoulder. This was too much. "No… he… sand wasn't… you can't be." I felt tears well up in my eyes. I forced them back down.

"Yes. I am. I'm also the 'good looking and smart asshole'" He took a step towards me.

"Sand… you… I thought he was… you were toying with me this whole time? This was all part of your plan?" I accused. I was taken aback. Sand, the boy I thought I loved, that had pulled me through so much abuse… he had been Gaara. He had been the one causing me the pain. Now it made so much sense. The way he acted when I said Zakari's name, the way he wanted to know so much about shukaku and why he was interested in Gaara.

"I wasn't toying with you." He glared.

"You…" I started before just shaking my head and giving up. I turned around and without a word ran in the opposite direction to the park. I had just entered it when a hand shot out and grabbed my arm. I yelped and was spun around to face Gaara. He had a glare on his face. It was then that I noticed that we were alone.

"Just let me go Gaara. It's Christmas Eve. Please…" I pleaded, trying to pull out of his grasp on my wrist.

"You promised to spend it with me." He said.

I widened my eyes before narrowing them. "I promised to spend it with sand!"

"I am sand!" He insisted, clutching my wrist neither hard enough to hurt, nor soft enough for me to break out of.

"No you're not! Sand was kind to me, whereas you only want to hurt me. He gives me advice and makes me laugh whereas you put my down and try to make me cry. Sand! Who is a just little perverted, not you who tried to rape me in front of my son! Sand who saved my life when it became too much to handle the torment I got from you! Who I was starting to love even though I didn't even know what he looked like! You're not sand… no… sand never existed…" I sighed, hanging my head and ceasing my struggling to get out of his grasp.

"It was too good to be true. Congratulations Gaara. There is little you could have done to hurt me more. You gave me a friend, someone I could count on and was starting to develop strong feelings for. Then you took him away."

"Zena!" Gaara growled. "I. Am. Sand. I showed you who I was online. I didn't know it was you until a little while ago."

"Just stop it Gaara. You win OK? I give up. Do what you want with me. Kill me, abuse me, break me. If it makes you happy, if it will make you leave me alone, then do whatever you want." I said in a monotone voice. I was done, defeated. The one person I felt I could trust with my life turned out to be a liar. I just wanted it all to end already.

"Then spend Christmas Eve with me like you promised." He said, letting go of my arm and turning around.

I hesitated. What did that mean? Was it a trick?

"I'm not trying to trick you. Just spend tonight with me." He said as if he read my mind.

"Why should I?" I looked to the side.

"I'll leave you alone after tonight if you do. It will be like you never knew me."

I widened my eyes at the promise. Would he really? Would I… be freed from the torture? No more broken bones, sprained wrists, cuts or bruises? No more tears? He was probably lying but… if he kept his word then… if there was just a small chance, I would take it.

"And you won't kill me tonight?" I had to make sure.

He smirked. "No. I won't kill you."

"OK then… if you keep your promise." I didn't know what I was getting into and that scared me. I would take a chance.

If only for tonight…


	12. Larimar

"_Ok then… if you keep your promise." I didn't know what I was getting into and that scared me. I would take a chance._

_If only for tonight…_

Gaara grabbed my wrist before I could react and started pulling me towards this one really tall building. He said nothing, just continued to drag me into the building and up a very long flight of stairs. We got to an empty corridor and he opened up a door. It led up another taxing flight of stairs. At the end was yet another door. When we went through this one though, we were outside on the roof of the tall building. I gasped.

Konoha was beneath us, lit in all its glory and the stars were above us. Snow was all around. Once I got over the initial aww though, I was slightly intimidated. Was he going to push me off the building?

"This's where I like to go almost every night to get away from people. Sometimes I take my laptop. it's usually where I am when I talk to you." Gaara spoke next to me. He had let go of my hand and was gazing at the sight as well. I tried to imagine sand being up here and typing away while I was in the dirty apartment. Worlds apart.

"It's beautiful…" I breathed.

He reached into the backpack on his shoulders that I had been too afraid to notice until then, and pulled out a blanket. He laid it on the ground right beneath a ledge around the door, it shielded us from the snow and the ground was dry. He sat down and patted the place next to him. I hesitantly walked over and sat beside him as far away as I could manage.

We both leaned against the door. No one broke the silence. Me because I was still trying to relax and convince myself that he wasn't going to turn into some sort of monster, and Gaara because… well I didn't know why.

Several minutes passed and it was around eight fifty before Gaara even moved. "What happened to your mom?"

I looked over at him. He seemed to actually care. It wasn't like I had anything to lose. I had come to closure with all of my past. Besides, If Gaara wanted to hurt me he could do so easily right now with nobody around. "She was always on the sidelines. She never said much, she was afraid of my father."

"What kind of man was your father?"

"He was… a businessman. He put on a really good front. Which is why nobody would ever believe me when I was younger and…" I trailed off, leaving him to fill in the blanks. Coming to closure with something did not necessarily mean that you always felt comfortable talking about it.

"How long was he abusing you for?"

"Well… since I was little I guess. When I was six and made my first friend. Ironically… his name was Gaara. He was special to me but my father told me I had to be alone. So I cut ties with him. That was when it all started. He got oddly possessive and eventually I just stopped making friends. He didn't touch me THAT way until I turned twelve though." I confessed, not sure why though. I mean, this was the same man who wanted to destroy me. I was just feeding him material.

Gaara seemed to be peering into my soul; he didn't react at all when I mentioned another boy by the name of Gaara. Most likely because he already knew, I must have mentioned it to sand before and forgotten. "How did you finally get free?"

"Well, one night when I was 15… he was especially bad. And so I ran out of the house. This couple and their son were staying in a neighboring house. The only thing about them I remember is their son looked to be my age and had long black hair and eyes. I wish I could remember them so I could thank them but.. no luck. I stumbled up to them and they called the police and who found my stepfathers DNA. It was all the proof they needed. My father pleaded guilty. My mother got in trouble for just standing by and watching it happen. My little brother was going to be sent into foster care. I couldn't let that happen. I turned sixteen, filed for custody, and spent every penny I had been saving up. Zakari was two when I finally got him. Then I moved, change my name, started fresh. I went to school and had everything I wanted as far as a normal life went. Sure, it was hard. I couldn't eat what I wanted to, I had to work myself to exhaustion just to feed Zakari; I didn't have more than a single pair of pants and three shirts….

"But I was happy. I finally fit in. At school I even made a lot of friends despite my grunge appearance. For the first time in my life I didn't live in fear of anything. It was Zakari and me against the world, and that was all that mattered."

"But that changed." Gaara finished for me. "When we targeted you."

I solemnly nodded. It hurt to talk about it. It hurt to remember… it scared me to think about the future of it.

"You lasted a long time." I thought I heard a bit of sorrow in his tone

"Huh?" I shot him a questioning glance.

"Most people don't last as long as you did. You didn't break, nor did you die. It was because you had Zakari wasn't it?"

"Yes and no. I had sand too… he pulled me through a lot…" I admitted, still not willing to talk about sand like he was Gaara.

"Ironic. The one who was crushing you and the one who was pushing you back up being the same."

I nodded again, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Gaara respected that by saying no more and letting what we both know hang between us.

"What is it like?" He asked after another moment of silence.

"Hmm?"

"What's it like to have someone you care about? How does it feel? How do you know when you care about someone?"

I was taken aback by the question. Did he not know? What kind of life had he led to bring him to this point? I felt a tinge of pity for him. "It's hard to explain. I suppose… when you care about someone it could feel differently depending on the time."

"What do you mean?"

"Caring about someone is wanting what's best for him. Its… not wanting to see them sad. I care about Zakari, so when he gets a skinned knee I don't feel good. At the same time when he smiles I want to smile. Caring about someone is similar to loving someone and usually is part of it. I love Zakari and I care about him. If someone talked badly about him, I would be mad. Hell, the reason I am still here is because I cannot stand to see him cry."

Gaara seemed to let the words sink in, offering no response as he stared out towards the city. We sat in silence for a little longer before Gaara moved towards his backpack. He pulled something out of his jacket. A little box. He handed it to me. "Merry Christmas."

I took the small white box in my hand in stunned silence. I looked at him as if to make sure that this was for me. He nodded his head and timidly I opened it. Inside was a small pendant with a blue gem that brought a small intake of breath from my mouth. I inspected it closely.

"It's a Larimar" Gaara told me.

I smiled softly at that. "You know what the Larimar means? It is a gem that's supposed to bring out inner truth. It is supposed to be able to open the hearts of two people to one another and promote confidence. It is a love stone but also a healing stone. In essence t speaks of love between an unlikely pair. It's one of my favorites actually." I was pretty sure he didn't know that, he never could have gotten it for me if he had. His silence on the matter assured me. Still with a small smile I reached up and put it around my neck and tucked it into my dress.

"Thank you…" I said. I reached into my own bag. "I got something for Sand actually… here…" I held out the box. He seemed more surprised than I was, but took it nonetheless and opened it up. He looked at the dog tag inside with his nonexistent eyebrows raised.

"Love…" He spoke.

"Yeah… Ironic with your tattoo and all..." I shifted nervously. He looked at it for a moment longer before he held it out to me.

At first I thought he was rejecting it, so I took it. I didn't know why it upset me. If sand rejected it I could understand it breaking my heart, but not Gaara. I don't care what the coldhearted bastard thinks…

"Put it on me." He ordered.

I was taken aback by what he said, but even more taken aback by my reaction. I felt relieved and obeyed with shaky hands. I unclasped it and moved so that I was in front of him. I reached my arms around his neck, struggling with the clamp. I was so nervous that I couldn't get the small thing to hook. I moved my head closer to his to try and see around. I felt a heat in my cheeks and wasn't sure why. Fear right?

I leaned a little closer to him, over his shoulder so I could see the necklace better. His breath was on my neck, sending pleasant shivers through me. It took me a while, but my hands finally were able to secure it around his neck. As I started to move away, Gaara's arms wrapped around my waist and the other on my back, pulling me against him in a type of tight hug.

I felt my heart beat sporadically. Why was the man who wanted to kill me, suddenly saving me from rapists and then giving me a Christmas present? Why did his body feel so warm and comforting? Why was my heart beating for anyone other than sand? Why was it beating so fast I was sure that he heard it as a steady hum?

I knew it was partly because Gaara was sand. But that wasn't all... there was something else.

"Gaara?" I mumbled.

He reached his hand on my back over chin up, looking at me. His eyes... they seemed so familiar, and sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't know what it was I was seeing in them, but it was a different emotion than I knew. It looked like sadness, determination, anger, and every other emotion one could have. Well, almost all. I didn't see any bloodlust.

His eyes moved from mine, to my mouth and back. I swallowed nervously as he moved his head down slowly. I knew what was coming; I knew that logically I should turn away. It made no sense to kiss this man. The one who had tried so many times to kill me…

But I didn't fight it. He closed his eyes and his lips pressed gently against mine as if testing. A peck on the lips. They were rough, chapped. Yet it was good… sweet and tangy. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. I stared back, not sure of how I was supposed to react.

**~WARNING: … Smut~**

Gaara kissed my again, this time a little harder. Again, harder. Again, and he ran his tongue along my lip. I hesitantly opened it. His tongue went in and he searched my mouth timidly, as if he was unsure. I knew that he was a playboy, well, sand was at least. So then so was Gaara. They were the same person…

My eyes were shut tight and I pushed back against Gaara's tongue. He sucked on my tongue gently, and then scrapped it with his teeth. His hand that was once on my chin moved to my back, holding me firmly against him. The hand on my waist was rubbing my side gently. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss, laying me backwards slowly on the ground.

My mind was racing, and yet not really having any complete thoughts. He was pressed against me, our bodies melding together. His mouth slowly traveled from my mouth to my ear and then down to my neck. He sucked and nipped just hard enough to leave light marks, making me shiver. He smelt like cedar. "Gaara…" My lips groaned his name without my permission.

When I said his name he brought his chapped lips back to my mouth for a quick peck. It was intoxicating, every part of him. His taste, his smell, his touch. I thought I would lose my mind if her didn't stop right then. He returned his mouth to my neck. His hands ghosted under my dress and over my stomach, feeling every part of the skin. I let out a small moan. He sucked on my neck a little harder at this, and his hands wandered to the bottom of my bra. He traced around the bottom of it before slipping his hands beneath it.

I let out another low moan as he caressed one of my breasts. I was feeling warm down there from it all. He began lifting up my dress slowly until it was up to my stomach. His hand strayed to the outline of my underwear.

It was then, in a moment of clear thought, that I seemed to realize what was going on. What was I doing? "Gaara…"

"Hm?"

"S-stop…" I groaned as he rubbed my breast harder.

"Relax."

"Gaara stop." I said again, this time with a little more force.

"Why?" He breathed against my neck.

"I can't do this." I whispered.

He started to trail his hand beneath my underwear. "I want to do this."

"No you don't."

"Why not?" He sucked on my neck lower.

"Cause you only want to hurt me" I bit back.

"Why do you think that?" He stopped kissing my neck long enough to say. He reached his hand all the way inside of my underwear and cupped me.

"You never acted any… any other way." I gasped. He froze.

"What do you mean?" Gaara moved back just enough so that I could see his glare.

"All that you have ever done is hurt me. You've always told me how you want to kill me…" I murmured.

"So what?" Gaara spat, halting his touches. "Right now I want to do something else."

"Why? You have a million girls you could call. So why?" I looked away. I tried to get up, but even though Gaara was no longer touching me he was still lying on top of me.

"I don't want them." He growled, kissing my neck again.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. Just Shutup and relax."

My eyes went wide. Was he seriously…? Did he think I would let him do this? "No!"

"Fuck. Why?" He cursed, looking up at me.

"Get off of me Gaara. I promised to spend the night with you… not do this." I pushed against him.

"Why won't you?"

"I don't want to! I don't even know you." I bit my lip hard.

**~End of Smut~**

He stared at me for another long minute before he sighed through his nose and got off of me. I sat up and straightened my clothes out while he stared at me. I felt nervous beneath that gaze. "Gaara, I'm sorr-"

"Don't say sorry." Gaara commanded with amusement in his eyes that surprised me.

"W-why?"

"I'm sick of your apologies."

"sorry…" I looked down; just as soon my hand went to my mouth realizing what I said. "Sorr- Argh!"

A faint chuckle made me look back up. Gaara's chest was moving slightly with the quiet laughter as he stared at me.

"It's not that funny…" I glared back at the ground. I felt my face getting a little red with embarrassment. That was me. Always making a fool out of myself. He chucked harder and I looked away from him with a pout. I looked toward the city.

It seemed almost symbolic. The city seemed so calm, as if at that moment everything was ok. In a way, it reminded me of the eye before the storm, halcyon days. That scared me. Something in me was uneasy despite the scene, despite this night. For once, it wasn't Gaara.

I was so lost and consumed y my thoughts that I didn't notice Gaara reaching out for me until he had my chin in his hands and his lips on mine, catching me off guard. It wasn't like the other kiss. This one was hesitant, and spoke almost of fear. I didn't understand the emotion that lingered between us as we deepened the kiss.

I wasn't hesitant until his hand traveled to my back. I broke the kiss. "I'm not d-"

"I know. I'm not expecting you too. Just give me this much." He breathed against my lips, his eyes still closed and I now realized that the hand against my back was being used to pull me closer to him and nothing more.

I nodded and let him move me closer to him and onto his lap, straddling him. It was comforting, being held close like this, as if I was needed by someone for the first time. Don't get me wrong, being needed by Zakari was different, but being wanted like this by Gaara was something I realized I wanted. Even as he kissed me, I didn't feel desire in it, I felt comfort. I wondered if he could sense my fear, uneasiness, and desire.

I didn't really know anything about the man who was in front of me, kissing me. Was he sand, or was he Gaara? Which one was fake? Did I want to know the truth?

Gaara pulled me even closer and I let my mind go blank on all matters asides from the two of us against one another. It seemed to go on forever and I never wanted it to stop. It did though, but not by me. Gaara pulled away and looked at the city. Neither of us spoke for a minute, as if afraid that this piece, these feelings would break.

"It's getting late." He finally whispered. It was barely audible but it broke the spell. I spoke nothing, just got off of him and stood up to the side, adjusting my clothes.

Gaara put his blanket back in his backpack and then opened the door and we both moved out of it. I was stunned into silence as the reality sunk in.

Did that just happen? Did we just almost… and we did… and did I… like it? Gaara led me out to the street and it wasn't until then, along the deserted street in front of my house that it sank in.

"We just… I…" My mouth hung open and my eyes met Gaara's.

"You sound surprised." he mused, leading me up the stairs.

"I just… I never thought…"

"That you would willingly be touched by me." Gaara finished for me.

I shook my head. "Not that…"

"Then what?"

_That I would ever feel like that towards you… _I thought but couldn't say. Instead I blushed and looked away. "I don't know what tonight was about..."

"You think that I touched you so that I had more against you. Or in an attempt to get you attached to me so I could hurt you later."

I glared slightly. He needed to stop guessing what I was about to say. "Well, yes… Is that what you are going to do?"

He stopped in front of my door and looked me in the eyes. "Do you see me as that sort of person?"

I looked away, leaning against the wall. "Gaara… think about what you are asking. You, the one who has left me emotionally and physically injured every single day. Who has tried to kill me! Of course I think you will hurt me. It's all you've ever done."

He didn't do as much as blink, but emotion ran through his eyes. "You're wrong."

"When were you ever pleasant to me?"

"That's for you to figure out. But do you think that sand would hurt you?"

"Never." I answered assured.

He placed an arm on either side of me and brought his face closer to mine. "Who is the real me?"

I didn't know what to say. "Both?"

"How?" He mumbled, pressing against me slightly.

I swallowed hard, looking at his lips, and then remembering what we had done. "That day at the beach, you were Gaara. Cruel, uncaring Gaara. But when you saved me in the alley, and tonight, you were Sand. Gaara is the one who gives me bruises, Sand is the one who keeps those bruises from destroying me."

He said nothing and I blushed. I knew I had said something weird. Would he get mad and turn into Gaara now?

"Zena, we are the same people. You will learn that." Gaara insisted.

"What next?" I asked, looking down.

"I promised didn't I?" He sighed.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I'd leave you alone." His red hair covered his eyes.

"What if… what if I still want to be around sand?" I bit my bottom lip, as if trying to take back the words I had spoken.

"Zena…" Gaara breathed before he closed the small gap between our lips. I was consumed by the feeling of his lips on mine. It was so warm, comforting, just like earlier.

The door opened at that moment and Naruto stepped out. "Zena! You're ho-"

* * *

><p>~The heart and mine rarely agree, but when they do you are either being fooled, or doing something right. ~ELE<p> 


	13. Saphire

Naruto froze, drinking in the site of me against the wall with Gaara's lips on mine. His eyes widened before narrowing. He moved faster than I thought he ever could, and Gaara was pulled away from me and shoved up against the wall himself, Naruto holding onto him by his shirt.

"You fucking bastard! Trying to rape her on fucking Christmas Eve! Gaara I put up with you, I even liked you as a close friend! I thought you changed! But now I have absolutely no fucking respect for a bastard like you!" Naruto hissed. His other fist was shaking with a threat of punching Gaara.

"N-Naruto stop!" I pleaded, finally finding the strength to move and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Why should I? He's hurting you again. I told you Zena. As long as I'm around there won't be any more bruises, broken bones or mental breakdowns because of this guy! I'll beat it into him if that is what it takes." Naruto looked at me. I saw the sincerity in his eyes. At that moment, I had a feeling that just maybe, he could defeat Gaara with that determination.

"No, it's fine Naruto. He wasn't raping me. H-"

"I used her" Gaara smirked at Naruto. He then lowered his voice and looked away, refusing to meet either of our eyes. "I already got to her and let me tell you, she was delicious. You might want to have a go. I'll even hold her down for you."

I couldn't describe what I felt when I heard those words. I froze up, I hurt, I wanted to yell and cry and scream and yet I felt nothing at the same time. I let go of Naruto's arm. Naruto raised his other hand and punched Gaara in the jaw. It was a strong hit and Gaara was knocked to the side. As if the hit hadn't even made contact he stood up swiftly, a blank look on his face.

Naruto was trying his best not to attack any more, I could tell that by the shaking in his arms "H-how dare you! You're nothing but a monster again Gaara!" He put an arm around me.

My eyes were wide, I couldn't even say anything. I felt… weird. Gaara just looked at me and then shrugged. "Suit yourself Naruto. I'm done with her. This game's become boring."

With that I felt myself sinking to my knees. I let out a small shaky sob. Why? Why did it hurt for him to say that? He really was just doing that so he could use it against me later… He was a liar. He lied about raping me, he lied about not using it to hurt me. He was probably using sand to get to me too. He had planned all of this out… He lied to me…. Lies…

And I was done. I didn't even cry, I just stood there. Naruto wrapped his arms around me and pulled me inside. He took of my jacket and shoes and laid me besides the sleeping form of Zakari.

"Zena, I'm sorry… I wanted to protect you and I couldn't…" Naruto balled up his hands into fists.

I put a hand over one of them. He relaxed slightly. "It's fine Naruto. You should get back home." I tried to smile, but I was pretty sure I failed miserably. My face even was numb.

Naruto shook his head. "I'll see you the day after tomorrow. I'm so sorry Zena. I promise that it won't happen again. We'll protect you."

I felt bad, but instead of defending Gaara, I just nodded my head: wanting to be alone. I would tell him what really happened later and not to be mad with Gaara. Just not now….

Naruto left and I turned over in the bed, curling up to Zakari. I fell asleep staring at my laptop with an empty mind.

* * *

><p><em>Hands were all I felt, as if they were consuming my entire body. Reaching up and strangling me. Darkness and somewhere in that darkness a mumble about a Christmas present. Though I couldn't see anything I could feel the soft padding of a bed beneath me. A weight was pressed down on me and heavy breathing on my ear. I was pretty sure I heard my name mumbled, but the voice sounded distant. Like a far off memory. <em>

_The hands where everywhere and I felt suffocated from them. The whisper of my name and a Christmas present resonated again and again, growing closer. Eventually the darkness lifted just enough for me to see the shadow of a man over me and hear his voice. I knew that voice, and I knew those hands. I could never forget. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out. Not even a moan. Just empty air. I opened my mouth again and this time cruel laughter came out. It took me a minute to realize that I did not make that sound. That laughter belonged to someone else. Someone I knew too well .Someone who knew me and my body too well. Someone I thought I had erased all memory of.  
><em>

* * *

><p>I awoke with a start, panting heavily. It had been a long time since I had that dream, since I remembered the past with that man. I had tried so hard to forget... and I almost succeeded. Apparently not yet though. Not quite…<p>

However, I wasn't going to let neither stepfather nor Gaara ruin my Christmas with Zakari. I ignored the aching in my heart and got up early to start baking. I got the ham in the oven and then started on the pies: a pumpkin, a banana, and a chocolate. I started some mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes along with some fruit salad and some cranberry sauce. Even though I technically couldn't eat most any of it I would take great pleasure in cooking it for someone who could and would.

It was just starting to bake when Zakari opened the door and rubbed his eyes. The first sentence coming from his mouth was one that any little boy would say on Christmas day: "Can we open presents now?"

I smiled gently. He wasn't even fully awake yet. "Sure thing babe, just let me turn off the stove…"

I turned the dial and scooped the white haired cutie up in my arms. We went to the corner in my room. I let him open up all his presents, satisfied that he actually had more than one this year. I glowed as he loved each one and openly showed that affection. I was so glad he would no longer only have three toys. He especially loved the ant display. He thanked me with hugs and kisses.

"Now how about you enjoy those and I'll get you something for breakfast and finish cooking the food so it's all done by lunch?"

He nodded without paying much attention. I laughed lightly and walked back, popping a frozen waffle in the toaster. I didn't look at my computer but for a second. I was now determined. I wouldn't let Gaara get me down. Not today. Not with Zakari.

I wouldn't think of how he looked so sincere as he kissed me.

Of how much feeling I felt portrayed.

Of the smell of lemongrass

Of the sound of his voice, always so rough and coarse.

Of how he gave me that present with such a meaning.

I touched my neck, where the pendant still hung. It wasn't fair. Why me? Why did he have to hurt me? I wasn't one to feel self pity. But… I found myself biting my lip to hold back those negative emotions as I finished getting Zakari's breakfast. They calmed down enough to hide them as I walked back into the room and handed the food to him. I let him eat in the room since it was Christmas.

I turned on my computer and ignored MSN messenger prompting me to sign in. instead I connected to YouTube and listened to some Christmas carols. I looked at the photo on my dresser with Gaara, Kankuro and Temari. The three people I had loved the most but had to leave. I wished I could just see them again.

Or I would have, if it was there. I gasped, moving towards the dresser and looking all around. It was gone!

"Z-Zakari… have you seen the picture that was here?" I asked, turning around.

"No." He mumbled, obsessed with his presents. I ran a hand through my hair. It would turn up later right? Nobody could have tak-

NO! I remembered now. The note that I had picked up was right where the photo once was. Which meant that… they took it…

I bit my bottom lip, I was going to have to get it back, get it back from Gaara. Worrying about it now wouldn't solve anything… I would get it back. I had too. It was my only pleasant memory of my childhood, and that picture was my only reminder. Without it that time might as well have never existed.

I sighed and touched my neck. The pendent around my neck was the first present I had received since those three.

Well… the first positive present. I didn't want to think about the Christmas surprises that I received living with my parents…

Shaking my head, I chose to think of more pleasant things. Today was going to be a long day but a good one. Zakari was happy. So was I. That picture, I would get it back later. I would make sure of that.

* * *

><p>I had just finished the mashed potatoes and put the pies in the oven when there was a knock on the door.<p>

"Mommy door! Can I get it?" Zakari squealed, emerging from the room. I nodded, picked him up and placed him on my hip. I opened the door. I widened my eyes. Itachi, Shikamaru, and Naruto were standing there. But what shocked me was the fourth person. Sasuke.

"H-hey?" I asked.

They stared for a minute before seeming to snap out of it. "Zena! I'm sooo hungry! Please tell me you have appetizers!" Naruto shouted, helping himself inside. The rest of them followed. I unconsciously clutched Zakari closer when Sasuke walked past us.

"Mommy… he's the one who hurt you." Zakari pointed. "Make him go away! Mom! I don't want him h-!"

I quickly covered Zakari's mouth. "Zakari! Behave… go play in your room ok?"

"Fine…" He pouted getting down and retreating to the room. Itachi, Sasuke, and Shikamaru sat at the table while Naruto got into the chips and dip.

I watched them carefully. The three at the table were just staring at me. Finally I had enough and decided to ask something. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing." Itachi said. I sweatdropped.

"We're all here for different reasons." Shikamaru finally said, his hands behind his head and leaning back. "Me because my troublesome mother kicked me out until dinner. Naruto because he lives alone and it isn't time for him to have dinner over at Tsunade's."

"Sasuke and I are here because we live alone." Itachi cleared his throat.

I raised an eyebrow. "And?"

"Basically we don't have a place to eat at seeing how neither of us can cook."

"So you are mooching off of your model." I finished for him. "Wouldn't you rather hire a cook or get one... or ten of your fangirls to do it for you?"

He shrugged. "You make it sound like you don't want me here. As my girlfriend don't you think you owe it to me to cook me dinner?"

I blushed and glared slightly. "Oh drop it."

"What? Am I being rejected?" His face was still smooth, but the corner of his mouth turned up slightly.

"Tch yeah. Consider yourself dumped from our fake relationship." I laughed slightly, leaning against the counter.

"Wait!" Sasuke interrupted, cutting of Itachi's smirk and my laugh. "What do you mean fake?"

I looked at Itachi. He didn't know?

Itachi shrugged.

"They aren't dating Sasuke. They just said that to get you guys to leave the girl alone." Shikamaru sighed.

"What the hell? You know how mad you made Gaara? You probably made it ten times worse!" Sasuke raised his voice. I flinched at the sound of Gaara's name. Sasuke noticed and looked me over. "Or did he already…"

"Shutup Sasuke bastard!" Naruto glared, finally coming over.

"He did didn't he?" Sasuke looked at me, forcing me to look away.

"Sasuke…" Naruto warned.

"He already punished you huh? What did he do? Your still walking fine, you're alive. I don't even see any injuries on your body. So…"

"Sasuke." Naruto balled up his fists. I bit my lip hard, freezing up.

Sasuke stood and walked over to me. He reached out and brushed my hair away, looking at my neck. I quickly snapped my hand over my exposed neck. Sasuke smirked and moved closer to me again. I felt like crying with each word he spoke. "He raped you huh? Fucked you real good? He can be rough can't he? I bet you liked it though, when he raped you. I bet you were mo-"

He was cut off by a fist to his cheek, knocking him to the ground. My eyes widened a little. Instead of Naruto, Itachi had been the one who punched him. Itachi bent over and picked Sasuke up by his hair. He lifted him to his feet and punched him again, square in the jaw. I backed away.

"I warned you Sasuke. I told you to behave. Not only is she my friend, but she is one of our models. A favorite of Tobirama." Itachi growled his voice so dark it sent shivers down my spine.

"The bitch deserved it! She betrayed Ga-" Sasuke was cut off by another punch. He stayed quiet and Itachi let him go. He sank back into the chair.

Itachi whispered harshly to him. Knowing I wasn't supposed to listen, I opened up the freezer and got out some ice, filling up a Ziploc bag with some cubes and then wrapping a paper towel around it. Itachi was sitting back down next to Sasuke.

"He'll behave now." He reassured me as I set the ice bag down on the table. Naruto sunk down, pouting most likely because he didn't get to punch Sasuke. Shikamaru was quietly observing, his eyes on me most likely mulling over the situation in his superior mind.

Itachi stared at me for a minute longer. "But what he said… he's right isn't he."

I looked away. "No."

"Don't lie to us. Those marks on your neck and the way you flinched…"

I shook my head again.

"Zena… tell them." Naruto sighed.

Itachi's head snapped towards him. "Tell us what?"

"Last night around midnight I opened the door. Gaara had her pined against a wall kissing her. He told me that he…" Naruto didn't need to finish the sentence.

"I don't want to talk about this Naruto. I just want to have a nice Christmas…" I sighed and walked over to check on the ham.

"You want to just pretend that nothing happened? You were taken advantage of! You were taken advantage of and you act like its nothing!" Naruto fussed.

"Nothing happened! My god just listen to me! He didn't touch me! And even if he did hurt me, It's nothing I'm not used to." I glared back. I opened a can of cranberry sauce.

"What do you mean?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing."

"We have the right to know!" Naruto insisted.

I snapped. "Right? What gives any of you the right? If I remember correctly Naruto, you and Shikamaru stood aside while I was assaulted daily and it took you nearly a year to say anything! In fact, Wasn't it Shikamaru who found my apartment for them? And Itachi?"

I held up m hand. "It still doesn't bend right after you shattered the bones in it. As for Sasuke, I can't even list all that he's done to me, and all that he will do to me in the future. So what right do any of you have? You don't…"

I bit my tongue once I had calmed down. They were having different reactions. Naruto looked like he was going to cry. Shikamaru was looking away. Itachi had his eyes narrowed, looking at my hand. Sasuke had his arms crossed and was avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It wasn't fair of me. You three," I made special emphasis on which three I was talking about. It didn't escape their attention. "Have helped me so much already. I'm just stressed out…"

"No. You' have every right Zena. If I could take it back I would." Naruto closed his eyes and looked away.

I fidgeted nervously. "Sorry… Um… I am going to get the ham out. It's done now I think…"

"Mommy! I'm hungry!" Zakari complained, coming out of the bedroom at what i thought was the perfect time.

The room instantly relaxed. I bent down and kissed him on the forehead. "Yes, but you need to be patient OK? It will be done in half an hour. Maybe if you ask nicely you can get Naruto to feed you some chips? Not too many though, just two or three so it doesn't spoil your appetite." I looked up at Naruto who nodded.

Zakari grinned. "Uto!" He giggled.

I raised an eyebrow. Uto? I couldn't help but smile at Zakari's nickname for Naruto, and how the two looked just alike. I turned my attention back to the ham and set it on the counter over a hot pad. I set the cranberry sauce next to it, the mash potatoes, the sweet potatoes, some rolls and gravy, butter, jam, fruit salad and some green beans. I set a few plates and silver wear out on the kitchen counter next to it all. I started to cut the ham but soon realized that I never cut one before.

"Your doing it wrong." Itachi grunted. He took the knife and fork out of my hand and started to make thin vertical slices. I pouted but was secretly glad that he knew what he was doing.

"OK… well, help yourselves!" I offered. I got a plastic plate ready with food for Zakari and set it on his highchair.

"Ok babe. Food's ready for you." I picked him up and placed him in the chair. I gave him a glass of eggnog. We both loved it.

"Woah! Looks so good!" Naruto fussed, loading his plate up. I smiled softly as they all got food and sat down. I sat down on the floor next to Zakari's chair and Naruto's. I needed a living room… Maybe with my new job with Itachi I would soon be able to get a better place… maybe.

"It's good." Shikamaru mumbled.

I ate my own food, consisting of very little for my new job, in silence as the four guys conversed. They were also keeping Zakari entertained.

After we ate I placed the dishes in the sink and pulled out the pies. Those were devoured in much the same way. I left the rest of the food out to snack on though. I then remembered something.

I retreated to the bedroom and pulled out four boxes. I handed one to each of them. Sasuke seemed surprised when I gave him one. I had kept an extra gift just in case. In Sasuke's there was a yin-yang mood ring. Something I thought might work for him.

They mumbled a thanks and to my surprised all but Sasuke pulled out two small gifts. They gave one to me and one to Zakari. I raised an eyebrow. "Thanks?"

I sat back down and unwrapped the one from Itachi. I smirked at the irony. It was a small ring with the kanjil for love on it. It had three blue gems in the kanji. I decided that I didn't want to know what those gems were lest I get a heart attack. I slipped it on my index finger with a smile, observing it. "It's beautiful Itachi!"

"White gold with sapphires." He shrugged.

I nearly fell over. Naruto rolled his eyes. "You damn Uchiha's and showing off your money."

Itachi smirked. I looked at the ring with new respect but forced my eyes away from it long enough to open Shikamaru's. I was not surprised by what I saw. He got me a book on flowers and their meanings. I had never given away many hints that I liked flowers and their meanings. The hints that I had given were subtle. I was impressed. He was a genius in every way… "This Is perfect Shikamaru! How did you know I liked flowers?"

"You dropped a journal with flowers drawn on them. I remembered the meaning of some of them. They were connected to the story we were reading earlier that day in class." He shrugged.

I widened my eyes. Wow…

Naruto's gift was in a large blue bag. I pulled out an orange pillow with a fox on it. My face lit up.

"I noticed you only had one pillow." He rubbed the back of his head.

"It's perfect Naruto." I set all three gifts aside and looked at what Zakari had received. Itachi had gotten him a leap pad that was supposed to teach reading.

Shikamaru got him a shoji board for children. I sweat-dropped. What kid could play that? Maybe him but not a normal little boy like Zakari. I laughed quietly to myself.

Naruto had gotten him a stuffed fox. Zakari squealed at all the gifts. He hugged the fox to him. "Thank you Ita, Shika, Uto!"

"Zakari its Itachi, Shikamaru, and Naruto."I corrected.

"Tachi, Shikamu, Natu!" He corrected himself. I sighed in defeat while the boys laughed and only encouraged him.

Just then the doorbell rang. I raised an eyebrow not sure who it could be. I opened the door and looked over the visitor. "Madara?"

"Zena." He greeted. He had a small box in his hand. "Can I come in?"

I looked back nervously. "Um sure. I just have a few friends over."

He nodded and walked in. He scanned the boys over but froze when he saw Itachi and Sasuke. Itachi stood up abruptly. They stared at eachother.

"Uncle."

"Itachi. Sasuke."

"Who is this Zena?" Naruto asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Um, my landlord Madara." I said, feeling nervous as sparks flew between Itachi and Madara. I could tell they weren't on best terms. Eventually Madara broke the contact.

"Anyways. I just wanted to give you your present Zena." He purred, walking over to me. He placed a black and white bag in my hands and whispered into my ear quiet but loud enough that everyone could hear. "You might want to wait until you're alone to open it."

My cheeks went red. "T-thanks Madara. Um I got you a gift too…"

I gladly fled into my room and set the bag down. I pulled his giftbag out and emerged, hoping to give it to him so he would leave me alone and not embarrass me any more than he already had. I handed him the red bag. "Private…" I muttered so low nobody but he could hear.

He smirked, taking the bag and letting his hand brush mine as he did so. He disregarded my warning and pulled out the earrings and necklace. "You know my taste so well by now."

I looked away with red cheeks. He pulled out the last gift and a smile played upon Madara's lips. I felt the air stiffen as the four boys stared at the pair of red boxers. "Of course you know my size."

I bit my lower lip. "Yeah…" For lack of better words.

Madara put the stuff back in the bag. "I will see you later tonight Zena. Bye for now." He turned and left. I wanted to punch him. He was doing that just to embarrass me. To show his nephews and the other two who he belonged to.

"eww mommy! You got him underwear!" Zakari squealed. I flicked him on the forehead.

"Yep. Yeesh, this day has been way too eventful for my liking…" I mumbled the last part.

"What was the meaning of that? Why did you know his underwear sizes" Naruto asked, his face serious.

"Oh um. I do his laundry for some money that's why!" I waved my hands in front of my face. I knew none of them would believe me.

…Except for Naruto. "Ah! That makes sense. At first I thought it might have been something perverted!"

"hehe, yeah…" I avoided eye contact. I especially didn't want to look at Shikamaru and his calculating gaze.

"Um… who wants soda?" I asked trying to change the topic. It worked for Naruto at least.

The rest of the evening passed without incident. At five Shikamaru and Naruto left. I put Zakari to bed at nine. He was absolutely exhausted. I cleaned up while chatting with Itachi. Sasuke would add into the conversation but I still wasn't comfortable with him. How could I be?

At ten those two left. I watched them drive off and then sighed. My night wasn't over yet. I retreated to my room and opened Madara's present.

It was just what I had expected. A blue lace baby doll lingerie with matching underwear. A blue robe that went with it and covered absolutely nothing. I pouted my lips and went into the bathroom. I changed into it. I felt self conscious. the clothes barely fit. I slipped the robe over the underwear. It was short and if I so much as bent forward it would show way too much.

I stepped out into the cold and made my way up the stairs until I got to Madara's apartment. I knocked on the door. He opened it after a minute and let me inside, the warmth of the room greeted me.

Strong arms wrapped around me from behind and he kissed my neck. I tilted it. One of his hands worked up to my breast while the other trailed lower. Madara kissed a sensitive spot on my collar bone that made me bite my bottom lip and shiver. We had been doing this for so long that it really wasn't surprising how well he had every inch of me memorized. "Your growing more and more beautiful Zena"

I closed my eyes and allowed carnal instincts to take over me. "Merry Christmas…" I mumbled softly to myself.

* * *

><p>Misunderstandings are the only reason two people grow closer together ~ELE<p> 


	14. Rose Quartz

"A little to the left. Good! Now give me that smile! Remember, this perfume is called glow and is trying to appeal to mothers. Happy happy happy! Not too happy though. Yes! Just like that… yes… yes! Good!" The photographer gushed.

I was dressed in a grey sweater and blue jeans; my makeup was lighter than on my other shots. This shoot was on a bench with a white screen behind it. I leaned on my arms and smiled at the camera, trying to portray what mothers should feel. How I felt towards Zakari. A calm love, like everything in life is perfect.

After that shot for perfume, Tobiramu had scheduled me for a jean ad that was a grunge look. After that another shot for an editorial that Seventeen magazine was doing about Tobiramu and I, about his new 'prodigy'. They talked about hot Tobiramu was getting back in business.

After that was all done, Naruto picked up and took Zakari home while I went to the gym and worked out. Tobiramu drove me home exhausted at ten.

"You did good today, I'm proud of you." Tobiramu smiled. "I start that reality TV show on Tuesday so you will have to get through the shots that day on your own, but Itachi said he would be around to lend a hand."

"Reality TV show?" I quirked an eyebrow, I had vaguely heard of it but didn't remember.

"Model life. A group of ten girls are going to be competing and in the end one of them will get a deal with Uchiha modeling agency. To be honest, it's pretty fake. But I am going to be one of the judges, they think that it will bring publicity to the show and at the same time I can get my name even more out there, therefore bringing your popularity up with it. I am going to try and sneak you on one of these days for more fame" He pulled up in front of my apartment.

"Oh. Well, good luck? Thank you for the ride sir! I'll see you…"

"You have a few short shoots tomorrow morning but you should be done in time for the play. It's for Verve Pens. Remember that these pens sell for over $400 so make me look good. You'll be modeling with Utakata again. He likes you. Then afterwards you two are doing a simple coat ad, the theme is lovers in winter." Tobiramu smiled.

"Huh? For a pen!" I felt my eyes go wide before shaking my head and relaxing again. "Wait... did you say that Utakata likes me? He didn't even say a word to me, if anything he hates me…"

"No. He is one of the top male.. not he is the top male model in the company and one of the top in the country. He didn't receive the name six tailed demon for nothing. He got it because he is always able to slip under the radar. He has been on the cover of every magazine from Vogue to Seventeen to people, but nobody knows anything about him. The fact that he told you his name meant he likes you. Usually he refuses to work with the same person twice."

"Oh…" I muttered, feeling stupid for not having something better to say. Tobiramu patted my back.

"See you tomorrow morning."

I sighed and got out of the car, the cold wind blowing against my body. I was a little afraid for tomorrow…

* * *

><p>I was not happy to see Gaara. I never was, but this time I was dreading it more than usual. What sort of torment would he have in store for me? I wished that the shot with Utakata lasted longer.<p>

I got my wish. After a very sexual and kissy pen ad, our taxi got stuck in traffic and then the elevator in the building was broken, and they couldn't find the coat I was supposed to model in so we were late to a shoot by an hour. This was a fun, madly in love/teen love shoot that I enjoyed doing. It was weird going from a practically naked, implied sex shot with a guy, to an innocent love one. It was amazing how good Tobiramu was with publicity; already he was having me do so many shots and was able to hook me up. It was in large part because of who he was. The entertainment industry trusted him to produce models like the Mizukage.

The shoot was done 40 minutes before the play was to be started, so I didn't even have time to change out of the outfit I had modeled in., let alone undo my hair or wipe off my makeup. It was slightly embarrassing.

Tobiramu had to leave, so to my pleasant surprise Utakata stopped me as I was calling for a taxi. Naruto had already taken Zakari to the play to get good seats and wait for me.

"Come with me." He said, walking out the door.

Curiosity got the best of me and I put the phone down, chasing after him. He too was still in his makeup and winter coat outfit. His coat was grey with black buttons and black jeans. It went well with his hair, which had been styled back. He had on black boots.

My outfit was a black spandex type skinny jeans, black heels, and gray sweater jacket. The finishing touch was a black hat which I took off. My hair had been flipped out. I felt a little ridiculous as we stepped out of the agency.

"I borrowed one of the agency's cars. Get in." Utakata opened the passenger side door for me.

"o-oh! Thanks." I smiled at him, getting in. He shrugged it off and got in the other side.

"Where do you need to go so fast?" He asked.

"Konoha high school. I have a drama production that starts in… 30 minutes!" I gasped. We were never going to make it…

"Then ten minutes to drive there. You already have hair and makeup done better than anything they could have arranged." He nodded, starting the car.

"Ten minutes? It's at least a 20 minute drive." I shook my head.

"Not for me." He shrugged. I opened my mouth to argue again but it was clamped shut when he pressed the gas pedal.

Ok now I understood! Oh shit… Ima die before I get there. Does that mean I won't have to be around Gaara?

Luckily, or unluckily, I didn't die. He pulled and parked in front of the school. When I got out he was right there, he held out his hand. "C'mon. I'll vouch for you being late."

"Thanks." I muttered again, taking his hand and letting him pull me through the crowd, all of them staring at us. I saw a lot of my classmates widen their eyes. A few recognized Utakata I was sure. He ignored the looks and pulled me to the backstage door.

Together we entered the stage room. Kurenai, Gaara, sari (who was playing ann), another teacher who was playing the mom, and Itachi were all there.

"Zena! Where were you! This is inexcus-"

"She was at work with me." Utakata cut in.

Kurenai turned to look at him, really look at him. Her eyes widened. "You're not… are you…"

He said nothing to validate her claim, just pulled me forward. "Her makeup and hair are already done. Just get her changed and she should be ready. We have ten minutes don't we?"

She nodded, still staring at him. "C'mon Zena. Let's get you into the costume."

"Ok." I turned to leave, but smiled politely at Utakata before. "Thank you for taking care of me Utakata, see you at the company another time I hope."

"I think we have another shoot together next Wednesday." He turned to leave. I watched his retreating form with awe. He was just too cool!

I turned back to the others in the room. Itachi was smirking, Gaara wasn't looking at me, the teachers were both staring after Utakata, and sari was glaring daggers at me. Wow… what luck I had... not!

* * *

><p>A few minutes later I was changed into a more casual summer dress. My character started out as a street rat but slowly became more and more civilized over the course of six years. She was a plain girl.<p>

Ann was a business tycoon. Michael was a gangster. Robert was a rich business man, and his mother a cruel leader.

The first scene started and it was Calista (me) and Michael (Itachi.) I was telling Michael that I was sorry but I loved Robert (Gaara) more. I was telling him goodbye.

The next scene was with me and Robert's sister Ann. I was packing a bag, getting ready to leave. We fought, cried, and it was very dramatic. In the end I left with the suitcase, leaving no trail behind except for a letter for Ann to give to Robert.

It showed Ann and Robert fighting. Robert grabbed Ann's arm and the letter fell on the floor. He was trying to find me but I had erased all trails of my existence. The lights faded again and when they came back on he was looking over a newspaper. He and Ann talked about how my name had turned up in the newspaper. I had become the CEO of Keito corps.

The next scene consisted of Robert and Michael fighting over me. A few blows were exchanged. In the end Michael stormed off, yelling about how Robert didn't love me anymore because he had gone through with an arranged marriage. He yelled that it was Robert's fault I left.

The lights faded. When they came back on it was me and Ann. I had come back. It was six years after I had left. I was 26. Robert walked in while we were talking about each other. I asked how he was. This was the most intense scene.

He looked at me. His piercing green eyes perfect. They were full of hate and hurt. He was a convincing actor. "Why are you here?"

I looked shocked. My confident manor turned nervous. "I just… I figured I would come back and visit you guys once more..."

"You shouldn't have come back. We were better off without you."

"What are you saying? Robert look… I know you're mad and I'm sorry for leaving like that. But as you said it's best-"

"No! It wasn't best!"

"But you just said…"

He pointed a finger and stormed over to me. "You little... you little… You… ARGH!" He ruffled up his hair.

"Little what?"

"Why? Why did you come back?"

"I didn't mean to upset you by coming back Robert… I only wanted to see you and Ann again…"

"And do what? Huh? Let Ann get attached to you so you could leave her? She was so upset after you left! You know what you did to her? It took until last year for her to even be able to eat! She still can't sleep because nightmares of you plague her mind whenever she closes her eyes!" He moved closer while he talked I moved back and bumped against the bed. He stopped a few feet from me.

"Are you sure we are talking about Ann?"

"Calista why? I just want to know why… six years. Why did you leave? Why didn't you call?"

"Why's it matter?"

"You didn't even say goodbye! You betrayed me! You knew how to contact me!"

"I do not murder from looking afar now do I?"

"No! No more of that confusing talk you do! You know I am not that smart so it really, really confuses me. Just tell me flat out why! You idiot! You double digit IQ idiot! Why you left me behind and went off and lived your life! I asked myself every day: why did she do it? I considered everything from hunted by the mafia, to debt, or even falling through a damn hole!"

I looked dumbfounded. "hole?"

"Then it came to me. You obviously hated me! What I don't understand is why you didn't think you owed it to me to at least tell me! You trampled on my heart like it was nothing!"

"Me? Me hate you? You SINGLE digit IQ idiot! You're the one who hated me! You must have! You never came after me!"

"How could I? You never told me you were leaving!"

"You big liar! I left that letter for you! Didn't you get my letter? I gave it to Ann!

"Letter?"

"Yes! The one I left pleading, _begging_ you to chase after me!"

"I never got a letter… Calista…"

"No Robert. Forget it all. It's in the past. Let's not fight anymore. I came back so we could make amends and be friends."

"Forget it all? Calista I love you! How can I forget? You were my everything. You were my air!" He got closer to me and I looked away.

"I wasn't your air. I was only a breeze you mistook for air. And you know what?

"What!"

"A breeze, once its passed can never return to the same spot…"

"No don't talk like that. It can't end like this Calista! Three words. Three little word and it can all go back to how it was before!" He pulled me into a tight embrace. I tried not to stiffen.

"Robert, it's already ended. Our story is over so close the book. It's time to start a new chapter in your life." I pushed against him weekly. He didn't pull away.

"Please. Please don't do this to me." He placed his head on my shoulder. I tried my best not to stiffen but being so close to him… "Come back to me. It can be like before."

"You are married to Rebecca. Don't be unfair to her" I pushed him away. He let go and looked up.

"I don't love her though! I love you and only you! So marry me instead! Please!

"Even if I did still love you.. I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"If you read that letter you would have understood. There are forces that control us all. Are fates are set."

"Then I will change that fate!"

Now… at this point in the play he was supposed to turn my head to the side and pretend to kiss me harshly. It didn't work out how expected though. Instead of turning my head he kissed me right there. Not a fake kiss, a real one. He inserted his tongue and everything. I had to remember the rest of the play and pushed him away.

"S-stop it Robert! I'm not here to stay. In fact, my jet leaves in less than an hour. I just wanted to see you again." I moved away, still trying to catch my breath.

"Fine." He growled. "Be that way. Leave me again like you did before. You never should have come back." He glared, his hate seemed so real, like he meant every word of that sentence. Acting that went beyond. A minute pass and he sighs, seeming to realize he snapped again. "No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"I wish you all the luck in the world Robert. I hope that you and Rebecca can learn to love each other. I have one request. Will you honor it?"

"Anything."

"Be happy Robert. Consider it my dying request. Just be happy."

"What?"

"No questions. Just promise."

"I promise… but in return you have to promise me something."

"Anything."

"Keep your smile" He tried to smile.

"For as long as I live and even afterwards. I will. I need to go now. Thank you. I think that being here with you and Ann… that was the proof of my existence I needed.

"What?"

"One day you might understand…"

"I doubt it…" He sits down on a bed in the middle off the room. "Take care of yourself…"

I walked to the door and opened it. I stopped before I shut it. "I'll always love you…"

The lights faded. Behind the stage I got ready to read my letter. The next scene was the last. Three years later Robert was cleaning up the room. He and Ann were talking about my death. Ann left and Robert picked up a letter, the same one I had dropped 9 years prior.

I read from offstage.

"Dear Robert,

I will try and make this short, sweet, and painless. I don't see what it matters though. You will probably never get this. I don't plan on giving it to you at least.

The first thing you should know, And I know I never told you… but god I love you. I love you so much. I love you but I am leaving this is for the both of us. I have realized I need to return to my own world.

I owe you the truth though. I will blame this on the social status, the press, your mother.. but I owe you the truth. I am not going to be around much longer. 10 years is what the doctor gave me. It's kind of sad but I won't live past 2. I won't go into details.. but I have accepted this fate and have always known about it. I just want you to know that I have experienced more love in the past four years with you than most ever experience. I guess you can call it the love of a lifetime. It would be so greedy to ask for more…

You know. I used to think it was all a dream and feared I would wake up from it all. Bu ironically, the thing that reminded me it was a dream was the pain. If it was a dream, It never would have been so painful. So thank you for the pain, for the tears, for the happiness, for the laughter and for the love.

When I am gone, I want you to be happy Robert. That is all I ever wanted. To see your smiling face. Promise me you will be happy.

My plane leaved at 11Pm gate B4. I am going to Suna. I was offered a secretary position there with Keito korps. Perhaps that was what I was searching for all this time. Perhaps the reason I could never stay still was because I was searching for something to prove that I was alive. Prove my existence to this world. That all of this… me and you… really happened. I think that Keito corps may give me that opportunity.

Well, tell Ann I love her and am sorry for not telling her. I can hear her coming now so I have to go….

Goodbye Robert.

…

If you love me, if even an ounce of what I feel for you is returned….

Stop me.

Please Robert!

…Stop me…"

On the stage Robert clutches the letter and puts his head down. The lights dim and go out. The play ends there. The audience clapped. We went on stage to take a bow. I saw a few people wiping away tears.

* * *

><p>Based after a play I wrote myself an directed for my drama class's production.<p>

Nothing is so black as regret. Regret leads to anger which leads to madness which leads to the soul rotting and becoming no good. It always starts with regret... ~ELE


	15. Andalusite

After it was all over, I went to the bathroom to get dressed back into the clothes I arrived in, also for a little privacy. Tobiramu said I could keep them. Not that I would ever wear something so flashy in public, but the shoes and coat and pants with a mellower combination rather than themselves might work.

There were no other girls in the bathroom so I swiftly undressed. The dress fell to the floor around my feet.

The door opened and two of the other cast members stepped in. The girl who played Ann named Matsuri, and one of the techies named Sari. I didn't know much about them other than that they both had crushes on Gaara.

"Oh look who it is. The anorexic freak." Sari laughed nudging me aside.

I looked down with a raised eyebrow and a frown. Was I really that thin? Tobiramu said I was perfect for a model. I trusted his opinion more than these girls, so it didn't really matter.

"Come on Sari. Let's just ignore her…" Matsuri pleaded, turning to wipe the makeup of her own face.

"But Matsuri! She is all over Gaara all the time. She thinks that just because she managed to bag Itachi Uchiha, and she becomes a model, she can get any guy. She's delusional." Sari glared, stepping closer to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about. If you want Gaara, you can have the bastard." I rolled my eyes, getting my jeans out of my bag. I slipped them on over my underwear, though it didn't escape my attention that the underwear was a little baggy on me.

"How dare you talk about him like that? You ungrateful bitch! Gaara is amazing and you think that playing hard to get will make him love you huh!" She spat.

This girl was obviously deluded. It made me mad. How were they so oblivious "You know what?"

"What?" Sari asked.

"You want him so bad? You can take my place. You want to go home with broken ribs," I jabbed at one of my own ribs that was still healing, "Live with bruises and cuts on areas that are just out of your reach? You want to think about death every moment of every day? Go ahead. Be my guest and take my place. You can be his new doll!" I cried out, shoving my shirt on and pushing the door open. I thought I saw a flash of red to my left but ignored it as I stomped down the hall. I was so sick of it all…

Luckily I had another week until school started. A week to heal before the torture started up again. I was getting ready to move to one of the designated apartments anyways.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, between modeling and working out and runway lessons from eight in the morning to ten at night, taking care of Zakari, and putting up with Naruto and Madara... the week passed by quickly. It was soon the third, school was starting again and the next day I was to move to the new apartment.<p>

Madara seemed upset about me moving, probably because he was loosing his toy, but after a really rough night of me 'making it up to him' he accepted it.

Monday came. I was nervous. Gaara had probably told the Shukaku about what all we had done and the members of Shukaku had probably told everyone in the school. Another thing to be branded with.

Dressed in the grey sweater jacket from the shoot, blue skinny jeans, and black flats, my hair in a side braid, I walked into first period. The room grew quiet. I held my breath and sat down in my seat. People stared and whispered. The suspense was too much. Were they talking about what Gaara and I did? I bit my lower lip hard.

"Zena." Itachi was next to me before I noticed. I looked up at the handsome man. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt and jeans. It made me smile to see that he was also wearing the necklace and ring I gave him.

"Itachi." I smiled politely, but was unsure if he wanted to talk to me in public like this. The whole class was staring adamantly.

"Look at these." He put three magazines on my desk; each of them had a page dog-eared.

"What is this?" I asked, taking them.

"Just look."

The first one was a seventeen magazine. I widened my eyes. It was the January issue and it had a picture of me and Utakata modeling for the coats, one with me and him getting into the taxi, and one with us modeling for the pen. Beneath it was titled: Zena Ukitake and the six tailed demon! Can she catch the slippery slug?

"This is…" I trailed off, reading more. It was an editorial about Utakata and me. They were talking about how I was the first model seen in so many shots with him. A lot of it was speculation about dating. I had to laugh lightly at that. "Really? They think I'm dating him?"

"It's so rare they get anything on him, there jumping at this chance. Watch yourself." Itachi warned, serious looking.

I took heed of his warning and finished the article. The next magazine was the same one I modeled for in my test shot. It was another editorial titled: The next Mizukage? I blushed at this. It was talking about the possibility of me being the next big thing under the care of Tobiramu. Most of it was actually about Tobiramu and his work with those with "unnatural natural beauty" It had the shot of me with black underwear and the thick black shag coat. I blushed deeper, seeing the way half of my breast hung out of the right side. I looked… very sexual.

The last magazine was Fashionsing magazine; this was where the photo shoot with Utakata in the coats came in handy. We looked in a comfortable love. I smiled at the picture "Wow... Tobiramu is good for getting me all these jobs." I handed the magazines back to Itachi.

"Keep them. And yes, he is the best in the company. Right now you are his main focus. Even though he will be doing the reality TV show, he's booked you for all of this week and next. He is always on top of things."

"Wow…"

"But it's also thanks to your own talent. You have something here that's for sure. Something that we haven't seen since Utakata." He shrugged.

"Itachi! Why are you sitting over there? I have a free spot right here!" The singsong voice of a girl named Taylor rang out, interrupting us. She was one of those girls that you would want to be. The epitome of perfection. The teachers loved her because she was a class rep and the students loved her because she was beautiful and nice to just about everyone.

I held my breath, waiting for him to move. He managed to surprise me once more as he stayed where he was. "I prefer this spot."

Taylor huffed. "But Itachi… you do realize who you are sitting by right?"

"Yes. Do you?" He held up the magazines. She looked confused. At this point Sakura and Hinata and Ino all ran in. Well… more like Sakura and Ino ran in, dragging Hinata behind them.

"Zena! Look at this! " Ino yelled, holding up the magazine. The whole class went quiet, observing.

I tilted my head. They were holding up the same three magazines I had on my desk.

"Is this really you?" Sakura exclaimed, pointing to the picture with Utakata and me nearly kissing in the shoot for the pen.

"It is." Itachi answered for me.

"Wow! You look so pretty! Is Tobiramu really your manager? How did you meet Utakata so fast? Are you two dating? D-"The girls assaults were halted by two figures walking in. I held my breath.

Gaara and Jiraiya. The class soon began and I avoided looking at Gaara.

"Zena!" A yell interrupted me combined with Itachi nudging me. My head shot up.

"YES?" I yelled a little too loudly.

"Pay attention please."

Some of the girls giggled. I sighed and looked back down at the paper in front of me, determined to focus for the rest of the day, which passed by uneventfully. The members of Shukaku didn't even look my way. I didn't understand what that meant.

* * *

><p>After school Itachi offered to take me and Zakari to the studio. He said that they had booked me for a last minute shoot with Utakata that started at 5. I respectfully declined. I needed to get the photo back from Gaara. I was afraid, I would admit, but I could barely bring myself to confront him. If it wasn't such a precious possession…<p>

Itachi took off and promised to take Zakari for me and get there early.

I waited in front of the school for Gaara. Eventually the echo of footsteps closed in. I turned my head. It was just Gaara, Pein, and Sasuke. They saw me of course, and stopped in front of me.

"What do you want" Sasuke glared.

"My picture…" I mumbled. "I want it back."

"Speak up." Gaara commanded.

"I want my picture back. The one you took of me and my friends." My voice was a little louder. There was nobody around now. As usual everyone had fled when they saw us together.

"Your picture?" Gaara raised an eyebrow.

Anger flashed through my eyes. "You know what I'm talking about. I want it back. Now."

"Is that any way to ask for something?" Sasuke stepped closer to me, smirking. I backed away into the wall.

"You took it… give it back. It's important to me."

"Oh yeah? Why should I though? How do you know we still have it? We could have burned it."

The sound of a slap came loudly from the two of us. On Sasuke's cheek was a read mark in the shape of my hand. "You! You wouldn't!"

He seemed shocked that I would slap him. Pein was trying to hide a smirk, and Gaara was watching with interest.

"Y-you just slapped me! You little bitch!" He raised his fist to punch me. I closed my eyes.

The hit never came. Instead I heard Sasuke. "What the hell?"

I opened my eyes and saw a blue kimono and brown hair with yellow eyes.

"U-Utakata?" I gasped. He turned and looked at me, nodding his head slightly.

"How dare you! You work fo-"

"For your parents company. You do realize what it means to harm a models face." He said nonchalantly.

"Gaara and Pein were standing stiff, watching Utakata. Pein seemed interested, while Gaara was glaring.

"Utakata, why are you here?" I asked.

Utakata let go of Sasuke wrist and put that hand on my shoulder instead. "You didn't come with Itachi so I thought I would retrieve you. We are doing a shoot for Armani jeans."

"B-but why would they want m for that ad?" I didn't understand.

"Because they want me for it, and I recommended you." His voice was nonchalant, bored the whole time. I bit my lower lip… happy. "They want us to do it like we did our first shoot. The theme is sensual."

"oh…" I nodded, and then turned my attention back to the three members of Shukaku. Pein was still looking at Utakata. Sasuke was fuming and Gaara…

I bit my lip and looked back down. His expression was blank, but his eyes held feeling in them. It was a sad feeling too… I didn't know why it hurt so much to look at him. It was because his eyes looked like my childhood friends right? No… there was something more that made my heart ache looking at him.

"Come on. We need to get going. Were already short on time." Ukitake turned me, his hand on my waist. It was then that it caught my eye.

Near the wall there was a greasy looking man with a camera held up to his face. I wasn't sure how to react. Luckily, Utakata saw it at the same time as me. "Act natural, but walk away towards the car fast." He whispered. I nodded.

"Sorry boys, but we have to leave you now." Utakata said, turning friendly. He bowed.

"Why should we let you leave? You ju-" Sasuke was cut off by Gaara, who had put a hand on his chest. He stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"Look to the left."

Sasuke did, and it was then that he saw the man, who was currently walking towards us with a camera rolling.

"Excuse me! Utakata! Are you romantically involved with Tobiramu's new model?" He asked.

Utakata pretended not to hear and I followed suit. He wrapped his arm around my waist and led me from the three men.

"B-but my picture. I-"

"You can get whatever you need later." He whispered lowly.

I looked back again, desperately wanting to go back, but knew I couldn't.

"So can I take your silence as you two being together?" The man asked. "Hey Zena, do you think that you will live up to Tobiramu's expectations?"

I ignored him and continued walking towards the black Sedan. "Are you two going to a shoot? Is it true that you are going out of your way to do shoots with her?"

He opened the door to me and the paparazzi had a desperate look. "Can you say something to the camera?"

"Have a nice day." I smiled, closing the door.

Utakata got in the front seat with an exasperated sigh. "That was your first taste of paparazzi. Now that they think you and I are a couple, expect more."

"Utakata… why are you so nice to me?" I asked with all earnestly. "Tobiramu said that you never model with the same girl twice, and that you hate most people… not to be rude."

He was driving slower than before, but still exceeding the speed limit I was pretty sure. "When you look at me, what do you see?"

"A male with brown hair and yellow eyes?" I scratched the back of my head, unsure of what I was supposed to say. "Sorry if you're expecting some deep answer… I'm not good at that sort of thing…"

"No. That was perfect. It's true. If I asked any other model though, they would say something about my money, my fame, or my 'good looks'. It's because of that I put up with you."

I gave him a playful glare "Put up with me? That's cold."

He flashed a small smile my way at that.

"So then, what do you see when you look at me?"

"Secrets." He mumbled.

"Huh?"

"I see someone who has a lot of secrets." He pulled up in front of the studio and said no more on the matter. "Come on, we need to work fast today."


	16. Diopside

I got to skip school on Tuesday because I had an early photo shoot. It was excused by Tobiramu. He had his reality TV show that day but he found time right before it started to make a call, which the school was eager to understand. I also found out that the apartment I was moving to that day was the same one that Utakata lived in. A complex for models of the agency. More to my surprise, Ukitake even offered to come over after he was done at the company to help me move.

Itachi was the one who carried all of my possessions. To my anger, he only took the clothes he got me and a few trinkets that were important to me. He said that the rest of my possessions were trash and not even worth saving. I glared at him for that but he shrugged it off.

I took Zakari's hand and we opened the door to the apartment. It was located in a busy neighborhood next to Starbucks, McDonalds, and a sushi bar. It was walking distance to the subway and there was a bus stop right outside. I would now have to take a taxi or bus to school or the subway instead of just walking, but I had no complaints in the long run.

When you walked into the apartment the first thing you saw was hues of blue, black, and white. To the left you could see a fairly large kitchen with blue and black and white tiled floor. To the left was a dining room with matching tile. The dining table was black, and had six white plastic chairs around it and a booster seat on one of the chairs for Zakari. No more highchair. There was also a counter on one of the walls under the window, three barstools underneath it. You had a really good view of the city this way. When you went into the dining room, to the right there was a bathroom with a bathtub, counter, and toilet all in white with light blue walls.

To get to the next room you went through the kitchen. It was the living room. A door to a closet on the left and a living room to the right. It had a large white couch on a white carpet and light blue, nearly white walls. A flat screen TV was against the wall in a white entertainment set. The coffee table was black stand with clear glass. There was a small lamp stand that was blue and white and black next to the couch and a white recliner next to that.

"Is this… really ours?" Zakari asked, mouth open.

I nodded. "Yeah… um… there's still two more rooms…" I was slightly afraid to see what was coming next.

The bedroom door was in the living room. There was a queen sized blue bed in the middle. Next to the bed was a black nightstand with a white lamp on it. The floors and walls were white. There was a desk with my laptop on it, a filing cabinet besides that. The dresser and closets were on one wall, and the other had a makeup stand type thing of which I had no idea the name. There was a lot of makeup on it, more than I had before that was for sure. I opened the dresser, amazed to find more clothes than I had before there.

In the closet were all my other clothes, with most of the clothes I had modeled in and some new ones. I smiled to myself… wow… The shoes were another thing. I didn't even know how many there were.

Zakari's room was off of mine. He had a twin sized blue bed with light blue walls and a green carpet on the white tiled floor. There were various toys placed neatly in cubbies. The closet was full of clothes much like mine was.

"Wow…"

"You can thank Tobiramu for the new appliances in the kitchen, the clothes and makeup. He paid to have it fully furnished." Itachi was leaning against the door the whole time. I jumped in surprise.

"Why would he do so much for me?" I asked. Zakari was already exploring the room. Itachi took a seat in the living room. I decided to sit next to him.

"To him, this isn't a lot. Your talking to a man whose net worth is nearly 52 million dollars. He also stocked your fridge with foods he deemed appropriate and a book of recipes you can make with them. He cares about you though, he has high hopes. Why else do you think he is trying to book you so many shoots? He wants your name to get out. And it has. It's been less than a month and already you've been in the tabloids and have had a few editorials thanks to Utakata."

"Oh… I guess any publicity is good publicity." I mused.

"Exactly. Look, I need to get back to the office. I'll see you later. The keys are in the office room." He stood up.

"Ok. See you tomorrow at school?"

"No, I have won't be there. Utakata offered to pick you up after school though to take you to the shoot. I will probably drop in sometime then." Itachi opened the door and left.

"bye…" I waved absentmindedly. Damn… This place was like a heaven to me.

I sighed contently as I walked back into my room, sitting at my desk. I turned on my computer. Utakata suggested using it to keep a schedule of my shoots. Tobiramu promised to email me my schedule to my hotmail account.

When I signed in, I noticed that I was not the only person online. Sandcoffin… Gaara, was on as well. A window popped up.

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Zena**

I closed the window, only to have it pop up again.

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Zena are you there?**

I closed it again. No… I wouldn't do this to myself. I needed to ignore him. Pretend I wasn't there.

_**Sandcoffin**_**: I know your reading this. I need you to listen to me.**

I hesitated a little, but closed it.

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Please…**

This time it took effort to close it.

_**Sandcoffin**_**: Zena…**

I let out the breath I had been holding and hovered over the W key. I was just about to respond when a knock on my door interrupted. As if snapped out of a trance I shut my laptop. I would take care of the schedule later.

Utakata was behind the door. He was dressed in a light blue kimono that showed his toned chest. Always with that weird fashion, unique for someone who wanted so badly to keep out of the public eye. Looking him over for a minute, I returned my gaze to his face and smiled up at him.

"Zena. Nice outfit." He smirked in a way that seemed a little uncharacteristic.

I looked down at my white button up white T-shirt and black shorts. I blushed slightly. I had forgotten to change my top after the shoot. At least it was buttoned now and I had bottoms on. My hair was still up in a very messy bun with curls falling down at random and shiny lip gloss with light eye makeup. I had forgotten a bra. "Hehe… yeah. I was in a bit of a hurry…"

Stepping aside. I motioned for him to come in, and he took up that offer, walking in. I noticed that as always, he seemed so elegant in the way he walked, as if he was so far above me I would never reach him. It was intimidating and I almost got lost in that thought if only he had not spoken. "Tobiramu did well with the style."

Snapped out of it I "What does your apartment look like? Is it like this?" I asked, taking a seat at the couch. He sat next to me.

"My apartment has a blue and yellow theme. Tobiramu designed it as well. He is good at what he does that is for sure." He nodded to himself.

"Kata?" Zakari asked, appearing shyly from the door.

"Hey there kid." He smiled gently.

"You've talked to Utakata before right Zakari?" I motioned him over.

Zakari raised up his hands in a shrug, walking over and crawling into my lap. "They always talk about him."

Utakata raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Who?"

"The other girls. They always talk about you."

"Ah," We both said at the same time understanding. He must be talking about the agency.

"What sort of things do they say?" I couldn't resist asking.

"They say that they want him and that he is secty." Zakari shook his head in exasperation. Most likely he was mimicking Tobiramu and Itachi and Shikamaru.

I laughed at him, especially his mispronunciation of sexy. That was good. He didn't need to know those sort of things. Playfully, I nudged Utakata. "Hear that Utakata? You're 'secty'"

"Then you don't want to know what I hear some of the male models in the company say about you." He teased back.

I blushed. "Liar."

"I wish. You should hear them some times." He shrugged.

"Huh! What do they say?"

"Well, let's just say that they find you more than "Secty"" he smirked, looking at me from the corner of my eyes.

"Um… change of subject?"

He laughed at that proposal. "I actually wanted to know if you wanted to go out for a celebration dinner. My treat."

"Celebration? For what?"

"Everything." He sighed, leaning back. "Your modeling being a success, being good enough for me to 'put up with', and moving into a new apartment. Also, the bruises on your body have all healed. There's a lot to celebrate."

Smiling at him, I nodded. "That sounds good. Just give me half an hour to shower and get dressed."

"Want me to watch Zakari while you shower?"

"Please." I accepted the offer. I handed an all too willing Zakari over to him and moved to shower. I rarely ever showered or bathed without Zakari. Climbing into the bathroom, dropping my clothes, and getting in I let out a small smile. Bumble and Bumble shampoo and conditioner was already in there along with body and face wash courtesy of Tobiramu. They smelt like lemon…

For some reason it reminded me faintly of Gaara. I shoved that thought out of my mind and continued with the showering.

Emerging in a towel, I had to walk through the living room to my room. "Don't look at me." I murmured to Utakata as I walked by.

"After all the shots we've done together your modest now?" He mused.

I rolled my eyes. "Shutup." And slammed the door to my room. I changed into a pair of blue jeans, a plain brown belt, A grey plaid jacket with a pink tank-top under it and a black and pink and orange and yellow scarf with small black dots all over it. I blow dried and brushed my hair down, leaving it limp. I did a very light shade of grey on my eyes and clear lip gloss over pink lipstick. Black heels were the finishing touch.

Utakata stood as I walked out. "I will go change as well." He informed turning and leaving abruptly. I took that time to change Zakari into jeans and a grey sweater over a long sleeved white shirt. He had black shoes on. I had to smirk as we stood in front of the full length mirror. We didn't look like the same street rats that we were a month ago. Somehow... it seemed different now. Like that was a dream, and yet was so close to becoming our reality again. A scary thought, but... it felt different now.

Utakata knocked walked in without even knocking. He was clad in an outfit that in my mind, made him look hot. A brown plaid jacket with a grey shirt under it and a black belt and blue jeans with black shoes. Wow… "You clean up nicely."

"So I've been told." He smirked. "You two ready?"

We both nodded. He took us outside, him holding one of Zakari's hands, me the other. It was odd, but even though I hadn't known Utakata long, I felt a small attachment to him. Weather it was as a best friend, a brother, a senior, or something more… I couldn't tell yet. It still seemed like a dream that he was talking to me. He… a famous model who was said to have nothing to do with any other models. However, along with making me feel special it made me suspicious. Why the sudden interest?

"Where are we going?" I asked.

He pointed to a building ahead of us. "Au Bon Pain. It's rated as the healthiest restaurant in the city. It's the only place where Tobiramu gives us free reign to eat anything from the menu as long as we follow the calorie restrictions. It's the only place he permits us eating sweets from too."

The both of us walked in with Zaraki, most likely looking like a family or something. Utakata didn't seem to mind so I pretended that it didn't look that way. The restaurant was a warm, family friendly place. It was also packed. He walked us over to a wooden round table with chairs. As soon as we sat down, well, more like as soon as we entered, people stared and whispered.

One group of girls lifted up their cell phones and took pictures. Utakata sighed and stood up with a blank face. Zakari and I looked up, but Zakari beat me to asking: "What you doing?"

"I need to take care of this." He walked over to the table of girls his steps calm and he was looking more like he did earlier, like he was above us all and on a pedestal I could never reach. The girls probably caught onto his powerful air for they too grew wide eyed and quiet.

I didn't hear what was said, but they all handed over their phones. Utakata pressed a few buttons on each of them and then handed them back, saying a few more words. Then he returned and sat as if nothing had occurred.

"What did you do?" I asked, looking over at the girls, who were whispering amongst themselves.

"Deleted the photos. They should know that taking pictures of someone as young as Zakari and posting them anywhere can get those two months in jail at the least and classified as a sexual offender. There are very strict rules about that. Of course, if you blur his face it would be fine. They don't need to know that though."

"Oh…" I felt stupid. He must be used to this by now. We sat silently for a minute while Zakari was coloring on the menu, until the waiter came up to take our order.

"Hello. My name is Steve and I'll be your server for tonight." A man with a college look about him held a pen and pad at the ready. He was trying to be professional and not stare, but I could tell he was struggling.

"I'll take the…" Utakata looked at Zakari expectantly.

"Kids roasted turkey sandwich on a farmhouse roll" I spoke up for him.

"That and one Caesar Asiago salad for me and for Zena…"

I skimmed the menu quickly. It had calorie listing and everything. "The side garden salad and a small vegetable soup." Only 100 calories for both of them.

The waiter nodded. "Any Dressings?"

I opened my mouth to say yes but Utakata cut in. "None."

"Why not?" I frowned. Who was he to decide?

"They are high in calories." He said.

The waiter looked amused but said nothing about our calorie choices. "And to drink?"

"Large diet lemonade." Utakata handed the man his menu. The waiter took it.

"Um, same here only a medium. And a small orange juice." I handed him my menu as well.

He nodded and went to deliver it.

I leaned back in my chair. "So when do we have a shoot together again?"

"This weekend. They want us to do a commercial actually. It's for perfume. It will take the entire of a day but this will be the first shot you will probably be getting paid for. Do your best. It took a lot of effort on both my part and your managers to get them to agree to have you for the shoot. " The drinks arrived just then. He took a sip of his soda. I handed Zakari his orange juice and took a small sip of mine as well.

"What's the theme?"

"It's called euphoria. It isn't a theme for children to know about."

That was enough information. It was a perfume commercial anyways. Those were almost always… extremely sensual.

"I see. Well, getting paid some cash would be nice."

"Don't worry. At the rate you're going you'll be up top no time. There's never been a model Tobiramu couldn't make a supermodel, though he seems to be trying extra hard on you. Once you get to the level of someone like me for example, you will be paid for even the smaller shoots. But commercials usually pay anywhere from 200 to 5,000 dollars. It's the same for runway shows. My level, usually it's around a thousand or two or three for a shoot. For someone at your level it will be around one or two hundred. For someone like the Mizukage… she was off the pay charts. It was rumored one company paid her 50,000 to be in their commercial. There's nobody who's ever come close to her level besides Tobiramu himself… though we all strive…" I could see the longing in his eyes.

"Wow… That's amazing. I would love to meet her… she seems like something else."

"She is." He murmured. "Well, hurry and eat. You need a good night's sleep. I'll pick you up tomorrow after your class is out. I think that Itachi wanted to take your measurements again. He has standards but as long as you don't gain weight I am positive you will be fine."

Picking up my fork, I nodded. I never worried about being too fat before and on the contrary I wanted to put on some weight so I wasn't bothered so much by it. I now had to worry about staying the same weight. Ironic wasn't it? It would be simple though, as I never had a period of time when I could eat enough to gain weight. I suppose there was always some good to come out of the pain.

The rest of the dinner went a little awkward. I didn't know what to say to Utakata. He still... seemed like a dream to have besides me. Slowly, I came to the realization that during this time I hadn't even received a chance to think of Gaara or any of the Shukaku. That… made me feel weird. I had never been distracted so easily yet between modeling and talking to Utakata it had been minimal. I smiled softly to myself. If only Utakata and I could become something more..

I erased those thoughts almost as soon as they were made. That was ridiculous to think. Utakata would probably date someone on the same level as the Mizukage. Not some novice model that has to have these strings pulled just to get a job. I let out a small sigh.

"Next month the shoots I do will become more limited." Utakata spoke slowly, snapping my attention to him. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what he meant. "Let's go. I'll explain on the walk home."

I realized then that both of them had finished their food. Myself, I had only eaten about a third of my meal. Not wanting to hold up the bouncing blond or the calm burnet, I nodded and shoved my dishes to the end of the table to be dealt with. Utakata offered me a hand as I moved to stand, and I took it. My other hand was grabbed by Zakari as he made strenuous motions in an attempt to pull me up. I chuckled lightly at that. "My my Zakari, how strong you are getting."

The little boy blushed, causing me to laugh even more than before. Utakata eve cracked a small smile. We left like that, and I was positively red noticing that he still had not let go of my hand, neither of them had. It was almost like a family. Not that I would know what a family was really like, but still…

"So.. what do you mean when you say you will not be modeling so much? Family issues?" I asked as we walked down the sidewalk towards out apartment.

"I don't have a family." He spoke nonchalantly, as if it was a simple question. "I am trying out the acting business. My agent told me it brought in more money than modeling, and I would fit my needs better. As a result the number of shoots will be limited."

"Oh…" I spoke like an idiot. I couldn't think of much else to say really. "Well... then I'll have to try and get as many shoots outta you as possible before you leave us!" I tried to make it more cheerful an event.

Utakata raised an eyebrow my way, making me suddenly rethink my words. I must have turned a shade redder. "Um not that… I want to do shoot with you… I mean not that I don't want to … I do but not really bad I mean... no... That sounds mean. Argh I give up!" I ruffled my hair in exasperation.

Zakari looked up with his adorable face in a grin. "Mom's not that smart huh?" That earned him a thwack on the forehead from me and a small chuckle from Utakata.

"Let's… just pretend that never happened eh?" I nervously laughed, continuing to walk and half-dragging the other two back to the apartment. At the door we stopped and released our hands from each other.

"See you later?" I asked as I opened the door to my apartment and let Zakari in.

"Most likely." Utakata responded as he walked away. Just like that he was once again the secretive shell. I sighed and led Zaraki inside. I still had one problem that I needed to attempt again tomorrow.

The photo…

* * *

><p><em>Love and hate. Two emotions so passionately strung together, often they are misinterpreted.<em> ~E.L.E


	17. Sugilite

The next day I had an early shoot that started at 7 in the morning. It lasted three hours and it was eleven by the time the taxi reached the high school. The shoot was for some no-name company, and I got paid virtually nothing for it. I wasn't complaining though. Thursday I needed to go to a shoot directly after school and then runway lessons. Friday an hour at the gym with her personal trainer after a long shoot in the town next to this one. Saturday I had my first runway show for some minute company, Sunday I was free, and then Monday I had the day off asides from an hour workout session. A busy week.

Because the shoot ran so late, and I didn't want to waste the money or time of going back to my house to change, I had to show up to the shoot in the designated clothes. It was either that or the pajamas I had worn to the shoot. So today I was sporting a black tank top with jeans that were light blue and had a weird darker blue horizontal stripe design. The shoes were black high heel booties that were over the skinny jeans. They wound up with diamond shaped holes in the front. My left wrist had a band on it and my hair was sitting back in a loose bun. The makeup was done to look natural luckily. Last thing I wanted was to show up looking like I had obviously come from a shoot.

I knew it made me stand out the second I walked into class. We had rotated our schedules, but our classmates were still the same. I had almost forgotten, but luckily I had picked up my schedule:

_8-8:25 1st period: Chemistry with Physics. Teacher" Orochimaru_

_8:30-9:55 2nd period: Weight Training. Teacher: Gai_

_10-11:25 3rd period: AP Calculus BC. Teacher: Nara_

_11:25-11:55 Lunch_

_12-1:25 4th period: CN English 12 Teacher: Jiraiya_

_1:30-2:55 5th period: CAD1. Teacher: Nara_

_2:55- 3:30: 6th period: Health Teacher: Tsunade_

I raised an eyebrow at the last one. Tsunade was teaching a class herself? That was odd, but I supposed it must have something to do with budget cuts. My workload wasn't going to be simple, especially working on top of everything. There was nothing I could do asides from try my best to succeed. I was sure I could do it. Especially with a teacher like Shikamaru's dad as my homeroom one.

I walked into the English class a few minutes after it had started. The required books in my arms and my head down. The whole day passed like that. Head down and silently. Itachi wasn't in school, so nobody talked to me. Not that it was any different than normal. Before I knew it the end of the day had come. Yesterday I had tried to stop Gaara with his friends in front of the school. Today, I decided it might be easier to take a different approach.

I felt kind of weird to be honest, like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be. Well, I wasn't I suppose. What exactly I was doing… could be considered a form of stalking. I saw Gaara leave the school and I followed for a little while, at least until he came onto a more deserted street sidewalk without people around. The cold winter breeze forced my cheeks red. It was then I picked up my pace behind him. Gaara stopped, didn't look back but stopped walking. My heels clacked loudly as I caught up to the redhead through the snow. When I was standing just a few feet behind him, I realized I didn't know what I was going to say. "Gaara…" Was the only response I managed.

He turned around and looked at me, hands in his khaki pants and an emotionless face. I remembered the previous day when I didn't answer him over MSN. "What?" He asked.

"Gaara… I…" Hesitation and nervousness overwhelmed me for a long second. Taking a deep breath I steeled my nerves. "I want my picture back. The one you took. It's mine and I know you took it."

He stared for a few seconds before speaking back, his green eyes peering into my soul. I shifted my feet uncomfortably, trying to adjust. "Why?" was his only spoken word after the awkward moment.

"Because… It's mine and it's important to me!" I narrowed my eyes just slightly. I knew he probably wouldn't be easy to get it back from.

He took a few steps closer to me, and an instinct to back away came into play. I ignored it and stood my ground as he got closer and closer. Eventually there was only a small gap and I was fighting to keep eye contact. Christmas eve flashed into my mind and I wanted to punch him or hold onto him. That unsettled me. He said he would leave me alone though…

His hand came up and for a reason I didn't know, I didn't flinch away. His eyes seemed to foreign, almost lost. I stared into them as he touched my cheek. It was a gentle touch, and I realized then how his hands were soft. Considering all the fighting he did, I hadn't expected that.

"Gaara…" I mumbled. And like that… the magic was broken. He turned around and I felt a want to reach out for him, but knew that was illogical and he couldn't see it anyways with his back turned.

"Sunday outside of Starbucks" He spoke, surprising me. At first I didn't understand, mind still foggy from the moment previous. "huh?" The words came out like they belonged to an idiot. I supposed they did in all reality.

"Noon at Starbucks. You want your picture back right?" He said before disappearing around a corner. A few seconds later it clicked in my head and I brought my hands together and a small smile on my face. I had made some progress at least.

* * *

><p>To say the week passed by slowly would be a lie. It wasn't exactly a full week, but the 4 days until I got my picture back was a drag. Oh great, I was starting to talk like Shikamaru. That thought made my eyes roll, in the middle of brushing my hair. It was odd, but I was honestly more excited for today than I was yesterday, when I did my first runway show. Don't get me wrong that was a huge day too, especially since it was Tobiramu's attempt at getting me a contract with a large label or something. I tried my best and I believed I did good. I hopped so at least.<p>

Since I was just going to Starbucks, I didn't want to wear anything that stood out. Unfortunately with Tobirama as the one who chose my wardrobe, that was a challenge. "Zakari!" I called stepping away from the mirror. Seconds later the little boy came walking out of his own room and into mine. He tilted his head in the way one might when they are confused.

"Have you seen my plain white T-shirt ?" I asked, looking around the room. I had been unable to find it for a few days, and that was unsettling

When no reply came from Zakari, I turned and studied him. Instantly, I knew something was wrong. His feet together and hands behind his back, fidgeting. It was his guilty look. "Dunno…" He mumbled with his eyes on his feet.

I walked a few feet over and crouched down to eye level. "Oh? I think you do. Where is it?" I raised an eyebrow and gave him a knowing look.

"I dunno…" He continued to insist. Still kneeling I poked him in the stomach, bringing forth a small giggle from him.

This was when I smirked, and brought my hands up to his armpits. He knew what was coming and after a few seconds tried to squirm around and away. He only got turned around before I picked him up and ran with him to the bed and roughly dropped him on his back. "You sure you don't know?"

A defiant shake of the head later and ignoring pleas to stop, I succeeded in eliciting wild laughter form Zakari. Of course, it only continued for a second before the little bugger wiggled his way out of my grasp. One thing about kids is that they can run fast, faster than one could imagine their foot long legs can carry.

When I followed him, something must have clicked. He ran into his room, slammed the door, and lent against it. Of course I could easily force it open, but instead I banged against the door and shouted a few threats. This always worked. Seconds later he mumbled an: "Ok ok!", and the door opened. With a successful smile I walked in and watched him crawl towards and under the bed. Moments later her came back out, but not without my white T-shirt. What caught my eye however was the way he looked incredibly guilty as he handed it to me.

I took it into my hands and uncrumpled it. Suddenly, I wished I paid more attention to the fact that Tobiramu obviously knew nothing about children. Who bought toddler watter-paint? With a sigh I couldn't help but ask: "Why…"

"At daycare we tie-dyed rags!" He grinned sheepishly. A sigh flowed from my mouth.

"Zakari… You're so dead…"

* * *

><p>I decided to take Zakari with me instead of dropping him off. We hadn't spent much time together lately, and I was missing him. It was still snowy out, so I had to settle for the brown and black trench coat dress, black boots, and red earmuffs and a scarf. Zakari looked like a blue snowball with a poofy blue and white jacket, blue jeans, white shoes, and a blue hat. We walked into the store and took a seat.<p>

A salted caramel hot chocolate was set in front of Zakari, small with no coffee of course, while I settled for a small black coffee. I didn't much care for it, but it was something the agency allowed me to drink.

While waiting for Gaara and sipping our drinks, I played a few mind games with Zakari. Mostly I-spy. In the middle of me spying his blue shoelaces a man came up.

"Excuse me!" He rubbed the back of his brown hair.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Um, this is going to sound kind of strange… but you look like someone I used to know. And there aren't many girls who have hair and eyes like you do…" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

I took a good look at him. Brown messy hair, eyes rimmed faintly in black, and black eyes. He looked oddly familiar…

"Um… my name is Zena Ukitake..." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Zena? Did your last name used to be Sirota?" He asked, getting excited.

I widened my eyes. "Y-yes it did. How did you know that?" Only Zakari and Tobiramu knew that.

Instead of an answer, he moved over and grabbed my hand. Utterly surprised I didn't protest and he pulled me to my feet, wrapped his arms around me in a hug, and exclaimed. "Zena! You're alive? It's me Kankuro! When did you… how are you?" He pulled back slightly.

"Kankuro!" I sputtered. I hugged him tight again. "I'm doing good! And you? How are you doing? When did you get here?"

"We moved from Suna two years after you left. Our father died in an... accident so Temari took custody of Gaara and I. She's in Konoha university right now studying to get her degree in some fancy weather thing." He laughed.

I smiled, of course. Same old stupid Kankuro. "And you?"

"I just entered college this year. I'm going for an art major. Puppets actually." He scratched the back of his head. I nodded in understanding. He always did like puppets. "And you?

"Mommy? Whose he?" Zakari brought me back down to my elation. Of course, Kankuro snapped his eyes towards my 'son'.

"Mom?" Kankuro practically sputtered out. Rolling my eyes I took a seat back down besides Zakari.

" I actually have a little brother now. Um… After we left my parents and I moved to Taki. But a little over a year ago some problems came up. I got custody of my little brother and moved to Konoha. I'm filing for adoption of him right now. When I turn 18 it should be perfected."

"That's a lot to take in. But… you look…" His eyes roamed over my body and he frowned. "Don't get me wrong, you're hot as always but… thin. Have you been eating ok?"

I sighed. "Yeah. It's part of my job. But let's not get into that… Um... How's Gaara?" The question slipped from my, as it was probably what was most on my mind. Kankouro however, didn't seem to share my excitement. His mood seemed t drop considerably and he took a seat across from us.

"He… He's not the same Zena." Was all Kankuro said. I waited for him to continue but he needed more prodding it seemed.

"How so? Why? When?" I decided to ask the basics.

"How? He's colder… he's not the same person you knew. And why? You should know. Abuse from his father and the neighborhood children…"

"But… He was stronger than that Kankuro. He never let that sort of thing affect him…ever." My bottom lip was bit in nervousness of the answer.

"Look Zena. I've forgiven you, Temari has for the most part, but Gaara? You were all he had. When you suddenly called him a monster and left him… He couldn't help it. He believed it and he became one. Yo-"

"I have to see hi-"

"No. That isn't a good ideal Zena. He's not the Gaara you're thinking of." Kankuro had concern in his eyes, and I was worried. However, he didn't know the truth.

"You don't understand Kankuro. I have to explain why that happened, why I said that. It wasn't what you thought… I have to explain" I pleaded, before realized that Kankuro was looking behind me.

**"Explain what?"**

* * *

><p><em>"Expectations never meet up with reality. Surprise is what separates us from the heavens"<em> ~ELE


	18. Time to Speak

Oh my god... how long has it been since I uploaded this? Too long. Just... no words can describe my shame. None. I'm sorry T_T

* * *

><p>It's odd... what humans do. What they are capable of. I recognized the voice that rang out from behind me. Even if I didn't, the look of recognition on Kankuro's face and the words themselves would have told me. Despite instincts pleading for me to run, I did turn around. And I did let my pale eyes travel over to gaze at him. Red hair, khaki pants, deep blue sweater… vibrant green eyes. There was nobody else at school like that. There was nobody else in the world like that… And I think part of me knew that already. Part of me had already realized it.<p>

"_He's changed Zena…"_ Kankuro's words rang inside of my head. I knew... I wanted to pretend I didn't know but I did. When my eyes trailed down towards his hand, to the picture just visible enough that I could see the four figures, I saw them in a new light.

My mind swam at an unreasonable pace as all the pieces seemed to fit together. The looks, the name, the picture, the hate… no. The hate wasn't explained. No matter how much I could have wronged him… could he really have done this out of revenge? Why… Surely he recognized me. Surely he understood. So then why did he hurt me physically and mentally? Not Gaara. Not the one who had kept me going before I had Zakari.

My true colors shone at that moment. I was a coward. A weak person. Standing to my full height I reached for Zakari's hand and held it tight. My heart and mind and soul could not handle this stress. Normally I probably would have fainted, but not then. Not in front of Zakari. Scaring him like that would be unforgivable. "Zakari." I said softly, averting my eyes from Gaara. "Let's go get a hamburger from McDonalds. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Mom…" Zakari said in a soft, unsure voice. He could sense that something was wrong.

"Zena." Gaara whispered after I paused at Zakari's concern. I looked at him, eyes searching. Mostly for a lie to be in this. For this person to not be the real Gaara. But he seemed to be looking for the same thing. As our eyes connected I realized I didn't see any of the hate or the bloodlust usually found in them. For a second he looked just like my old Gaara. And I was thrust back into the past. To memories which were easier to forget. That would be easiest to stay forgotten.

* * *

><p>"<em>Gaara!" I yelled, pumping my little legs to catch up to him. "Gaara! Don't do that! It's dangerous!"<em>

_The red headed little boy turned around and tilted his head. "What are you talking about?"_

_I huffed angrily, crossing my arms. "It's dangerous to cross the street if I's not at the crosswalk!"_

"_Not for me. I'm tough." He proclaimed, continuing to walk along the sidewalk._

_I giggled a little. "Jeesh, one of these days you're gonna get hurt."_

_He didn't say anything but slowed his steps so I could walk next to him. "Would you cry if I did?"_

_With a red face I hid behind my light blond hair. "Jeesh, what's with you."_

_He gave a sideways smile. "Of course you wouldn't. You're too lazy."_

"_I'm not that lazy…" _

"_Yer the laziest person I know."_

"_Eh? I put effort into things! I do!"_

"_Now you're a liar."_

_My eyes narrowed, huffing and looking away. We were heading to the park. All the neighborhood children would gather there. The sandbox was Gaara's favorite thing. I didn't like how it got into my clothes. I would get in trouble for being dirty and be punished. But Gaara always looked so happy I would give in anyways. He was my only friend after all. _

_Finally we arrived at the park and Gaara immediately headed over to the sandbox. I followed obediently. _

"_Hey look! It's Gaara and his puppy!"_

_I shot a glare towards a group of three boys playing in the sand already. Puppy?_

"_I dunno why she hangs around such a monster." Another of the trio said, waving his hand. _

_My five year old self usually didn't show emotions or thoughts towards anything. I was too lazy to bother. But I was getting annoyed. I glanced at Gaara. His face was looking at the ground with his face hidden. My fists clenched. _

"_Such a freak. I bet he dyes his hair. He just wants to be cool looking like a monster. We should call him Monster-sama!"_

_The boys started to laugh, but instantly the one who was loudest was cut off. I tackled him, pulling his hair and hitting his face again and again. I couldn't stand listening to him talk about my precious friend that way. And I didn't know how to convey my thoughts in a peaceful way. Instead I chose to communicate through kicks and hair pulling and slaps. _

"_YOU FREAK!" The other two recovered their shock fast enough and one of them grabbed my hair, pulling hard. I yelled a complaint and moved to tackle him as well, throwing punch after punch. The boy didn't stand a chance put tried to cover his face. I felt something whack my side and turned to the third one with a stick. He aimed another whack to my face but before he could a red flash tackled him to the ground and rolled around, fighting. Together Gaara and I fought the three until they ran off. We were battered and bruised, hair matted and sweat pouring down our faces. So much for not getting dirty._

"_See… I put effort into some things." I laughed, reaching out and wiping some sand off his cheek that had stuck to sweat. _

_He had a shocked expression. "Yeah…" He said in awe, looking in my eyes. "You're not too bad."_

_I shoved him playfully. "I was pretty cool wasn't I? I bet you're going to follow me to the end of the earth now! Admiring my beauty and skill!"_

_He laughed, making me glower. "Yep. I'll follow you forever."_

_It made me surprised but happy at the same time to hear that. Even if it was a joke. "Of course you will! I'll be dragging you after all!" _

_We smiled and picked ourselves up, dusting off and both playing. We would stay until dark in ignorant bliss. Our escape from rough home lives. True joy._

* * *

><p>"Zena…" Gaara repeated, shaking the memories up. My throat felt so dry.<p>

"Come on Zak." I tugged on his little hands and took a few steps towards Gaara, passing him with my head down.

"Stop." He ordered as soon as I took a step past him. I didn't. I couldn't.

"Mom… isn't that the bully?" Zakari whispered.

I couldn't crack a smile at the irony of that. My lips wouldn't work. I did stop then though.

"You owe me. You owe me an explanation."

"No…" I whispered.

"Tell me why you left all of a sudden."

I shook my head. People were starting to look at us.

"You said you had a reason, so tell me."

"Enough…" My voice broke as my eyes stung. A pain in my chest appeared and it was more painful than any wound of the flesh.

"It's your fault I became like this. You need to tell me why."

"ENOUGH!" I said firmly, turning around. The tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. "Enough."

"It's not enough!" He screamed back. His fists clenched and he had that same lost and confused expression. "Unless you can turn back time it can never be enough."

I took a step back. Zakari had gone quiet. He was probably scared and I hated myself for doing this in front of a child. "Don't do this Gaara. Please."

He took a step forward, and then another and a another until he was standing in front of me. "Didn't I ask you the same thing?"

Guilt. Guilt stung like a million immortal bee's as I remembered the day I left him. I remembered it so clearly.

"_I hate you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, standing at the side of the sandbox._

"_W-what are you saying?" Gaara looked stunned as he stood in the center of the box, a small castle behind him. _

"_I'm saying that you're the worst. You're an idiotic freak! I only hung out with you because I felt sorry for you!" I screamed the words without crying. I couldn't. For Gaara I had to do this. For my moms sake._

_Tears welled up in the red heads eyes. He was lost and confused and I knew it was my fault. I could never forgive myself for such a thing. "Don't do this Zena. Please."_

"_You…" I hesitated before continuing. This was the one thing I could say to get him to hate me like I was pretending to hate him. The thing most painful for him to hear. "You're a monster Gaara. I want nothing to do with you._

_His knees gave out and he collapsed into the sand, dark spots forming on it from his tears. With a high head I turned around. While he couldn't see me I cried._

"Do you remember?"

I swallowed hard and bent down, picking up Zakari and holding him to my chest. "I… I have to go."

Before I could even turn around Gaara grabbed my shoulder roughly. I flinched away instinctively and his cold hold lessened. Pulling away would be an option but my feet wouldn't move.

"Don't you dare." Gaara glared. "Not this time. I won't let you run away."

"Gaara…" Finally I turned and looked at him. I opened my mouth before shutting it. "Gaara…"

"That's right." Said Gaara almost softly. His face was full of confusion, hurt, and pleading for understanding. "Gaara."

I felt so much at that moment. Confusion, hurt, shame, guilt, and frustrated. I was frustrated at life. At the way things had turned out. "Gaara…" I whispered again. And without thinking it I reached out as if I was about to touch his cheek.

But I stopped at the last moment and looked down at our feet, centimeters apart. "I need to explain."

"You do." He agreed. But he did not seem angry anymore.

Kankuro cleared his throat. "Anyone care to tell me what the hells going on?"

And I knew it was finally time. Time to tell them what the hell was going on.

* * *

><p><em>"I only made it this far because I had those friends supporting me. You don't understand that. It's clear that you never will. And frankly sir, I pitty you."<em> -**Eniko**


	19. The Demon and the Prince

"Mommy you're shaking…" Said Zakari.

"Mommy's just a bit cold." I whispered.

"I should have stopped you back then." Gaara said. "When you ran away from me the first time."

I stared at his arm, held out to stop me.

"I'm stopping you this time. I'm making you explain."

Our eyes met.

"My place." I whispered.

"Your place." He agreed.

* * *

><p>The three of us walked back to my apartment building. The only sounds came from Zakari, babbling about things I couldn't seem to focus on.<p>

Utakata passed us in the apartment building, regarding Gaara wish suspicion.

"Is everything OK Zena?" He asked.

"Oh, er yeah. What's in the box?" I motioned to a large package he was carrying.

"Fanmail." He said. Still, he looked at Gaara.

"Oh wow, you sure are popular." I smiled. I glanced at Gaara. "Er, are you busy right now Utakata?"

He shook his head. "For today I am done with work."

An idea formed in my head. "Is there any way you could watch Zakari for a little bit then? I'm not sure how long. Might be a few minutes or a few hours... er sorry. I'd pay you if you want."

Utakata shifted the box in his arms and looked at Zakari. "Do you want to help me sort the fanmail Zak?" He asked.

"Y-yeah. I do. I do." Zakari grinned.

Utakata positioned the box on his hip as I let Zakari down. The two joined hands and Utakata started to lead him towards the elevator.

"Dinner." Said Utakata.

"Hm?" I asked.

"In return for babysitting, cook me dinner tonight. My place. And... tell me if you need help with anything."

Utakata sent Gaara one last look before Zakari pressed a button and the doors shut. I turned to Gaara, motioning to my door. "It's this one." I said.

Once inside I walked to the kitchen. "Er, would you like some tea or coffee? I have milk too..."

Gaara helped himself to a seat in the living room. "An explanation."

There was no getting around it. I poured a cup of tea for myself and walked into the living room. I was stalling when I sat down and stirred the drink.

"Well?" He crossed his arms.

I looked out the window before taking a deep breath.

"Once upon a time, there was a common demon girl, and a prince." I smiled. "They lived in a demon kingdom, where all the demons looked down on and hated the prince. The demon girl was the prince's only friend."

Gaara quirked an eyebrow. "D-"

"And," I interrupted him. "The two friends were very happy together. It didn't matter that the prince's parents were upset to have a prince for a son. And it didn't matter that the demon girls father hated her for befriending the prince."

"It could have continued on like that for the rest of their lives and they would have been happy. But, the girls father was capable of some pretty powerful demon magic. And he threatened to use it against the girl if she didn't break off the friendship."

"So the girl gave up and threw it away just like that?" Gaara gritted his teeth.

"No. The girl resisted for a little while. Even when the father used his magic against her, she wouldn't break the friendship. But, then the demon father threatened to use the same magic on the girls mother."

Gaara's eyes snapped up just as mine shit.

"The demon girl saw the way the magic worked on those she loved, and was too afraid. True to her demon nature, she did something unforgivable. She broke off the friendship. She left the prince alone in a world of demons. It was only natural that he became a demon himself. And he didn't live happily ever after. "

"How did the story end for the girl?"

"Turns out, her father quite liked using his demon magic. When the girl got older, he learned a spell that was much more powerful. He cursed her, so she'd be ruined. So she'd never be able to befriend another prince again. Didn't matter really. Prince's and demons aren't supposed to be together."

Gaara put his hands in his head and I opened my eyes.

I stood and removed my boots, then my socks. My jacket fell and I took the belt off my dress.

Gaara looked up in question.

I gave no answer and continued, unbuttoning the front of the dress until I could slip it off my shoulders. Standing naked in front of Gaara I walked forward. He did not move even when I was standing before him.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

I reached my hand out and he placed his in mine without question. I led his hand to the inside of my thigh.

He understood that this was no carnal act as soon as he touched my skin.

"Do you feel the scars?" I asked.

I let go of his hand but he kept it there. He rubbed the inside of my left thigh, feeling. Then my right.

"What are these cuts from?" He asked.

"Nearly invisible thanks to age, but you can feel them. A small cut made for every time he placed a curse on me. So I wouldn't be able to forget. So that no matter who held me, they'd always ask in the end, and I'd always have to remember."

Gaara grit his teeth. "I don't know how to judge this. What to think of you. Because of what you did, I became one of those demosn."

Slowly, I smiled. "I don't want your forgiveness. I don't expect or deserve it. And I don't need to forgive you. I'm not the victim here."

"How can you say that with these cuts?" He asked.

"These cuts had nothing to do with you."

"If you hadn't been friends with me h-"

"He still would have touched me eventually. He was that kind of a sick man. It had nothing to do with you."

Gaara's hand moved up my body now, to a small, slightly pink mark on my side. "I made this one though."

I nodded. "But, I am the one responsible for turning you into the kind of person who would leave that mark on me. It's my fault you turned out like this. My fault you learned to hate. I'm tired of playing the roll of victim. I don't deserve pity."

"Zena-"

"So you don't have to forgive me." I continued to smile down at him.

My nose stung. I was close to tears so I smiled bigger to try and keep them down. "You can continue to be cruel to me. You can do whatever you want because I deserve it. Because I'm the demon in this story. The villain that the prince is supposed to defeat. I won't even complain anymore. Whatever it takes to make you feel better. I'm- I- I-"

A tear fell on Gaara's face.

He reached up and wiped my cheek for me. Then he pulled me down and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry." I cried into his shoulder, gripping his hair tightly. He held onto me int he same way, both afraid the other would melt away if we dared let go. "I'm so sorry."

I repeated that chant over and over again. It stung to admit when you were wrong. It hurt being the villain even more than the victim.

I cried until I was out of energy and my eyes were puffy and sore and I had a headache coming on.

"You're shaking." He made the same observation as Zakari did.

"Cold." I whispered. "I'm just cold."

This time was no lie. Naked in the middle of winter didn't help.

Gaara kept one arm wrapped around me but moved the other under my legs, lifting me easily and holding me against his chest. He stood and walked through the open door to my bedroom.

He laid down with me, pulling blankets over the both of us. I wiped my eyes.

"I still do not know what to think." He spoke softly.

I nodded.

He held on to me again and I closed my eyes, drowsy from the emotional drain.

"Can-" Gaara hesitated. "for just a minute can we stay like this. Then I'll decide what to do."

I nodded against his chest.

I fought to keep my eyes open but slowly they fell for the last time.

* * *

><p><em>It's not that we want to fall. We are just as scared of the fall as you. The only difference is, we're faced with this fire that makes the fall, though still scary, the more pleasing of options. ~ E.L.E.<em>


	20. Waffles

I'm updating especially so I don't get any ninja hounds on me. (You know who you are)

* * *

><p>When I opened my eyes, Gaara was gone.<p>

In his place was the picture. My picture. I gripped it tightly and held it against my lips, eyes closed.

when had I fallen asleep? When had Gaara left?

checking the time I was relieved to see that I'd only dozed off for about an hour. Utakata would forgive me. I rose and wiped sleep from my eyes and slipped clothes back on.

I was relieved. It felt like a weight had been lifted and it was done. I could only move forward now. The next move belonged to Gaara. He could hurt me, at which I would not protest. He could ignore me. He could forgive me. Whatever the choice it was his alone to make.

It was resolved for me. I had found my childhood friend at last and never had to wonder what happened to him. I'd even found Kankuro.

Someone knocked on the door and I took that as a cue to get dressed. When I went to open the door I found it was locked. It was a little touching that Gaara would lock it behind him. For my own safety.

"Zakari was worried. He wanted to check on you." Said Utakata when I opened the door to let him in.

"No you were worried. I wasn't worried you were!" Zakari pointed at Utakata, who ruffled his hair.

I smiled. "Sorry it took so long, I fell asleep actually."

"Lazy." Utakata ruffled my hair as he had Zakari's.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for watching him for me Ukitake. What did you want for dinner?" I asked.

Utakata looked around the room and then his eyes found me. He opened his mouth, then-

"Hey Utakata can we have waffles? Please? Please? Mommy's already got Whip Cream."

Utakata smiled. "Sure thing Zak." He took a seat at the bar and waited for me to get started.

"Er, yeah. Okay then." I opened up a cupboard to find the right ingredients.

"Hey Zak, you know what I think?"

"What?" Asked Zakari.

"I think mom should wear an apron. Will you ask her?"

I nearly dropped the bag of flour I was holding. My eye twitched.

Zakari giggled. "Mommy!"

"Y-yes?" I stammered.

"Can you wear an apron please?" He asked.

I turned and caught one look of that devious face, wincing. "What a pity that I don't have one."

"Aw man." Zakari pouted.

"Actually, I think you do, mom." Utakata smirked. "Try looking in the drawers."

I didn't know if I wanted to kill him or if I found that smirk adorable.

Reluctantly, in the third drawer I opened I found a baby blue apron. I strapped it on and turned around to show Zakari.

"I like it." Said Zakari.

"Me too." Said Utakata.

I rolled my eyes, looking down. In light blue cursive letters it said on the chest-

"Messy but cute. A perfect phrase for you huh?" Utakata propped his head up on one elbow.

They watched as I cooked, neither having input other than an occasional smart remark.

I placed the first one made in front of Zakari, topping it with whipped cream.

The next batch I split between Utakata and I. "Whipped cream?" I asked.

He nodded. "Do you have any cherries?"

I checked the fridge. "Only canned ones. I have some fresh rasberries though." I offered a carton.

He took them and placed one on the top of the whipped cream pile.

I dressed mine up and added a few rasberries myself.

Utakata took my hand. "You got juice on you." He remarked.

I laughed and pointed to the apron. "Messy." I said.

"But cute." He took my finger and placed it in his mouth. "And sweet."

Zakari watched with confusion before reaching over and taking Utakata's hand.

I watched in amusement as Utakata let go of my hand and Zakari put one of Utakata's fingers in his mouth, biting.

I laughed at Zakari's face. "Salty." He complained. "Hands don't taste good."

Utakata threw his head back with a laugh.

I kissed the top of his head. "You're too precious"

"I'm not precious!" Zakari objected.

I shared a smile with Utakata and laughed with him. Every day seemed to be better than the last.

* * *

><p>Utakata and Zakari played together after dinner while I cleaned up. Eventually Utakata was able to get the hyper boy to go to bed. I yawned. "Must be the weather, I'm always tired and cold."<p>

"Yes. Quite miserable." He agreed, looking out a window. "Another day I will invite you to my apartment There is a gas fireplace installed."

"Seriously? Does it get warm?" I asked.

"Feels like the real thing, only without a mess."

"I shouldn't be surprised. That seems to fit you." I took of the apron and threw it in the laundry. "Did you want something to drink?"

"Tea." He took a seat on the couch. "I went to an Audition two days ago."

"For a movie?" I asked as I took a seat next to him.

"Yes. I auditioned for a lead male role in _Walking Among Pages_."

"Seriously? I heard the first movie, _Walking Among Songs_ was a huge hit, apparently it was the top seller last year. If you get the part you won't have to live in this apartment anymore."

"I might not though. With minimal acting ability I am relying on my existing fame and sex appeal."

"You'll get the part. I know you will." I cheered him on. "You're working really hard. I have to step up my game too."

"How?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm, well they want me to walk in Miu Miu's spring show. I'm thinking if I maybe one up a little before then I might get a contract with someone big you know?"

Utakata leaned back and took a long sip of his drink. "There's no where to go but up."

I nodded and took another sip. "Well, school tomorrow. Maybe I'll see you?"

Utakata nodded. "I'll stop by and see if you're home."

I smiled. "Thanks for today."

He let me walk him to the door. "The waffles were good. Cook for me again."

"Mhm. Just tell me when." I waved as he left, shutting the door and returning to my room. The picture was where I had left it, on my bed.

"Let's see what you decide Gaara..."


	21. Bonds

"Zena!" Cried Naruto, running through the halls. "Guess what?"

"Hm?" I turned around, shutting my locker.

"Here." Naruto grabbed a textbook of the top of my pile. "We have first period together so I can carry some."

I nodded a thanks. "Where are your books?"

Naruto grinned and rubbed the back of his head. "Er, well I kind of forgot them at home. Chemistry's so hard anyways! There's no way I can pass."

"Did you ask Shikamaru for help?" I asked.

"He told me to memorize the textbook." Naruto crossed his arms. "For such a brainy jerk he sure can't teach."

I covered my mouth to stifle a giggle. "What was this big news you had for me?"

"Gaara called it off." He grinned big.

"What off?"

We reached the classroom and he took a seat at a table with me. They were set up to fit sets of four. "The game. I heard Sasuke asking Gaara who their next target was."

"Do you mean they're not targeting me? Or have they stopped completely?" I wondered.

"Completely. Gaara said he was sick of it. And when Sasuke and Hidan tried to argue with him Pein stepped in."

"P-Pein?" I stuttered.

"Yeah. Pein started talking about the Sound Cult and how they had to prepare for a war or something. That they didn't have time to target people."

We sat next to each other and I opened my textbook, thinking. "That's good then. But what's this Sound Cult?"

"Oh another school, Oto, they're trying to challenge Gaara's gang. They've been at it for a while. They have some tough people in their ranks. Sakon and Ukon are twins and the leader. Jirobo, Kidomaru, and Tayuya are the only other notable members."

"Sounds scary. I wouldn't want to get involved." I laughed nervously.

"Eh? Never thought you were a coward!" Naruto nudged my side.

I laughed. "I'm not a fighter."

He leaned back in this chair, tipping it and balancing on the hind legs. "I don't think that's true Zena. You're a real good fighter."

I was about to ask him to clarify, as I'd never hit anybody in my life, when he fell backwards with a crash. I winced.

"Are you okay Naruto?" I asked, leaning over. "You really shouldn't do that."

He just grinned up. "It's impossible for me to get hurt, believe it!" He game me a thumbs up.

I rolled my eyes. Naruto was definitely the fighter here.

Then, they entered.

The entire classroom went quiet as the Shukaku walked slowly in. Everyone was holding their breath and waiting, wondering.

Deidara, Hidan, Sasori, Gaara, Sasuke, and Pein.

Looking around I noticed that their were only six open seats. Two across from Naruto and I, and an empty table.

Naruto and I exchanged looks.

Then I looked at Gaara. His eyes met mine and held for a moment.

My heart sped up. He was walking over to our table. I tried to busy myself with opening my textbook and finding the right page. Tried to pretend I didn't hear chairs scraping or Naruto's small acknowledgement.

I looked up. Gaara and Pein had taken the seats across from us. You could have heard a pin drop.

"Er..." I started nervously and then looked down again. What was there to say? It was so awkward you could feel the tension.

"Naruto, Wednesday at seven, will you help us?" Asked Gaara.

I peeked up curiously.

"Eh? What with?" Naruto scrunched up his eyes.

"That is when our battle with the sound is to be taken place. We are outnumbered currently. Apparently they called for help from the Cloud and Rock."

Naruto rubbed his forehead. "Who else is gonna be there?"

"Sasuke, Hidan, Sasori, Neji, Shino, Deidara, Hidan, Zabuza, Kisame, and Kiba. Shikamaru is devising a plan." Said Gaara.

"Konan and I will fight this time." Said Pein.

I glanced at Pein. I'd never heard of him or Konan actually fighting. A small part of me wanted to see. A bigger part knew how stupid that was. Once, a rumor spread that the reason nobody had seen Pein fight seriously was because he'd never left anyone alive to report on it. Probably just a rumor...

I was hoping so at least. His eyes met mine and I looked down. It wasn't that I was scared.

I was just... a little terrified of that man.

"Ah, well if you're gonna fight Pein it must be seriously. I'll help out!" Naruto grinned.

"Naruto..." I said softly.

"Ah don't be worried Zena. I'm unbeatable remember?" He laughed.

I sighed in defeat. Naruto was something else.

Class started and I found myself stealing glances at Gaara. He still hadn't told me what he thought. No word about yesterdays events. Did he plan to ignore me for the rest of the school year?

The rest of the day passed exactly like that up until the bell rang.

Gaara stood by the front entrance looking through his bag for something. I shouldered mine uncomfortably and took a deep breath.

I stopped in front of him.

He looked up at me, closing his bag even though he hadn't pulled anything out. He leaned against the rail. We were alone.

"Thanks for locking my door." I whispered.

"Do you have work today?" He asked.

I swallowed, rubbing the back of my head. "Oh, er, no."

"Do you have to pick up Zakari."

"He's spending the day with Utakata. So I can go to the Gym after school." I said.

Silence.

Gaara pulled his car keys out of his pocket and twirled them in his hand. "Come with me then."

He looked as nervous as I felt. His cool demeanor was cracking and my hands were sweating despite the snow. Slowly I nodded and let him lead the way to his car.

After he pulled out of the parking lot and got on the main road I turned to him. "Gaara, wh-"

"Shh." He silenced me.

Oddly enough, I obeyed and let him drive to the outskirts of town and turn into a long driveway. He drove past two statues of lions and up to a very immense and quite nice house.

"Is this..." I hesitated.

"Mine." He got out of the car and I took the cue. We walked inside together.

Though grand, I didn't like his house. It was dark and depressing. "It's nice." I whispered.

It was that kind of house, the kind you wanted to whisper in.

He continued to walk, turning down hallways and finally stopping in front of a plain wooden door. He opened it to reveal a room I assumed was his.

It was clean. No personality to it. A boring room. A boys room. No posters or action figures or even a television. It wasn't even depressing looking. Nothing. It seemed a bit lonely.

Gaara walked to a plain wooden desk and opened the drawer. He pulled out a small box and placed it on the bed. Opening it, I peered over his shoulder to see what was inside.

On top was a picture. A copy to the one I held.

He removed it. Next he took out a light blue bracelet that had been hand made.

"Remember?" He asked.

I took it and nodded. I'd made it in school and given it to him.

Next was a small yearbook. He flipped it open to the kindergartner section. Zena Sirota and Gaara Sabaku were right next to eachother. I was smiling and he had a blank look.

"Ah, we looked so innocent didn't we?" I sighed.

He nodded, putting the book down. There were other small trinkets in the box but he didn't focus on them.

"I kept these." He said. "Never knowing why, just unable to let go."

I sat down on the bed beside him. "For the same reason I kept my photo."

Gaara nodded. "Even though it was horrible-"

"-Those times, were still the happiest I ever had." I smiled.

"I want to blame someone for the way it turned out."

I wrapped an arm around my knees, bringing them up to my chest. "Blame me."

"I do. But I blame my parents, and yours more." He angled his body so he was looking at me.

I looked down. "It was still my choice."

"But," Gaara placed the items back in the box. "It doesn't make much sense to blame you at this point. If I had known what your father was threatening back then, I would have broken off the friendship myself. If I had known he'd one day- that he'd-"

His eyes were on my legs and I shifted uncomfortably. "I should have told you the truth. The real reason or something."

"We can't change the past." Said Gaara.

We nodded and silence engulfed us. I thought maybe I'd leave when he spoke.

"How many?" He asked.

"What?"

"How many cuts are there." He motioned to my legs.

The question stung. I did not want to think about the scars that man left. I'd never bothered to count them. "I don't know." I whispered.

Gaara got on his knees on the bed, taking my shoulders in his. He pushed me back firmly, but without excessive force. I went with it, lying on my back. Goosebumps rose when he unbuttoned the jeans I was wearing and slid them down and off.

"Gaara..." I said with a small voice of protest.

He paid no attention, forcing my knees apart and looking at my inner thighs once more. He ran his finger over the cuts.

"I want to count them." He said.

A blush spread over my cheeks.

He was silent for a minute and I looked away. Then I felt the grip on my knee tighten. I looked back at Gaara.

He looked up at me. "There's too many to count..." He said.

I pursed my lips.

Tighter and tighter his grip grew. "So many. How could- how could someone- that he touched you so many times..."

"Disgusting isn't it?" I laughed, closing my eyes. "I'm disgusting aren't I? Ruined. What a brilliant curse."

I felt Gaara's weight shift, the bed moving down as he positioned himself over me, between my legs and my chest brushing his.

When I opened my eyes his were inches away.

"Isn't the prince supposed to break the curse?" He asked.

Then he kissed me. It was not like the last kiss we shared. This one was honest, packed with emotion. Unlike any kiss I'd had before. Gaara wrapped an arm under me and flipped us over, so he would not crush me under his weight. I doubt he even would have. The weight of someone you felt attached to couldn't be uncomfortable.

The longer we kissed, the more it deepened. A bond was being formed. His arms were now wrapped completely around me, moving slowly along my back. Then, I pulled back a little and let out a small laugh.

He returned it, looking up at me.

What had happened to us? I still did not know where we stood. Enemies or friends or nothing.

But kissing him would be nice again.

We were seconds from joining lips again when someone knocked on the door.

"Hey Gaara you've got mail." Announced the voice.

"Ignore him." Gaara whispered, holding me against him when I tried to get up.

Neither one of us was prepared for the doorknob to twist and two figures to be standing there when it opened.

Gaara let out a growl. "Kankuro, Temari! Get out!"

I tried to get up but if anything Gaara was just holding me tighter against him. I hid my face in his shoulder.

Kankuro dropped the mail he was holding in his hand.

The door slammed shut again.


	22. Back to Basics

Temari and Kankuro sat across from Gaara and I. Their sitting room was as large as the rest of the house, with two light moss green couches framing a small black coffee table. Gaara was glaring at his siblings and I was trying to look anywhere but at them.

Kankuro had already demanded to be told just what he missed in the 24 hours since Gaara and I discovered our identities. Temari... well I never planned for our reunion to be like this.

"Um, do you want something to eat?" Temari offered awkwardly.

"No thank you." I shook my head and finally built up my courage. " Um, you look good."

"Thanks." She rubbed the back of her head and we fell into silence again.

"Maybe I should get going." I offered nervously. I wasn't feeling 100% welcome. "Zakari's probably worried."

"Zakari?" Asked Temari.

"Oh. My little brother."

"You have a brother now?"

"Mhm. I'm taking care of him. Like you I guess." I smiled.

She made a 'tch' noise with a small smile. "A lot has changed huh?"

Kankuro looked between Gaara and I. "So... what happened?"

"We talked." I said slowly.

"Looks like you did a lot more than that." Kankuro coughed.

Gaara rolled his eyes. "Look, she explained why she left all those years ago."

The siblings leaned in. Temari looked a tad upset. "Are you going to tell us Zena? You were our friend too, all those years ago. Then you suddenly disappear and we find you years later, with a little brother. Where are your parents?"

This wasn't comfortable for me. I hated telling my story. I hadn't wanted Gaara to find out. I was too ashamed to tell his siblings. I opened my mouth to tell them my thoughts, that I didn't want them to know, when I was stopped.

"She had to leave." Said Gaara.

All eyes snapped on him. I sent him a threatening look which he either did not see, or was ignoring.

"Her step father threatened her if she didn't leave. He threatened her mother too. She had to." He looked disinterested.

The siblings looked confused. "What kind of a threat?"

"Abuse at first. Then after they moved and she got a little older, r-"

"Gaara." I interrupted with a red face. "Please."

"What happened when you got older Zena?" Asked Temari with concern.

I said nothing. Closing my eyes I tried to block out the words Gaara said next.

"He upped his game. Raped her until she escaped. She took her brother with her, parents are in jail, and she's living here." He said.

Temari and Kankuro said nothing. Gaara had spoken without emotion. He was blocking his right then, and the only thing that let me know he even had them was the way he had placed just his small finger over mine, pressing down. That small comfort was enough to keep my anger and shame down.

Temari recovered first. She practically flung herself across the coffee table and wrapped her arms around me. "You little shit. Why didn't you tell us?"

Not the reaction I had expected. Gaara sent her an annoyed look.

"Seriously Zena? That's so fucked." Kankuro's face was distorted with anger.

"You're okay now thought right?" Temari pulled back. "Are you eating okay? You look thin. How are you supporting yourself? Kids aren't cheap. Do you have a job? Do you need a job? A place to stay? Do you have any relatives h-"

"Temari." Gaara uninterrupted. "You're suffocating her."

Temari pulled back enough to let me breath. "Ah, right. Sorry."

"I'm doing good Temari. I'm working as a model for Itachi's company. I've got a pretty nice apartment. Er, no relatives but I have a helpful neighbor."

"I'm glad. Gosh, I don't know what to think of all this. I'm glad you and Gaara made up." Said Temari, now shoving herself between us.

Gaara and I shifted.

"You have made up right?" Asked Kankuro.

Gaara and I met eyes. Then I stiffed a giggle. This felt like when you were a little kid at school, and got in a fight and the teachers would make you sit down and talk it out.

Even Gaara smiled a bit, seeming to have the same train of thought.

"Something-" I started.

"Has been resolved." He finished. We shared eye contact once more.

It wasn't completely resolved, but from here we both understood things could go either way.

* * *

><p>"Temari wanted me to tell you that if you ever need a babysitter, she's good with kids. Or so she thinks." Said Gaara. He'd driven me home and now stood in front of my door with me.<p>

"She probably just wants to meet Zakari." I smiled.

Gaara nodded in clear agreement. He took out his phone and looked around before bringing his full attention back to me.

"So..." He started.

We were back to square one. The ground had evened out with the wrongs we committed against one another. Our story could go in any direction.

"Starting over?" I asked.

"The past forgiven."

"The past forgotten." I agreed. I took out my phone, fiddling with it for a moment before handing it to Gaara.

He pressed rapid buttons on both mine and his and after a minute he handed it back. I shoved it back in my pocket. It had been a while since Tobirama had demanded I get one, but I still hadn't a clue how to work technology. After seeing the way Gaara lives I was not surprised he was familiar with such luxury products.

"What now?" He asked.

"I have to pick up Zakari." I said.

"Tomorrow, do you have a shoot?" He asked.

I nodded yes. "A purse ad with Utakata."

Gaara shoved his hands in his pocket and looked away. "I see."

"B-but it will probably be over by ten." I sputtered.

Gaara picked his head up. "If you want, Temari could watch Zakari for you. While you work."

I nodded. "I'd like that."

"Right."

"Night."

"Mn." He grunted.

We parted ways awkwardly, but with a smile.


	23. Kiss me

Gaara kept his promise. To the surprise of the members of his gang, he actually sat besides me in all of our similar classes. We didn't say much to one another. That was the most interesting thing. We seemed to have this ability to know what the other was thinking. Half the time that we did speak, we were were finishing each others sentences.

"Hey Zena?" Naruto asked me in health class, the last class of the day. "What's going on with Gaara?"

I rubbed the back of my head. "We decided to make peace I guess."

Naruto blinked in surprise. "Really?" He grinned. "That's great!"

Only Naruto wouldn't judge something like that. Others would be suspicious but Naruto's simplicity was what made it so easy to be friends with him.

"I can't believe we only have like, six months until school is out." Naruto was saying as we left the classroom. "I still haven't convinced Sakura to go out on a date with me." He wined.

"Well, isn't she going on to Konoha University?" I asked.

"Ah yeah she's wanting to be a medic." He yawned.

"Aren't you going to try for a degree there in justice?"

Naruto scratched his chin. "I mean, I always wanted to be a police officer or a politician you know, but university seems really hard."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I think you could do it." I put my hand on his shoulder and offered a small smile.

Naruto gave one of his signature grins. "Of course! What am I saying." He laughed. "I'll be a senator one day! Then the president! Believe it!"

I giggled. So energetic that it made me a little jealous. Everyone had their dreams.

"Zena." Gaara called from behind us.

Naruto and I turned. "I'll see you to tomorrow Naruto? Sleep well. You have that fight right?"

He laughed, brushing my concern off and bounding down the hall when he saw Sakura and Hinata a little ways away.

Gaara and I walked out of the building together in the same silence that had engulfed us the entire day. We headed for his car, only stopping when some members of his gang called out in the parking lot.

"Hey Gaara!" Hidan called. "Do you think those Sound bastards are gonna bring weapons?"

Gaara switched course and I, very reluctantly, had to follow him. It was so different. Now not one of the gang members acknowledged my existence. I gripped my schoolbag tightly.

"Mhm." Gaara agreed. "They're sneaky."

"Should we bring some?" Asked Sasuke.

Gaara looked at Pein and they seemed to be sharing a silent conversation.

"We won't need them." Pein said at last. The gang looked at Gaara and he nodded. That was it.

I looked around at the gang. I never noticed before, but they truly did respect Gaara as a leader. However, it seemed Gaara relied on Pein's opinion often. In fact, he was almost always present when any major decisions were made. Was that because Pein was their strongest fighter?

I'd never understand the inner workings of something like a gang. I was a solo player.

Gaara touched my arm to bring me back to reality. The gang was separating already.

"Hey Gaara." I said.

"Yeah?"

"Tomorrow's fight, you'll be okay right?"

"Would you care if I wasn't" He quirked an eyebrow.

I shot him an angry look.

He let out a chuckle. "There's a reason I'm a leader."

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm being stupid."

* * *

><p>After the shoot was over, Gaara picked me up.<p>

"Sorry it went a little late." I apologized, looking at the 10:32 on the car dash.

"It's no problem. Temari put Zakari to bed in the spare room."

"Was he any trouble? It's the first time I've left him alone with someone he doesn't know."

"He was fine. At first he missed you, but then Kankuro showed him the puppets he made."

"Oh?"

"I think you have a mini Kankuro on your hands Zena." Gaara smiled.

I laughed. "Oh great." Puppets huh? Never imagined Zakari to discover that hobby.

Gaara drove through town, stopping at the side of a nearly deserted town square. I quirked an eyebrow.

"Have you ever been to Voodoo Doughnut's?" He asked.

I shook my head no.

"Come." He got out of the car.

"But I'm not dressed well." I objected. I was wearing skinny jeans, booties, and a gray jacket, but the problem was more my face. I still had some makeup from the shoot on and my hair was pulled into a plain ponytail. I was a little conscious of my look.

"You look nice." Said Gaara, pulling me out of the car. I followed him into the shop. It was a little hipster place. The doughnuts were what caught my eye.

"Interesting hm?" Asked Gaara.

There were dozens in a revolving display case. There were some with cereal on them, a few regular, and others quite unique. I leaned over so I could see better. A maple bar with bacon on it caught my eye. "Interesting."

"Very interesting." Gaara leaned besides me and rubbed his chin. I laughed and playfully shoved him away. He caught my hand and didn't let go. "Which one do you want?"

"I'm not really supposed to eat sweets." I admitted.

Gaara gave me a look. I laughed. "What?"

"Hello!" A shopkeeper rang, coming up from the back. "How are you?"

"Good and you?" I answered.

"Great! Thanks for asking." He smiled. He looked us over and then at the display case. "You know tonight is Two for Tuesday."

"Huh?" I asked.

"See that long doughnut twist on top?" He pointed to a very long and thin sugar glazed doughnut on the top display case. "If a couple can finish it without using their hands in under 80 seconds it's free." He said.

I turned red.

"So, want to try the challenge?" He raised an eyebrow, leaning against the counter.

I shook my head. "It's too big!"

"When was the last time someone beat the challenge?" Asked Gaara.

The shopkeeper laughed. "I can't even remember."

Gaara looked at me, then at the doughnut. "Let's try it."

"It's high in calories." I reminded him of my profession.

"I'll help you work it off later." He smirked.

Turning a brilliant shade of pink, I turned to the shopkeeper. "Er yeah, we'll try it." I stumbled.

He seemed to think that was the cutest thing ever. "Here you are! Join hands in front, no touching the doughnut." He removed the doughnut.

Gaara and I put our hands together. The doughnut was placed in front of us and we started. I looked at Gaara and couldn't help but laugh a quarter of the way through. He started doing the same. Turned out the doughnut had a cream filling. I tried my best to stifle the laughter and eat fast, but it was becoming clear why no couple had finished the challenge.

"Time!" The shopkeeper called before we had managed to finish it. We dropped the rest of the doughnut, both of us sugared out.

"It was a nice try though." He assured us. Gaara handed over some money for the doughnut.

"Here, some coffee on the house." He offered us two cups. We took them with a thank you and Gaara led the way out, still holding my hand.

Downtown was rather empty and the street lights lit it up with a nice hue. We stopped by the Hokage's fountain. Gaara pulled me in. "You've still got a little cream on your lip." He said.

One hand was busy with coffee, and the other was in Gaara's. I tried to pull my hand away but Gaara pulled back on it, forcing me to stumble forward a little. His lips crashed down on mine. It felt so natural that resisting didn't come to mind.

"Well, isn't this cute."

Gaara and I pulled apart so we could see the man who'd dared interrupt us.

Or perhaps it would more accurate to say men. Gaara held me tighter as we looked upon two boys with identical faces.

"Sakon. Ukon." Gaara spat.

"This your new kitten Gaara? How cute." Said one.

Gaara let out a small growl.

Sakon. Ukon. I'd heard those names before, but I could not remember when or why.

"Can we play with the little kitty?" The same twin taunted. "When you loose tomorrow."

The twin took a step forward and I felt Gaara tense, prepared to move.

"Ukon. Save it for tomorrows fight." The other twin said.

Ukon stopped, looking between his twin and Gaara. "Tch, fine. See you later Gaara. Byebye kitty."

Gaara did not turn until Ukon and Sakon were out of site.

"Are they the ones you fight tomorrow?" I asked.

"Mn. Yeah. The leaders." He answered.

I sighed. We walked back to the car wordlessly. Neither of us seemed to know what to say.

"If you ever see them on your own, run." Said Gaara once we were inside the car and driving to his house.

Rolling my eyes, I pushed his shoulder. "Do I look stupid to you? They didn't exactly look like they wanted to be friends."

"That was stupid of me." Said Gaara. "I marked you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're a target now. If they catch you on your own..."

I rolled my eyes again. "Gaara, I'm never on my own. I'm always with either you or Naruto, who could easily beat them. With Tobirama who they couldn't touch for fear of going to jail for life, or with Utakata who I'm pretty sure could hold his own. He blocked a punch from Sasuke remember?"

"Be careful still." He said.

"I always am."

"Wasn't it just a few weeks ago I had to save you from an alley?" He reminded me.

"T-that's different." I crossed my arms in a pout.

Clearly he had won that debate and proved his point.

"Temari?" Gaara called when we entered the house.

She flung down the stairs. "Shh! He's sleeping."

I smiled and followed her up the stairs into a spare bedroom. Tucked into the covers and holding a little wooden puppet was Zakari.

I sat on the bed with him and made sure the blankets were secure.

"He was a sweetie." Temari assured me.

I smiled. "Thanks for watching him. I owe you."

"Not a problem."

Gaara looked over my shoulder at Zakari. "Stay here tonight." He said.

"I couldn't impose." I whispered back.

"I don't want you to disturb him is all." He crossed his arms.

I looked at Zakari and then up at Gaara.

"Just for tonight then."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

Some more of that sweet sweet fluff for you. Soak it up while it's still here.

No! I can't spoil!

Finally figured out where I'm going with this story though. *Gets protective gear on* I'm preparing myself for the flames now.


	24. Lovely

**Lemon up ahead. As if you didn't know one was coming.**

* * *

><p>Gaara took my hand and led me down the hallway away from Zakari's room.<p>

"Do you have another spare bedroom?" I asked.

No answer.

For some reason my heart was beating irregularly. I tightened my hold on Gaara's hand and recognized the door he opened. The door to his plain bedroom.

A second after the door closed, we stood facing each other with an agreement passing in our eyes. We moved together and for the second time that night our lips met. What a sadistic couple we must have been. After all the drama we went through, this was how it ended up.

He pushed me back against the door, which protested loudly at the force. Easily he lifted me, frantically kissing, and carried us both to his bed. Despite how soft it was I felt it when he tossed me back onto it. He didn't waste much time before hovering over me, his hands searching for the front of my coat.

He worked it off as I removed his. We only broke apart once.

"Told you I'd help you burn the calories off." He reminded.

I looked away in embarrassment. He kissed my neck, his hands finding my jeans. I kicked off my heels.

Gaara bit my neck and the moan I released was a mixture of bittersweet pain from his bite, and a tingling sensation as his hand wound its way into my jeans. He licked the mark and nibbled up to my ear.

"Gaara," I mumbled, winding my way down his stomach to his own pants, feeling how tight they were becoming.

He took my hands and led them up to his mouth, kissing the palms. "Mine." He murmured.

He kissed up my arms, my neck, eventually lifting my shirt but not removing it completely. I gasped when he found my breast.

"Mine." He whispered again.

I couldn't agree more. He never removed my shirt, or even my pants. Those were slid down only to my knees. As soon as his prize was revealed he went in for the kill, exploring with a practiced tongue. Gaara was able to tell how much he affected me from the growing wetness.

"Mine."

"Yours." I agreed.

I looked at the ceiling until my eyes closed on their own. My back arched, resisting the urge to squirm away. It was hard to breath.

"Wider." Gaara said, finally moving my pants and underwear all the way off. He pushed my legs and I felt so vulnerable and nervous, exposed to him. And nothing mattered but the feeling of his mouth bringing heights I hadn't known.

His hand brushed the scars inside my thigh. I hadn't though about how scary it might be. How the last time I'd been this close to a man it had been painful and forced.

Gaara was nothing like that. The way he touched me, though firm, was tender and soft at the same time. It was lovely.

"Oh God." I wound my hands into the sheets. "Gaara."

"Look at me." He said.

I couldn't. I really did try, but no part of my body was obeying me. Gaara took the a very sensitive nub between his teeth, warning.

Slowly I forced my eyes opened and looked down my body at him. His darkly rimmed eyes met my lighter ones. I couldn't decipher his expression, and the more he moved his tongue, the less likely it would be I'd remember it for another day.

I had to look away. "Gaara." I moaned again. "It's too much."

He liked that response. The way he gripped my legs tighter spoke that much. He stopped and started to find his way back up to my neck, where he buried his face in my hair. I heard his belt click and something unzip.

There was not even a second of panic. No second thoughts. Just Gaara and I becoming one. He lifted my hips and started to slowly force himself in.

Gaara's breathing became irregular halfway. "I don't think I can be gentle Zena." He warned.

I gripped his back tightly. "Yours." I reminded him.

He thrust himself the rest of the way and left no time to adjust. Pain came, making me tense but as soon as my body realized just what he was doing the pain melted and something else rose to replace it.

My voice was released and I was unaware what I was moaning. Blocking out all but the sound of my name from his lips, his from mine, and the way our breaths mingled together in a sultry melody.

Each thrust, though unrestrained and powerful, brought me to a new height of ecstasy. I never understood the phrase "A magical night" until then. It _was_ magical though, because such a feeling shouldn't have existed in our world. As the pleasure rose to that blinding height I was forced to let go of it, no matter how much I desperately wanted to keep it.

Gaara's movements became even more frantic and rugged after my release. He raked his hands down my sides to my wrists, holding them down and feeding his desire for dominance. Then with a final murmur of my name, he succumbed to the same feeling of ecstasy.

His movements slowed and eventually stopped, both of us coming down from the high and back into the real world.

Gaara didn't seem to know what to say, and no words really needed to be spoken after that. He finally removed my shirt and let his follow suit so that there was nothing separating us. We flipped over and I lay on his chest, eyes closing.

He ran his hands through my hair until finally, I drifted off.

* * *

><p>Gaara woke me early the next morning. Both of us were still naked but our body heat warded off the chilly air. Gaara looked up at me, sharing a chaste kiss. He stood first, tossing a white button up at me, then a pair of boxers.<p>

"So they don't think I made you sleep in your clothes." He explained. "Also, I wanted to see what you looked like in them."

I raised an eyebrow but slipped on what he had handed me. He dressed himself in a pair of pants and helped me out of bed. Another kiss was exchanged. "There's a dent in the wall." He pointed.

I saw where he was pointing. Behind his headboard-where it must have hit the wall-was a small indent. I pursed my lips to stifle a laugh. "Oops."

"Worth it." He said. We left his room, our clothes still strewn across the room. When we got to the kitchen, we were a little surprised that everyone else was already up. Kankuro and Temari both had bags under their eyes but Zakari looked as cheerful as ever.

Gaara handed me a cup and filled it with coffee. Kankuro sent us both a look.

"Did Zakari wake you two up? You look a little tired." I said.

Temari smirked. "I never knew you two were so religious."

"Huh?" I looked at Gaara.

"Shutup Temari." Gaara growled.

"That's what we wanted to tell you last night. Did you put a hole in the wall or something?" Kankuro put his head in his hands.

It clicked and I tried to hide my blush in the coffee cup.

"I'll call a repairman. It isn't a large hole." Gaara admitted.

My hand found its way to my forehead, only able to imagine his siblings reactions.

"Oh! Mommy and I saw a repairman once!" Zakari interrupted the awkwardness. "He drove an escapader!"

"Excavator Sweetheart. And that was a construction worker, not a repairman." I kissed the top of Zakari's head. "Come on, let's get your stuff together. It's time for mommy to go to school."

"Can I come over again and play with the puppets?" Zakari asked me eagerly.

I looked up at Kankuro, who-while still avoiding my eyes-ruffled Zakari's hair. "Sure thing Squirt. Next time I'll show you how I make them."

"Oh boy! I can't wait!" Zakari squealed.

"Told you. A little Kankuro." Gaara shook his head.

I groaned.


	25. Wounds Can Heal

Tobirama made time after school Wednesday in order to see both Utakata and I. He seemed to have something important to say because he summoned us to a small cafe downtown with a text that left no margin for excusing ourselves.

Utakata picked me up from school then, and the two of us drove to the laughing planet, the designated meeting spot.

"Any idea what it's about?" I asked.

Utakata shook his head no. When we walked in the white haired model was sitting in a corner booth that protected him from outside view. Utakata and I joined him.

"Yo." He greeted us both. "How are the shoots?"

"They are going really well." I smiled. Utakata nodded in agreement.

Tobirama took a sip of a drink in front of him. He scanned the both of us with his calculating eyes, and seemed to finally strengthen his resolve. "The reason I called you here wasn't just for pleasantries. I have a proposition."

We waited patiently until he continued.

"I want to try something that has never been done before. Something that could either backfire, or something that could put our names in history." He gave us one last searching look.

"Pair models." He said at last. "Usually, it's rare for models to shoot together too often. They go by what the company wants. But Utakata has already made himself known for being picky and only working multiple times with you Zena. I want to expand on that."

"I'd call it, the Demon Duo. It would be an interesting story for the media. How 'the rising actor and famed Demon rank model, who was as slippery as a slug, finally was caught by the rising model sensation.' What do you think?"

"Well we already do a lot of shoots together." I pointed out.

"I don't see a problem in continuing to shoot together." Utakata nodded his head.

"I don't think you completely understand." Tobirama smiled. "What I am proposing is on a different scale. I mean complete loyalty to one another. I don't want the tabloids to find a picture of one of you without the other. Every shoot you do in a couple situation must be with the other one. Solo's are still expected, but I don't want to see Utakata embracing another girl on camera and I don't want Zena to be standing next to a different male."

Utakata leaned back, rubbing his chin. "So solo's are fine, but you don't want us to 'cheat' on each other so to say. This would have the media in an uproar."

Tobirama nodded. "Exactly. Don't agree just yet though. There's another part I'd like in order for this to work. Even in private, I'd like you two to be seen together. I meant it when I said I didn't want the tabloids to get a picture of one of you without the other. Even doing mundane tasks like grocery shopping or taking Zakari to the park. If I could, I'd even like you two to live together. However for now I'll let the last one slide."

I bit my lip in thought. "So... for publicity we basically act like twins?"

"Yes! Lovers, twins, best friends, everything that symbolizes a deep bond between two people." Tobirama held his breath.

Utakata looked at me and gave a small nod. "I'll do it."

I had no choice but to agree. "Inseparable then?"

Utakata put an arm around me. "mhm."

"Right. I'll leave it to you then." Tobirama stood to his full height and took a last sip of his drink.

Now alone, Utakata asked if there was anything I wanted to eat. We both agreed that neither was that hungry, wanting to leave the little Cafe. I was nervous for the fight Gaara was engaging in soon and didn't think I could stomach anything anyways. I hoped that those I cared about like Naruto and Shikamaru would be safe. The twins gave me a very creepy vibe.

"What do you think of the plan?" Utakata asked me.

We climbed into his car and he started to drive off.

"Zena?" He asked again.

I snapped out of my worried state. "Oh. I think it's smart. I don't mind it too much. I just hope it doesn't give people the wrong idea about us."

Utakata regarded me for a long minute. "There's someone you like?"

I nodded shyly. "Yes. But it isn't too serious I don't think. Still..."

Utakata reached over and touched the side of my neck. "It looks a little serious. Perhaps you should remind this person that as a model, you are paid to have a perfect body. Marks are not attractive."

I slapped my hand against my neck, eyes wide. I hadn't remembered that Gaara bit me. "Is it that obvious?" I asked.

"To a trained eye like Tobi or I? Yes."

I rubbed my neck. "That's a little embarrassing. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again." I promised.

Utakata parked his car and we clamored out. "Mhm."

"So any news on the role yet? I know it's soon and all." I asked.

"I got the part. Apparently there wasn't much competition." Even Utakata smiled, unable to hide his own excitement.

"That's great!" I grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "I told you didn't I?"

"You did." He agreed. He walked me to my door. "Where's Zakari?"

"Oh my pastor is watching him. He'll be dropped off later." I explained.

"I see." Utakata peered behind his shoulder. "Did you want to eat dinner together?"

I wanted to say yes, but I found myself gripping my phone in my pocket. It was six already. In an hour Gaara would start his fight.

"I'd love to, but there's something important going on tonight. I can't really stomach food right now. Maybe tomorrow night?" I offered weakly.

Utakata nodded. He didn't look upset or bothered at all. "I see. Well, tomorrow then. Perhaps we can go to a restaurant. We need to be seen together in public more."

"Good idea. Bye Utakata. Sleep well." I opened my door and slipped inside.

An hour passed and Zakari was dropped off. He was rather exhausted so by eight he was in bed. I stayed up, sitting on the couch and clutching my phone. Still no call.

Nine came and went.

Then ten. I tried to call Gaara but there was no answer.

I was close to panic mode, pacing the floor, when someone banged loudly on the door.

I fled to it and flung it open.

Gaara fell forward. I caught him, surprised by how light he was.

"G-Gaara?" I stammered. I helped him to my couch.

His shirt was drenched and red, a sickening smell coming from him.

"Oh my god." I gasped. "There's so much blood."

I was panicking. What was I supposed to do? Call 911?

Gaara pushed my hands away groggily. "Not mine." He said.

I hesitated. He didn't look good. His eyes were heavy lidded, his cheek had a scratch and I was sure there was more damage under his shirt. "Gaara..." I protested.

He shrugged. "I didn't want Temari to see me like this."

In a bold move, I gripped his shirt. "You're hurt though. Somewhere."

Gaara put up no fight and let me remove his drenched shirt. I tossed it aside and some of the sticky residue was on his stomach. My eyes instantly covered every inch of him.

"I'm fine." Gaara Growled.

But the cut on his chest spoke otherwise "Oh Gaara..." I sighed.

There was clearly a cut about a three inches long and still bleeding on his left peck. I was up on my feet, looking through the drawers for a washcloth, which I dampened with warm water and returned to his side. "You said you'd be fine..."

"I _am_ fine." He pushed my hands away.

I put them right back. "Hold still. I need to stop the bleeding. You idiot..." I cursed.

Gaara obeyed. He didn't say another word and let me continue to hold the towel against his cut. Finally, it seemed ready to clot over.

"Hold it tight." I ordered. I disappeared into the bathroom and emerged with a small first aid kit. From it I took Gauze and a large cloth bandage. I cleaned the wound a little better, applied disinfectant and made sure it was all secure.

"It should hold. You shouldn't move too much... did you drive here?"

Gaara nodded.

I took the cloth and began wiping the rest of his torso down. There were no other cuts asides from the small scratch on his cheek. For good measure I started applying a little disinfectant to it. "You're a pain Gaara. You know that?"

He smirked and caught my hand. "Mine." He kissed the palm.

I pulled it away. "Right now I'm not." I reprimanded. Then hesitantly I nodded to my room. "Did you want to spend the night here? I don't think you should be driving like this."

He looked like he might fall over. "Yes." He said.

I supported some of his weight and led him to my room. I set him down on the bed. "There we go."

He had that mischievous glint in his eyes. "I don't like sleeping in my clothes."

"Then take them off. I've already seen it all." I rolled my eyes. If he was trying to embarrass me he'd have to try harder.

"I'm too sore." He said.

Oh, there was no way in hell I was going to remove his pants for him. "I thought you were fine."

"I fought hard today." He said.

Still not happening.

He sighed and moved to sit up. He hissed in pain and laid back down. "I guess I overestimated myself."

I was pretty sure he was faking it, but blame it on the mother instincts. I reached out and unbuttoned his pants, yanking them off.

"Little shit." I mumbled.

Gaara smirked. "Boxers too."

"No." I sent him a dead look.

"The reason I got stabbed was because Ukon spoke about you. It distracted me..." He sighed.

I slapped the side of his head. "Nice try. I'm going to bed. I stayed up too late worrying about you."

Gaara sighed and as I climbed in besides him he rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm around my waste, pulling my body against his.

"Night Gaara."

He grunted a response.


	26. A Little Too Late

Time went quickly after the night Gaara came to me injured. The days melded into a tranquil melody. Zakari constantly asking to go see Kankuro's puppets and Utakata and I did numerous shoots together while he wasn't busy with the filming movie. Things were going well. Soon it was understood that Gaara and I were technically an Item. He never asked me out, I never said yes. It just melded into existence.

The days grew warmer and spring brought a new hope. With school almost over, it seemed things were finally falling into place. Gaara's gang hadn't laid a finger on anyone else, and since defeating the sound no other schools had challenged them.

"Gaara?" I called into my apartment building. I'd just finished a shoot with Utakata and Zakari was still with Kankuro. Kankuro was trying to teach the now four year old how to make puppets apparently. Of course the results weren't too great. But Zakari and Kankuro had made a small dog together which he slept with each night and hardly put down in the day.

No answer came. I set down my purse and turned on the lights, thinking that was odd. I searched my purse for my phone. There was one missed text from Gaara.

it read: "Meet me at Voodoo Doughnuts. I have a surprise."

I stared at it curiously. I sent him a response text, letting him know I was on my way. Voodoo wasn't more than a half mile walk. It was getting a little chilly out since the sun had gone down. I slipped a jacket over my dress. Before leaving I touched up my appearance in the mirror.

When did I become such a girl?

Probably since I discovered love.

I smiled to myself, walking down the deserted streets. The air was crisp and fresh from a recent spring shower.

"Kitty Kitty." Came a coo from behind me.

I spun around, breath catching in my throat.

There was no one there...

Shaking my head I turned back and continued to walk.

"Here kitty kitty."

That was the same voice. Still, I didn't see anyone.

"Who's there?" I stammered.

No response. I clutched my purse against my chest and picked up the pace. I wasn't too far away from the doughnut cafe.

"Don't run away kitty, we just want to play."

Now there was laughter. My feet picked up and I started to run through the streets. That little voice in my head that was supposed to warn me of danger was at full strength, red alert, get out now.

I could feel something getting closer, like running in a nightmare.

I closed my eyes and tried to block it all out. I was prepared to let out a scream when a hand grabbed me and my mouth was covered by something, no sound coming out.

A strong smell consumed all of my senses and a heaviness filled my head. Everything went black.

* * *

><p>"Wakey Wakey little Kitty."<p>

Something was touching my face.

"Come on, that's a good girl. Open those eyes."

Reluctantly I did so. What had happened? I was running and then-

I remembered. Panic swept me.

My hands were tied and I was propped up against a wall. Standing before me were two familiar twins. Behind them four more unfamiliar people stood.

"She's awake Sakon." One twin, the one patting my cheek, said to another.

"Bout time. You know how difficult it was to get you on your own kitty?" Asked Sakon

I gave him a dirty look. "This is illegal."

They laughed at me. "Don't hate us too much kay? We really didn't have a choice." Said Ukon.

"See, all's fair in war. And taking the pet of a rival is sure to bug him don't you think?" Finished the other.

I narrowed my eyes. Months ago Gaara had warned me. He told me that this could happen. I didn't believe him though. My palms were sweating. "You're holding me hostage?"

Ukon shook his head. "You don't get it do you?"

"We're not holding you hostage. It would be stupid for us to try and bargain with a man like Gaara. He'd just bring his gang and take you back. Haven't you seen all the Drama's on TV?" Sakon cackled.

"No. It's much smarter to take his pet, play with it a little, and give it back broken. Of course, we'll have to let him know it was us. Not till we're done though. We wouldn't want him to ruin the fun would we?"

My heart stopped. Were they planning on hurting me to get to him? Just for the sake of bothering him? No bargain? No hostage? Just to hurt him and no other motive?

And in just way did they want to hurt me? I thought of Gaara, waiting at the Cafe for me. How long had it been since I was drugged and taken?

How much longer would it be until Gaara noticed I was gone and started to worry? Till he figured out who had taken me? I doubted he'd suspect Sakon and Ukon. But he'd definitely come right? He'd notice in time? That was how it worked on TV.

"It won't bother him." I said.

Ukon rolled his eyes. "Don't play that card to save yourself."

I wasn't trying to save myself. I was buying time. Time for Gaara to find me.

"I'm telling the truth. We broke up ages ago. He's dating someone else now." I lied.

"Don't lie to us." Ukon gripped my chin roughly. "Do you think we wouldn't make sure you were his pet before taking you in kitty?"

I spat in his face.

And I received a slap as punishment.

"Just get it over with Ukon." A gang member in the background hollered.

"Shut up Kimimaro. If you're still not going to help us with her, you might as well keep watch outside."

"Whatever. This isn't my style." Kimimaro shrugged and took a seat.

I never believed in those fairy tales. In waiting for the prince to save the girl stuck in a tower. I wanted to help myself. But, I could recognize a lost cause. Six grown and dangerous men. Me, tied up in a corner at their mercy. I couldn't fight. I wasn't as smart as Shikamaru to devise a plan to trick them into releasing me. There were times when all you could do is wait and stall.

"W-what are you going to do?" I asked.

Keep them talking.

"I'd rather show you." Ukon moved in so close I could gag.

"You're disgusting." I glared.

He laughed and gripped my chin again, bringing his lips so close they brushed against mine when he spoke next. "This is the time when the hero's supposed to come isn't it? Right before-"

He forced his lips, disgustingly cold, against mine.

"Right before that happened. I guess he's not coming hm?" Ukon laughed.

He was right.

Gaara wasn't coming. He probably was just now heading to my house and knocking on the door, maybe giving me a call or two.

Not knowing what was happening in another part of town.

But I knew what was going on. There are some things you can't block out. I never expected this to happen again. After Gaara and I settled our differences I thought I was truly safe from all harm. I had such strong people supporting me, protecting me.

I had done nothing to protect myself though. I'd only relied on others. The end result?

Lying on the damp cement of god knows where, relying still on someone who couldn't help me.

* * *

><p>Gaara didn't make it in time. Hours, minutes, days, they were all confused. I knew from the way nobody had dozed off, that it hadn't been long though.<p>

I didn't have the energy to cry or scream. I would be wasting energy anyways. Nobody would hear me. It was a numb feeling, being thrust back into my past and reminding me of similar days I thought I'd escaped.

_Gaara... _I thought to myself, eyes closed. _Sorry. I'm so sorry._

"ZENA!"

Odd, that sounded so familiar. But it couldn't be real.

Curses rang out.

Perhaps it wasn't just my imagination. Sakon wasn't moving anymore. In fact there was no pressure on me. I opened an eye just enough to see. My senses seemed to come back to me.

Two figures engaged the six members of the sound.

A blue blur knocked one of them in her way down with a single stroke, her movements too fast to see. She descended on me, like an angel of sorts, lifting me and holding me against her.

The one left behind was a red head. Five against one wasn't a problem for him it seemed. It was over before I could see what had happened. Six figures were now crawling on the ground. It was unlikely any were dead, though the red on the floor gave reason to argue otherwise.

There wasn't a drop of blood on the red head. His hair was still in place. His numerous piercings whole and untouched. But his eyes held a deadly look in them.

I looked up at the angel who saved me. I felt nothing. No sorrow, no pain, no relief. Nothing. Just tired.

"Pein." She said. "Can you get through to Gaara."

"He hasn't picked up yet. We'll take her to his house."

I clutched onto Konan's jacket and hid my face.

They came.

But it was far too late to reverse the damage.


	27. MINE

Temari didn't ask questions when she saw me-covered only by Pein's jacket-being carried into her house. They let Konan carry me to a spare bedroom. She laid me down and Pein settled into a corner.

Konan wiped my cheeks with a wet towel. She placed a cool cloth on my forehead.

"Why?" I asked. Why was she helping me?

"This happened to me too." She said softly. "When I was fifteen, dating Pein. He picked a lot more fights back then. Like Gaara, you couldn't defeat him. So one gang, like the sound, decided to target that closest to him."

I looked between the two of them. So Konan understood. That was why she hadn't tried to say any comforting words. Why she didn't tell me it would be okay. She knew how it felt.

"But, you're being a lot calmer than I was." Konan admitted. She leaned against the bed.

I couldn't exactly tell her I'd had a lot of experience in this. That what Ukon and Saton did was familiar.

Konan covered me with the blankets. "Pein?" She whispered.

"Temari's trying to call him again." He said.

I shut my eyes, wanting to sleep and ignore all the pain. I knew this could be described as shock. It didn't feel like I was shocked though. I still couldn't feel anything.

"Mommy?"

I opened my eyes. Standing between Konan and Pein was Zakari. His bright eyes were wide with worry. He made his way to the bed.

"Hey Honey." I whispered. He crawled into bed besides me and I rolled onto my side.

"What's wrong mommy?" He clung onto me.

"Mommy's just tired." I said.

Zakari said nothing. Pein and Konan turned off the lights, letting me know to call them if they needed me. Before I drifted off, Zakari reached up and kissed the top of my head like I'd done for him so many times before.

That small act of love brought all the tears I'd resisted up till that point out. Silently they fell onto the blanket and took with them every bit of strength I had been using to stay awake.

* * *

><p>When I woke, someone was touching my face. My eyes, cheeks, lips.<p>

I cracked an eye open and saw Zakari looking up at me with wide and curious eyes, his fingers prodding my ears now.

It came back to me. Or more like it never left. All that Sakon and Ukon had done. The nightmares that engulfed my sleep. Sleep... I wanted to fall back into it.

But I couldn't just sleep away my problems. I couldn't break down. It was my job to be strong and never let Zakari know when something was wrong. He was a child. His job was to have fun and be happy. Something he could not do with me dragging him down.

I pulled him against me and kissed the top of his head. "I love you. So, so much."

Zakari pulled away. "No I love you more!" He chirped.

I kissed his forehead again. "You're precious."

He gave me a look of protest.

We lay still for a second.

Then the door opened a crack. Pein and Konan were back. Kankuro walked in behind them.

"Hey kiddo." He waved to Zakari."Want to see the new puppet I'm working on?"

Zakari hesitated.

I gave him a smile and a nod.

"Y-yeah!" Zakari crawled out of the bed and followed after Kankuro.

Konan set a pile of clothes, a robe, and a towel down. "I thought you might want to shower."

I nodded yes. Pein turned around respectfully and I slipped into the robe, following after Konan to the bathroom.

I showered for what felt like forever. Tears still didn't come. No feelings came. I let the water wash away all evidence. Finally the water started to loose heat and I turned it off. I sat on the edge of the tub and stared at the floor tile.

Where was Gaara? Did he ever pick up his phone? Did I want to see him?

I felt so lonely right then.

"Zena?" Konan called from the door.

I picked up the clothes, Temari's from their size and make, and slipped them on. Sweats and a T-shirt yet I still felt so vulnerable. I put the robe on over it. My eyes avoided the mirror at all cost.

When I walked out of the bathroom Konan was there. We walked in silence back to the same spare bedroom and I sat on the bed. It looked like Pein hadn't moved since I'd left.

"Where's Gaara?" I asked.

"Here." Said Konan.

"Oh..." I said, pulling my knees up to my chest. So he just hadn't come to see me? The feeling of loneliness was back. At least I was finally feeling something.

"Pein." Said Konan.

Pein gave her a nod and slipped out of the room.

Konan had never been talkative. She wasn't the kind of student who ever raised her hand in class. Occasionally she'd whisper something to Pein but that was it. She'd been a mystery. I couldn't understand her mind at all. Here she was though, comforting me in silence. Like when she had appeared in the dark. An angel.

The door opened again, this time two people walked in slowly. Pein stood in front, and lingering behind him was Gaara. When I happened to see him, I looked down immediately.

His eyes were void of anything. He had seen me, but he was looking right through me.

What was I expecting? Of course he didn't want to see me. Of course he was disgusted. I wished Pein hadn't retrieved him. Not since the first time Gaara held me had I felt so disconnected from him.

The look in his eyes made where we stood very clear. I felt my breath catch and chest tighten. The emotions were coming. I was terrified of them. I wasn't ready to feel yet. I was shaking from it.

I wasn't wanted there.

Slowly I pulled my head up and forced my body to move. It felt so cold and stiff and protested as I stood.

I felt everyone's eyes on me.

"Zena?" Konan reached to steady me.

I shook my head at her. "I- I should n-not be here. My phone? Do you have my phone?"

Konan pulled the black iPhone out of her pocket but didn't immediately hand it over. "Pein and I will let you and Gaara talk."

I shook my head again, reaching for the phone.

Konan let me take it from her.

My fingers were shaking so badly I couldn't unlock the screen.

Gaara was standing right there. I felt more vulnerable and exposed and cold than ever before. I wanted to curl up into a corner, pretend it wasn't happening.

More than that, I wanted Gaara to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was okay. But, just as he didn't get there in time to stop Ukon, he didn't move now.

"You should go home." Gaara finally said.

"Gaara!" Konan Gasped.

"And it would be best if... if you don't come back." Gaara ignored her.

Even I looked up in shock. For him to be so blunt about it was... crueler than I thought he could be.

Konan opened her mouth to say more when Pein stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder. He stood in front of Gaara, staring him down.

Then, Pein connected his fist with Gaara's cheek.

Gaara didn't block it. He took the full force and was knocked to the side, against the wall.

I covered my mouth in shock.

"Think before you speak Gaara." Pein spat. "Coward."

Gaara wiped his mouth and glared at Pein.

"Enough..." I whispered, holding my phone against my chest. "I get it."

Gaara was still focused on the ground.

I still clutched my phone tightly, but I wasn't shaking as much anymore.

"I get it. It's too much this time." I repeated. "I'm... disgusting aren't I?"

This was just like before. When he'd seen my scars. He was able to get over those. Probably because they were in the past and it had only been one person. He was able to forget about those. After two more had added their marks it must have been too much to stomach.

I sent Gaara a smile without bringing the courage to look at him. I doubted he'd even see it. "T-thanks for letting me stay here for the night."

I made my way out of the room and down the hall. I needed to find Zakari. Utakata was shooting his film in another city but I could call Itachi and ask him for a ride.

How sad. Still I was relying on people.

Someone grabbed my arm.

"Zena." Gaara said.

I froze.

"You're not." He whispered, out of breath.

I didn't move.

"You're not disgusting."

My eyes shut tight, trying to block everything out. "Stop." I gasped. I hated this. I was so confused. I didn't know what Gaara meant or wanted.

I pulled away from his grasp.

He let me pull away from his grip on my arm. "Zena..."

"I get it Gaara." I took another step away from him.

He didn't let me get far. His arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind and held onto me with more strength than necessary. "You're not. You're not disgusting. You're not getting it."

I shook my head.

"It would be best if you didn't come back. It would be best for you if you had nothing to do with me. You'd be safer." He whispered.

My eyes shot open wide. Was Gaara trying to protect me? Did he think that leaving me would be best? That it was what I wanted? Did he really blame himself and this was his solution?

And the nerve of him... to make that kind of a decision on his own!

I felt a small flare of anger. "Gaara you-"

"But!" He interrupted me. "I can't. It might be best but I can't."

He spun me around and gripped my face in both hands. "I can't do it. I can't let you go."

Tears sprung to my eyes.

Gaara took my hand, turned the palm up and placed a kiss on it. "Mine." He said.

Gaara kissed my cheek, catching a salty drop. "Mine."

He kissed my forehead. "Mine."

We fell onto our knees together. He looked me in the eyes and kissed my lips.

"Mine. I don't care what anyone says. You're mine. I swear I'll never let anyone touch you. You're mine. Even if you want to leave, I probably couldn't let you." He said between kisses. " Do you get it? You're mine. All mine. Only mine.

Finally the tears came at full force. I felt those from the pain of yesterday, from the frustration and anger Gaara gave me earlier, and the ache of happiness. "Y-yours." I agreed. "Yours."


	28. Growing

I sat in my little apartment with Gaara at my side. The TV was on but neither of us could tell what was playing. Zakari laid with his head on my lap and was long since asleep. I stroked his hair gently, my own head on Gaara's shoulder. It had been a week since the attack. Gaara hadn't been willing to leave me alone since. Even when I went to shoots he wanted to tag along and watch. I didn't mind.

"Did you hear Naruto got accepted into university?" I asked.

"Yeah. Shikamaru told me." Said Gaara.

"Ah. Isn't Shikamaru going to some ivy league school oversees?" I heard rumors that he'd gotten an offer to go wherever he wanted.

"No." Said Gaara. "He got offered a place in the best private school in the world, but he turned it down. I think he may be getting a job in the government, doing something in the nuclear field."

I nodded. "Stuff we couldn't comprehend basically?"

Gaara flicked my nose. "I'm not as stupid as you."

I gave him a playful glare. He kissed me and we melded back into silence.

"Looks like everyone's moving on. Sakura with medical school, Itachi with his copany, Kisame is joining the navy. Deidara and Sasori are both selling artwork hm? Or was Sasori going to college for his art?"

"Sasori's into puppets like Kankuro. From what I hear he's already made a name for himself in the industry. Kankuro's jealous."

I laughed. "Kankuro has talent himself. Zakari loves his puppets."

"Yeah. Who knows, maybe Zakari will take the same path."

I nodded. "It'd be nice if he'd be an engineer though. Put me up in a nice house forever." I winked.

"Mmm. Keep rising in the modeling and you'll be the one putting him up for life." Gaara reminded me.

I looked up at Gaara curiously. "What about you? You never talk about what you're doing."

He let out a long sigh. "I'm... Well I suppose I have to take over Sabaku"

I raised an eyebrow. "Not Kankuro?"

He shook his head. "No. Kankuro couldn't handle it. He loves his puppets too much. I don't want to make Temari loose her dream job either. I'm the only one without a goal. It makes sense."

"Where's the company now? I mean who's running it since your parents..."

"A representative. Until I graduate a man named Baki is running it."

I thought that was rather selfless of him to let his siblings have first choice of a career. Sabaku was an immense company. In the beginning they started out in the entertainment business, creating movies. Then it grew to merchandise, television shows, record signing and the like. They now had resorts, stores, and almost everyone knew the name Sabaku. Of course there were few who knew that Gaara was the future owner of said company.

It was also why his siblings were doing whatever they wanted career wise. They didn't have to worry about money.

"But isn't this a good thing? You're smart. You'll probably wind up doing great things." I said.

He made an affirmative grunt and went quiet for a moment. Zakari stirred between us.

"I'll put him to bed." Said Gaara. He stood with the little boy and disappeared into the room.

I found it interesting to watch their interactions. At first Zakari rather disliked Gaara because I disliked him. But I think that Zakari took to Gaara even faster than I did. I'd caught him bragging to some of his daycare friends how cool his new 'dad' was. Of course I didn't mention that to Gaara.

It also made cause to be wary. Having a child put me in a situation with men. I never realized it before Gaara, but if I dated casually it would confuse Zakari. He didn't need men coming and and out of his life. Which is why if things didn't work out with Gaara it would be like breaking up with Zakari as well. It was a gamble on both parts.

"You seem distracted." Said Gaara.

I hadn't noticed he'd sat back down. "Ah sorry. Just thinking."

Gaara wrapped an arm around me and I cuddled against him, trying to focus on the TV but the pictures didn't make sense. I ended up turning my head to face Gaara.

He leaned down a little and kissed me. But he stopped almost immediately and pulled back.

I clenched my fists into his shirt. "I'm sorry."

I was still so tense. Whenever he kissed me I froze. I couldn't get past this hurdle.

"I'll wait." Gaara promised.

That made me feel worse. I thought of Konan and Pein. They'd gotten past it. We could too right?

"Gaara, Konan told me the same thing happened to her."

He nodded.

"Can... can you tell me a little more? I'm wondering how they got over it." I asked.

Gaara didn't respond immediately. He took a deep breath, thinking.

"It was a little different for them." He said.

"Hm?"

"Pein was known for being cruel in fights back then. Nobody could touch him. I probably still can't. So ten rivals got together. Understand that these weren't normal gangsters. They were all leaders. And they were all strong."

"Strong as you?" I questioned.

"Every single one of them were just as strong, if not stronger than I am now. It probably wasn't easy to get them together. But they united in their hate for Pein fast. They targeted Konan like the Sound did you. The difference was, they made Pein watch."

It was hard to imagine ten people as strong as Gaara coming together. I flinched when he said the last part, hand over my mouth. "That's horrible... How could anyone... how did Pein stand it?"

"He didn't. The ten of them couldn't restrain him by force though. They threatened Konan's life. So of course he did whatever they said."

"How did it end?"

"When it was done, they thought he'd be to busy with Konan to go after them immediately. They thought they could escape."

Gaara's look was dark and his shoulders had become tense. "But they didn't get far. Pein tracked down each of them. This is how he got his reputation."

I swallowed. "What happened to them?"

"Three haven't woken up. Two are in wheelchairs. One is a vegetable and another still hasn't been found. The other three survived without any permanent damage."

"J-just how strong is Pein?" I stammered. If Pein could defeat ten people as strong as Gaara, on what level would that put him? Was he even truly human?"

Gaara looked up at the ceiling. "Nobody knows. I fought him once. I'll never do it again. Only one person has fought him and been able to hold his own. The fight ended before either of them won but it wasn't looking good for Pein."

"Who?" I tried to comprehend someone that strong. Nobody came to mind.

"You wouldn't believe me." Gaara sighed.

"I will. Tell me." I poked his side.

Gaara reluctantly sighed, admitting defeat. "It-"

A loud knock on the door interrupted us.

"Sorry." I sent him a smile.

"Who's visits you at eleven?" Gaara stood with me.

"Probably Utakata or Naruto." I walked to the door and opened it.

Utakata stood there in his signature blue yukata. He smiled and raised a hand in greeting. "Zena. I was afraid you might be asleep. I'm relieved."

"Ah no. I'm cutting back on beauty sleep. Wouldn't want to get in trouble for attracting attention away from the clothes I model." I winked.

Utakata let out a small laugh. "If that was a problem I think we'd be out of jobs."

"We? You flatter yourself too much." I teased. "Oh! Come on in." I stepped aside and let Utakata walk in. He helped himself to the sofa.

When I went to sit next to him Gaara wrapped an arm around my middle and redirected me to a chair with him. It was a tad embarrassing, sitting on his lap. But something about the hint of jealousy made me feel wanted.

"What's keeping you up though?" I tilted my head.

Utakata cleared his throat. "One of those nights. Are you ready for the commercial shoot tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Yeah. A little excited. My first commercial for a big brand. I heard it's going to be a little chilly up north."

"Yes. We'll be flying out. The plane will depart at six in the morning. Will you be ready by five?"

"Mhm. I'm hitching a ride with you right?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you that."

"Actually." Gaara interrupted. "I'll take her."

I raised an eyebrow. "But-"

"I'm coming with you guys. I already cleared it remember?" Gaara said, his face like stone.

I sent him a smile. "Of course. I'll go with you then."

Gaara seemed pleased by this. He leaned back in the chair.

"We'll be staying overnight." Said Utakata. "That was something Tobi just texted me. So you'll know to pack."

I frowned. "What about Zakari?"

"Temari can watch him." Offered Gaara

"It's settled then. I'll leave you two to enjoy the night. Try to get some sleep Zena." Utakata bowed.

For the tenth time that night I nodded. "Night Uta."


	29. Running with the River

"Closer! Lean down! Twirl! Yes smile. Smile. Happy happy happy!"

I moved with the camera. The set for the shoot was a very nice winter ocean look. We had on thick coats. This was probably the fourth outfit I'd tried on that day. It was a rocky ocean with a boat and a dock. The sun was close to setting by now. For the past half hour I'd been twirling around on a rock, the boat, and the deck. I felt silly but so relaxed.

Gaara was standing with the rest of the crew. I sent him the occasional smile.

"Send us that flirty look. Kick some water with your boots." Called the director.

I did as he said. I twirled, kicked a little water. I tried to balance on the wet dock, placing my arms out.

"Cut!" He yelled. I stopped and looked at him expectantly.

"Brilliant." He gave me a thumbs up. "Very good. Let's bring Utakata back now. We're going to head over to the rocks. Utakata are you ready?"

Utakata walked out of a tent. He was dressed to kill, his outfit matching mine well. We walked together to the next scene.

"How are your shoes?" He asked, leaning in.

"Killing me. Yours?"

"I'm about to throw them in the water." He admitted with a half smile.

The director let the camera's set up again as we made ourselves familiar with the new scene.

"Okay back to the romantic set up."

Whenever I was pared up with Utakata directions weren't shouted out. Occasional twirks would be made but in general we'd have some free roam to move however.

"ACTION!"

First Utakata helped me up onto the rock. He wrapped his arms around me and we spent a minute looking out at the sunset. I smiled and he would laugh and return a mischievous look that said he knew something we didn't.

Then he took my hands and we intertwined them, holding each other in different positions. He spun me around and our movements melded into a slow dance. Our faces came teasingly close several times and he kissed me on the cheek.

"Closer!" the director called.

Utakata spun me around. I had the distinct feeling that he was in charge of this shoot, he was the one leading and making it into whatever he wished. I was just going along with it. That was the difference in our experience levels and skill.

We ended our standing game and I lay down on the rocks, something that was rather uncomfortable. He laid besides me and we positioned our bodies perfectly for the sunset to hit our sides. The camera's spun around us. Utakata rubbed my arm. I placed mine behind his head. He went in for the killer kiss.

He came back up. The thing about the shoot was, whatever we did, it wasn't real. This was pretend. We both understood that and it was well because the last thing we needed were emotions getting involved.

"Try that again, I want the camera's to get a close shot with the sunset like that." The director commanded.

We wound up meeting lips a few times with different angles until the director was satisfied. After that we changed. I sat down on the rocks and Utakata bent over for another kiss. We danced on a boat, twirled around some more and acted like we were having a good time. Which we were. I only wished the clothes had been more comfortable.

Finally the director called it quits for the day and sent us off with praise. Utakata and I sat in the tent together, wiping off piles of makeup.

"Good work today." He praised.

"You were't too bad yourself." I winked.

He rolled his eyes. "When did you turn into such a narcissist?"

I playfully nudged his shoulder. "That's all your fault. If such a big shot wasn't always modeling with me I'd be sure to sober up."

This actually brought a laugh from the older model. "I doubt it love."

The tent flap opened loudly. Utakata and I turned from our mirrors to the intruder I grinned when I saw Gaara. "I'm almost done with my makeup. Then we can all go back to the hotel together."

Gaara remained silent, making me look up from the mirror. He was standing right besides me. I looked up in earnest curiosity. He seemed to be trying to make up his mind on something with his face distorted with concentration.

"Are you hungry?"I asked finally.

Gaara slowly nodded. "Sort of."

"Ah, we can all stop somewhere. Are there any good places here Utakata?"

"It's eight Zena. We shouldn't be eating." He reminded me.

I frowned. "But it's sort of in celebration. A small salad wouldn't hurt hm?"

Utakata remained still.

"Oh come on. You can't refuse me." I gave him a sweet look.

He sighed. "Fine. There's a famous fish house nearby. We can hit it on our way back. You owe me, bending the rules I've obeyed for five years."

"Which is why you're my favorite." I winked. Then I turned to Gaara. "So how does Fish sound?"

Gaara was behaving oddly. I could sense it. He looked between Utakata and I several times.

"Gaara?" I asked again.

He shook his head. "Fish is fine."

* * *

><p>Gaara and I shared a room that night. Gaara had remained eerily silent for the entire time since the shoot was over. Even Naruto would have noticed something was wrong. I came up behind him when he was unzipping his bag and put my hands on his shoulders, rubbing them.<p>

"You seem out of it. Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

He was still silent, his shoulders tense.

I rested my forehead on his shoulder. "You can tell me."

He touched my hand. "Zena."

In a second he'd spun around, still holding my hand. I searched his eyes for an answer to what was wrong.

His lips crashed down on mine before I could find what I was looking for.

I tensed at first out of instinct. But slowly I relaxed. Gaara waited for that until he deepened the kiss. I wrapped my legs around him on the bed. "I'm better now." He said.

I laughed at him. "If a kiss is all it takes to turn your entire attitude around..."

"Hm?"

"I wonder what a little more would do?"

Gaara grinned, clearly liking where the conversation was going. "Should we find out?"

Then someone knocked on the door, snapping us out of our bliss.

Gaara groaned.

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly. "Might be important."

I opened the door to see Utakata there.

"Was I interrupting something?" He asked.

_yes _I thought bitterly before shoving it aside and shaking my head no.

"Mm. Good. Do you have sweats?"

I nodded. "I have pajama sweats. Why?"

"Let's go for a jog. Tobi said there may be a few reporters loitering about. Besides, exercise would do us both good."

I didn't feel like jogging. "Ah sorry, but I haven't got a shirt."

"I'll be back in a few minutes with one. Be ready." He turned around before I could make up another excuse.

I let out my own small groan of annoyance. "Well there goes that." I mumbled.

"Tell him no." Said Gaara. He kissed my neck.

I shook my head and pulled away, walking over and taking off my pants to change into sweats. I removed my top and placed on a sportsbra. "Sorry Gaara. He's right. We need to be seen together more. And I've been lazy with my exercise."

Gaara poked my stomach. "Doesn't look like it."

I rolled my eyes. "Sweet talker. I'll be back in an hour mkay?"

Gaara reluctantly nodded. The door reopened and Utakata handed me a shirt.

Before I could slip it over the Bra Utakata narrowed his eyes and leaned over so he was parallel to my stomach and to a small cut right above my hip bone. It was left over from Ukon. I tensed.

"What's this mark? We have a swimsuit shoot in two days. How did this come about?"He looked up at me suspiciously.

I couldn't think of an excuse. My mouth felt dry.

Utakata reached out and touched it. "It will be hard to cover up Zena. You're a model. Why aren't you more careful with you body?"

Gaara stood up as soon as Utakata touched the cut. He grabbed Utakata's wrist.

I blinked. Utakata looked up at Gaara now, his eyes testing."Something wrong?"

"Who do you think you're touching?" Asked Gaara.

Utakata pulled his wrist away and gave a calm look. "Try to control your jealousy. It's unattractive."

"Don't touch her." Gaara crossed his arms threateningly.

Utakata seemed close to laughing with amusement. "You do realize our profession?"

Sensing something bad growing I stepped in. "Okaaaay boys. If we're going to return before midnight we'd best get going Utakata."

I slipped on the shirt and gave Gaara a small peck on the cheek. "I'll be back."

He grunted but didn't push any issues. I walked off with Utakata, waiting till we got down to a sandy part of the beach.

"Sorry about that." I said. "He's just a little protective."

"A little?" Utakata asked, starting to jog.

I chased after him. "I don't mind it. Makes me feel wanted." I smiled.

"I think you're a masochist." Utakata shook his head.

I laughed loudly. "I think that sometimes too."

Utakata shook his head in disbelief again. "Wanna race?"

"Where?"

"To the river?"

"You're on. Ready, set-" I sped up before I said go. Utakata picked up his pace.

It was pitch black, the stars and moon our only light. We ran in the sand, sweat forming on our bodies. I felt Utakata catching up to me and tried my best to speed up. But Utakata gained on me and I had a feeling he was merely toying with me. I closed my eyes and tried even harder but my lungs felt like they might explode.

"Zena!"

I opened my eyes just in time to see the log in front of me. I tried to pivot around it but my legs tangled up and I went down.

I stayed down, rolling onto my back and looking up at the stars. I chuckled.

Utakata tilted his head back and laughed. "You're so messy."

"But cute." I laughed.

He sat down next to me. "And Hopeless."

"Not to mention a masochist." I winked.

He agreed with me. We looked up at the sky.

The ocean sang a theme song for us, crashing against rocks in the distance.

"So this is a tie right?" I asked.

Utakata shook his head with another laugh. "Sure." He plopped down next to me and we looked up at the sky.

"Do you ever wonder where we're going?" He asked.

I turned my head to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's the point in all of this? I feel like I'm the ocean, always moving but always coming back to the same place and same patterns."

I frowned. "What are you running away from?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're not at all like the ocean. You're more like a river. You're running forward And I get the feeling that you'll never return to the same place Utakata. Like, if I take my eyes off you you'll disappear. What's making you run like this? I don't know a thing about you."

Utakata didn't answer at first. He took his time looking away from me and up at the stars. "I don't have a family. I was raised in an orphanage until Tobirama recruited me on the streets. I was fifteen. He took me in as his own."

There had to be more to it, but I didn't push. Utakata wasn't someone who talked about himself often. What he'd just revealed to me was probably unknown information.

"What's wrong with wanting to move forward?" Utakata returned.

I shrugged. "I just feel that, if you never slow down you miss so much. Take the stars for example. Isn't it pretty? Hear the ocean. Feel the sand. Smell the salt. This day will never happen again. We can try to recreate it but tomorrow will be a different day. We'll never hear the ocean and see the stars and feel the sand in the exact same way again. It will always change. And if you don't slow down..."

"You won't see it." Utakata smiled. "You believe in living every moment to the fullest hm?"

"Yeah. Live like you're dying I guess. I mean, if you died tomorrow what would you wish you did today?" I asked.

Utakata rolled over on his side. "What would I wish I did..." He contemplated. He opened his mouth and I waited for him to continue. But he sighed and plopped back down, obviously changing his mind on something.

"I wonder..." He mumbled.


	30. In five years

Gaara's aloof attitude went back to normal about a week after we returned. Or perhaps I merely got accustomed to it. In my defense, my schedule was piling up and it left almost no time at all for freedom. Between graduation and school there would be perhaps two hours a week for the two of us.

It was nice that he went still with me to shoots. He would attend all my shows, and was overly-supporting just by being there. Utakata and I continued to grow close as well. He was one of those people you could talk to for hours without realizing time had even gone by. This came in handy during flights and car rides.

Soon enough the day came when we graduated from Konoha High. It was met with tears and celebration It was odd to leave everyone behind at this point.

I stood in the large field after it was all done, the students and parents mingling. Zakari clutched my hand tightly. We strained through the crowd to see.

A bunch of red caught my eye and I made my way towards Gaara. He was standing with the other boys from our class and his gang. His siblings were behind him.

Before I made it across the field Zakari stopped walking.

"Uta!" He shouted, waving.

I lit up in a smile and turned to see the aproaching figure, dressed handsomely in jeans and a shirt and hiding his face with sunglasses. "You came?"

He nodded and held out a small bouquet of lilies. "Congratulations."

"How'd you know?" I asked, taking them.

"Hm?"

"That lily's were my favorite." I asked. I never cared for roses, finding their smell stifling. Lily's on the other hand were my favorite flower by far.

Utakata sent me that grin he used for the camera, his signature 'I know something you don't' look.

I shook my head. "You're a pain." We continued to cross the field towards Gaara and his gang. When we were closer Zakari let go of my hand and ran up to them.

I sighed. "He never runs out of energy hm?"

"He's a good match for you. Where would you be if you didn't have him to keep up with?"

"I'd still have you." I pointed out. "You never sit still either."

Utakata chuckled.

"Oi, Zena." Kankuro spotted me first. "Who's this?" He nodded to Utakata.

"A friend." Utakata said and nudged me.

I laughed. Only a boy could miss his identity. He'd gained a multitude of fans with the hype over the new movie to be released in half a year.

"I thought you were shooting today Utakata." Gaara interrupted. His arms were crossed.

"Gaara be nice." Temari hit the back of his head. Somehow she managed to sneak up besides Utakata without us even noticing. "So, Utakata wasn't it? Zena's told me a lot about you."

"No I h-" Her look made me stop. I suppressed a laugh and stood closer to Gaara and the others. "Congrats." I kissed his cheek.

He gave me a smile back. "Who gave you the flowers?"

"Utakata. Nice huh?" I held them out to him to look.

He did not seem interested. He glanced away. "So, tonight the gang and friends are planning to go to the movies in celebration. A sort of last-meeting since we're all separating. You will come right?"

I grimaced. "Actually Gaara... I'm so sorry but... well Utakata and I have a shoot."

"After school on graduation day?" Gaara looked disbelieving.

I nodded and rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah. Well the shoot is tomorrow at four in the morning. We're driving down today together."

"Why don't you drive in the morning?"

"I don't want him to be too tired." I laughed. "Utakata is a bad enough driver as it is."

"I heard that!"

I laughed. "Anyways, we'll be staying in a hotel."

Gaara glanced at the flowers. "Together?"

"Hm?"

"You'll be staying together?"

I nodded slowly. something seemed wrong but I couldn't identify it. What was wrong with Gaara? He'd been having odd mood swings lately.

"Gaara?" I touched his shoulder.

He let out a long sigh and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Zak?"

The little boy looked up.

He took the flowers from me and handed them down. "Hold these for your mom 'kay?"

Zakari was more than happy to oblige, showing them off to everyone. Gaara rotated how we were standing in a peculiar way. He looked over my shoulder at something. Before I could investigate what he was seeing he tilted my chin and gave me a long kiss.

I smiled. "Gaara?"

"Have fun with your shoot then. When you return we'll have a proper date hm?"

"Of course. Would you like to come over on... hm." I tried to remember my schedule. I knew the next three days would be with Utakata shooting, and after that...

"Next Sunday." Utakata said from behind me. "We have a shoot to leave for at noon so before then you're free correct?"

I lit up. "Yes! Perfect! Does that work for you Gaara?"

Gaara had that disturbed look on his face again but he pushed it back and agreed that it would be a perfect day. "And I'll take you to the shoot afterwards. Utakata, you needn't bother yourself with it."

I glanced between the two boys but let it drop as they did.

* * *

><p>Gaara spent Saturday night with me. He even agreed to go to bed early as I was getting accustomed to doing. We woke at seven. Or at least I did. When I opened my eyes Gaara was gone. I sat up rather quickly, a tad worried as to where he could have gone. I could see the bathroom through my open bedroom door and there was no light on.<p>

I was about to get out of bed when I heard a crash in the kitchen. Panic set in instantly, unsure if Zakari had woken early and gotten into anything.

"Damnit!"

I blinked.

"Oooh you said a no-no!"

I laid back in relief. Whatever was going on, it sounded like Gaara and Zakari were handling it well. I snuggled into the warm blankets for a little more before another crash stirred my curiosity and I stood slowly, slipping on a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top.

Zakari and Gaara stood in the kitchen. Zakari was on top of the counter, a pot in his hand. Gaara was covered in flour and the entire kitchen was a disaster. But a pleasant smell was coming from a pan on the stove. I snuck up behind them and grabbed Zakari off the counter. "What do you think you're doing punk?"

He squealed with delight. Gaara turned around. "Oops, guess mom caught us."

"Nooo!" Zakari squirmed out of my grasp and ran back to Gaara.

I laughed and let Gaara give me a morning kiss.

"What's all this?" I asked.

Gaara handed me a cup of black coffee as I took a seat at the bar. "We wanted to make some breakfast."

I nodded. "How's it going?"

He scrunched up his nose. "The waffles turned black, the eggs stuck to the pan, and the orange juice turned like water with less taste. But the bacon's smelling decent."

I had to cover my mouth.

"Are you laughing?" Accused Gaara.

I shook my head quickly. "Of course n-not."

Gaara narrowed his eyes. "Likely story. Care to tell me if I was supposed to use butter or oil for the bacon? I used butter."

I raised an eyebrow. "You've never cooked before have you?"

He shook his head no.

I sighed. "You don't need oil for the bacon. But if you place the eggs in after you're done with it they should cook without sticking. Oh, and turn the pan down a little would you?"

Gaara nodded reluctantly. He disliked not succeeding at things, but cooking wasn't something he was familiar with. Apparently housekeepers always cooked for him before. Now his sister took over duties there or he went out to eat. Come to think of it, he never did help me when I cooked dinner for Zakari and him.

"This Is rather sweet of you." I smiled. I helped myself to three plates, setting them at the bar for us. "But cleaning it up will be painful."

"That's why you're useful." He winked.

I rolled my eyes. "The truth comes out."

Gaara laughed. In a few minutes I had some overcooked bacon and an egg on my plate, Zakari and Gaara matching. We sat together and I picked at the eggwhite. I didn't have the heart to admit to Gaara that I could not eat what he cooked. Not because it looked bad, but because of my diet. The Bacon was too high in fat and the Egg was soaked in grease. I did cut it up though and slip a little on Zakari's plate when he was not looking.

Gaara glanced over at me several times. "Hm..."

"Yes?" I nudged him.

"Where do you think we're going with this?" He asked.

I shrugged. "We've been dating what is it... six, seven months?"

"Around there."

I took a sip of coffee. "Where do you think all of us will be in five years?" I asked.

Gaara crossed his arms on the table. "Well, Naruto will be a governor living in the city. Shikamaru will have a house and a wife in the country and probably a son by then. Kankuro and Temari will still be annoying, living at home."

I nodded at the vision.

"Kisame will be a general in the military. Itachi and Sasuke will be spoiled little rich boys in engaged marriages but Itachi will probably end up loving his wife, whoever it is. Hidan and Kisame will probably be in prison by then. Sasori and Deidara might start up a gay love affair." He joked.

I nearly spit out my coffee. "Oh that would be the day."

Gaara laughed loudly. "Yes. Hmm who else... ah! Neji has to take over his company as well. He'll be wed to Tenten. I don't think it's politically correct with his family but he's been changing lately. Pein and Konan will be married, probably moved to the Oceanside up north. They both like the rain and ocean."

"Mhm. And us?" I questioned.

"We'll visit Pein and Konan sometimes. We're going to have an apartment in the city. We'll have a small dog, even though I'll have tried to argue with you for a bigger one. You'll always be gone doing shoots and I'll be stuck at work with Zakari in my office. And when you return I'll be jealous."

"Why will you be jealous?"

"Because I'll have seen you all over another man in a commercial on TV. And you'll be angry at me for feeling that way but in the end you'll forgive me."

"Why?" I laughed.

"Because in five years, I'll have made you fall in love with me." He winked.

I looked at him differently. Gaara meant what he said. Those future visions weren't just a joke to him. He truly saw that.

I smiled. "You know what, I think I'd like that. If things work out that way."

Gaara took my hand. "When. Not if. They will work out that way. Remember?" He kissed my palm. "You're mine."

"Yours." I smiled.

"Zaks!" Zakari grabbed my other hand and kissed it. I ruffled his hair.

"Yes, you'rs too."


	31. Jealousy

"I don't care for the pink." I complained to Gaara, pointing at my hair.

Gaara shrugged. "It looks good on you."

I groaned. "It'll wash out luckily. How do I look?" I stepped back.

Gaara took in my grunge outfit. It was a street rat look, one I was familiar with.

"Zena on standby!" Someone called.

I gave Gaara a pat on the shoulder since I couldn't kiss him. He was intent on watching the editorial shoot of me and Utakata.

I joined up with Utakata in front of the camera in the deserted subway. He was dressed in grunge with a bit of a french feel to it. As handsome as ever.

The shoot started out with some very light and fluffy pictures. We went out on the streets and up on a building roof which overlooked the town on a semi-cloudy day. We kissed a few times, walked around some more, and there seemed to be a lingering darkness.

Then the darkness grew. We seemed to be clinging to one another. Utakata looked as weary as his character and it made me step up to the plate with my acting skills. We kissed and hugged as if someone was trying to pull the other away.

Darker and darker the shots got until we separated and I went with the camera down to the subway. I sat in a puddle they'd made. I felt hopeless like my character. Like I was down in a hole and I'd never build myself back up to the happy days. My lover had been ripped away.

The last shoots were back up on the streets with a ripped jacket and a fag between my lips. It was near dusk when they called the rap.

I met up with Utakata. "Good work." I patted him on the back.

"Same."

"Where's Gaara?" I asked.

He shrugged.

I wandered around looking for him but couldn't find him anywhere. I saw a worker who had been escorting Gaara.

"Um, hello. Have you seen Gaara? Male with red hair, about yay high?" I held my hand up.

The escort looked up to me. "Oh! He went home already."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Oh..."

Utakata came up besides me. "Something wrong?"

"Ah no just a little surprised. Gaara left already. Let's get dressed. I'll find my phone and call him."

Utakata nodded. "I'll drive you home."

"Thanks."

This was a first Gaara had ever left me before at a shoot. It made me worried if everything was okay. I'd hoped some emergency hadn't come up.

* * *

><p>My worry was in vain. Gaara answered me the second time I called and said he remembered he'd left his television on at home. I was glad it wasn't anything serious and I couldn't exactly be mad at him. Though, I was unaware he'd gotten a TV in his room.<p>

Utakata and I separated as far as shoots went for a few months after that because of his movie. His acting parts were being targeted so I had to give him up. It was weird doing all solo shoots and shows, but we kept our promises and didn't have partner shoots with anyone else. And when we had time we met up for dinner or jogs to keep the media on our tails. The closer it came to the release date for his movie the more popularity he got. And the more I got by default. I'd even been invited to several interviews on TV with him.

By October I'd been missing my shoot partner something terrible. Gaara hadn't been stopping by as much either due to his schooling starting up. He was insanely busy with learning how to run a company. If I wanted to see him I had to make time to stop by his office. Still whenever I was home he stopped by my apartment and spent the night.

It was one of those nights, with Zakari tucked away in bed, that I sat up waiting for Gaara who'd promised a visit.

Finally someone knocked. I flung the door open eagerly, my face falling only a little when I saw Utakata and not Gaara.

"Expecting someone else?" Utakata smiled.

I shook my head and moved aside for him to come in. "Of course not. Come in. What's up?"

"These." Utakata flung a pile of magazines on the table. "Tobirama dropped them off, thought I'd share them. I know you've been too busy to stop by a store lately. But we're all over the news."

I picked up the first magazine. Utakata and I were on the cover embracing each other for a shoot in a romantic sunset-style kiss. A great deal of the pictures in the magazines were like that, but the other half were all street-style. Utakata and I seen laying in the sand together. Jogging with our shirts missing, eating dinner together. There was even a picture where he'd grabbed my hand to keep me from tripping. Of course you couldn't tell by the picture he was only trying to help me.

"Looks like we're dating according to the media." He smiled.

I sighed. "Thank goodness they haven't heard about Gaara. I wouldn't want them thinking I'm a two-timer." I laughed.

Utakata agreed and flipped through a magazine. "Yes. Look at this one?" He pointed to one of us running, the one where I was in a mere sportsbra.

"Oh god the subtitle." I laughed. "_-seems to be trying hard to catch his eyes. Does he notice?"_

We looked at the next panel of him removing his shirt. "_It would appear that yes, yes he does!" _Utakata read the next line with his own chuckle.

I shook my head. "Well this is what Tobi wanted hm? No wonder why the shoot offers have been pouring in."

"Oh yes, has nothing to do with your looks or skill." Utakata pulled on a stand of my hair.

I swatted his hand away. "Well of course my killer looks and unearthly talent make up for most of it."

"Better cut back on that beauty sleep a little more. Wouldn't want the tabloids thinking you're too good for me now would we?" Utakata said.

This caused me to throw my head back in laughter.

"Am I interrupting something?"

We spun around so fast I nearly fell off of my chair. Gaara had opened the door without a sound. Or did we forget to shut it. I hopped up. "'course not silly. You're late."

"Sorry. Paperwork. Looks like you weren't lonely though." He nodded to Utakata.

Utakata nodded a greeting back. "I was showing her the news." He placed the magazines back on the bar and stood. "I'll leave you two now though. Coffee tomorrow at noon Zena?"

"It's a date." I nodded.

He left and Gaara walked over to the bar. Something told me he didn't need to see the magazines. I took his hand in mine and pulled him away before he could see them. It was't that I was ashamed of the publicity. It wasn't true so there was no reason to be. Still, Gaara didn't need to know.

"I'm tired." I hinted, kissing him.

Gaara forgot about Utakata and the magazines and wrapped his arm around me. "I don't think you should sleep yet love."

"Me neither." I smirked.

With a mutual understanding we walked backwards into my bedroom, all other problems forgotten.

* * *

><p>I woke up alone. My first thought was Gaara had left for the office or school. But it was only six. There was no reason for him to be up so early. I slipped on clothes and walked into the main room. For some reason I didn't announce my presence. Gaara was hunched over the bar, looking at something.<p>

It took me a moment to realize the Magazines were there. I didn't have the courage to approach him, instead I slipped back into my room and into the bed, waiting for him to come and get me.

Gaara surely understood what those pictures were right? Utakata and I were friends, and the media took it too far. It was all for publicity.

Gaara would be out of line to be jealous or uncomfortable wouldn't he? Or was I saying that to make myself feel better?

I didn't want to think on it. If something was disturbing Gaara he surely would have spoken to me. He was that kind of a guy. I was pretty sure he was.

Yeah, I'd tell myself that.


	32. Falling Apart

The leaves on the trees began to wilt and in the blink of an eye they were bare. The ground was coated with a fluffy layer of snow. Christmas was on it's way and with it festive feelings were brought. Gaara and I put up a fake white tree in my apartment. On Christmas eve I stood looking between it and a large full-length mirror. I struggled to zip up my dress completely.

"Need help?" Utakata was asking, sitting on my bed.

I shook my head. "No... ugh. God you owe me. This premiere better be good."

"You don't want to be the first to see my movie?" He asked innocently.

I smiled. "Of course I have to support you. It wouldn't make sense if anyone but me was your date with the media lately. I swear they're getting a bit out of hand." I finished sipping up my dress. It was bright red, strapless and had a low back. Though it fell to the ground, there was a slit in it that went up so far I had to be careful.

Utakata nodded behind me.

"Honestly, how do they get these things to stay on?" I mumbled, double checking the dress. "It's so tight!"

"That's why it stays on." Utakata pointed out. He came behind me and slipped on a silver necklace. "I still wish you'd gone with blue."

"You can't wear your Yukata with red now can you?" I teased him. "I think you look strapping in a black suit."

He did look nice in a black and white suit. It was refreshing for him. Though his hair still hid one eye it would be too much to expect him to change that.

"Earrings?" I asked.

"No, not with the way the hairdresser curled your hair. You wouldn't be able to see them." He pointed out.

I saw what he meant. "You sure you're not gay? You're awfully in touch with this stuff." I teased.

He rolled his eyes. "No."

"How do you know? I've never seen you with a girl." I smirked. I touched up a bit of lipstick.

"Trust me." He handed me my purse. "Are you ready? Tobi sent someone with a nicer car over to get us."

I grabbed the purse and linked arms with him. "I might pass out before the nights over with this dress."

"I'll carry you out if I have to." He promised.

Just as we opened the door, someone else nearly knocked on my forehead. I stared at a startled Gaara.

"Zena?" He stammered.

I smiled. "Oh, sorry we were just leaving." I apologized.

"It's Christmas Eve." Gaara reminded me.

I furrowed my eyebrows at his puzzled look. "Didn't I tell you I was going to the Premiere with Utakata? His movie premiere? It comes out tomorrow."

Gaara shook his head slowly. "No. You somehow forgot to mention it."

I gave him a sorry, guilty look. "Oops. Yeah... did you want to do something?"

"It's Christmas tomorrow. I thought we'd spend the eve with Zakari."

"He's with Itachi. I'm really sorry Gaara. It must have slipped my mind."

"So you're going to the premiere with him, as his date?" Gaara took on that stony, emotionless look.

I hesitated, unable to respond. What was wrong?

Gaara opened and shut his mouth several times, finally taking a deep inhale. "It's fine. I'll just wait here for you to return?"

"The event won't be over till about three in the morn. Then we're going to pick up Zakari." Said Utakata.

Anger flashed on Gaara's face, but it was suppressed so fast I almost missed it. I might have even imagined it.

"But I'll come over tomorrow morning Gaara. I promise. I'm sorry again."

"Zena, the car. We can't be late." Utakata reminded me.

Something didn't feel right about leaving it like this.

"Yeah." Gaara grunted. "Just send me a text."

He moved for a kiss but Utakata interupted. "She can't mess up her makeup now."

Gaara stopped and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Whatever. Later Zena."

I thought that was a little bitter. Utakata was right though, we couldn't be late. I was forced to let Gaara go. I would have rather liked a kiss. I'd just settle whatever issues we were having the next day.

"You think I'm doing something wrong Utakata? I feel bad." I asked when we were in the car.

Utakata shook his head. "Don't. This is your job."

That didn't make me feel much better.

* * *

><p>Gaara forgave me. He returned to his smiling self for Christmas It was a nice day full of good food and games. We spent it with Zakari and Temari and Kankuro and oddly enough Shikamaru's family came over. I hadn't known they were so close, but found it funny when Temari and Shikamaru snuck off to talk on their own. To my knowledge they'd never met before. Perhaps it was the eggnog.<p>

At last the day died down. I laid down with Gaara in his room.

"You'll spend the night right?" Asked Gaara.

I nodded. "Yeah. It's Christmas Zakari loved the puppet Kankuro gave him by the way. I don't think he'll be letting go of it anytime soon. He likes it even more than the dog."

"Yeah. Don't let Kankuro know i told you this, but... he actually got that puppet's design from one Sasori did. He calls it the Black Ant."

We sat in silence, arms wrapped around one another. Then my phone rang.

"Don't." Gaara asked.

"It might be work." I looked at the ID. It was Utakata. "Sorry." I mumbled.

I answered the phone. "Hello?"

Utakata's voice was a little muffled on the other side. "Zena? What are you doing?"

"Hanging with Gaara. Why?" I asked, sitting up from Gaara's arms.

"Any chance I can get you out of the house tonight?" I heard a smile in Utakata's voice.

"I'm a little busy. What's going on?"

"Downtown there's a small A-list get together. There's a few big names gathering. Wondering if you's like to come down. It would be good publicity."

I glanced at Gaara. "I'm not dressed or anything. I think I'm just going to spend it with Gaara and Zakari."

Utakata was silent.

"What is it?" Asked Gaara.

"A party downtown with some big names. Utakata wanted to know if I wanted to come." I said.

Gaara crossed his arms. "Why would he invite you?"

"Well we are modeling partners." I pointed out.

Gaara sat back down. "You going then? Seems you'd do a lot for him?"

I asked Utakata to excuse me for a moment and covered the phone with my hand. "Gaara is something bugging you?"

"Nothing at all. You should go." Said Gaara that clearly said there was something wrong.

I sighed and put the phone back up to my ear. "Hey not tonight Utakata. Some other time hm?"

"Okay. Text me if you change your mind." He said. "Later."

"Later." I ended the call and placed the phone back in my pocket and walked back to the bed. "Gaara?"

"You two, whats up with it?"

"Utakata and I are friends."

"Yeah. I know." Gaara sighed. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

"Already? It's only nine?" I nudged him, sure there was something wrong. "Didn't you want to spend some _quality_ time?"

For the first time Gaara shrugged my touch off. He rolled over on the bed, leaving me sitting there completely put off and confused.

What was happening to us?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *puts on protective gear*<strong>


	33. Won't let it end

I meant to repair things between Gaara and I. Really, I did. But things got busy again and I never found the time to actually bring it up. Besides, soon enough he went back to normal. Occasionally I'd catch him distracted near a magazine stand. He no longer came to any of my shoots. He was busier and busier now too. With summer line coming up and with Utakata's movie over I was hardly home. Zakari and I were separated more and more. Thankfully Kankuro and Temari were always willing to take care of him and he never threw a fit when there were puppets involved.

The morning of July 15th rolled around. I had a shoot late that day up north. The ocean was dangerous up there, but apparently they wanted a daring look for the summer shoot. The wild ocean instead of the tropical beaches they normally went for.

Because I hadn't been spending much time with Zakari, Utakata and I decided we'd take Zakari with us and spend the night in a hotel and take the next day off and go sightseeing. Have a day of fun away from work. I'd invited Gaara but as always he refused.

I'd just flown in and taken a taxi to Gaara's house at six that morning. They let me out at the gate and I walked up their driveway to the house. Gaara hadn't offered to drive me. I had two reasons for coming to his house. First, I wanted to pick up Zakari. But before I did that I needed to finally talk to Gaara about what was bothering him. He'd been growing so distant lately.

It was terribly lonely. I felt the vision he had of our future in the city slipping slowly away. I wasn't about to let that happen though. We'd been through too much to let the relationship slip now. Over a year and a half we'd been together. Zakari was too attached to let it fall through.

_I _was too attached to let it fall through. Hell, I probably loved him. But I hadn't told him yet.

Temari waved me inside. "You're early."

"Yeah. Sorry about that. Is Gaara in? He didn't text me back." I asked.

"In his room. I'll get Zakari's stuff together."

I thanked her and walked off to Gaara's room. I knocked but he didn't respond. This wasn't like him. I opened the door and saw him sitting at his desk in front of paperwork. He didn't turn around but he stopped writing when I entered.

"Hey I'm back." I said.

"Hey." He mumbled.

He acted like it hadn't been a week since we'd been able to talk. I put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm a little early. I thought maybe we could talk."

He turned around in his chair. "I thought you had a shoot later."

I sat down on the bed with a sigh. "Yea with Utakata. He's not picking me up for another half hour though."

"Of course. You and Utakata. Always Utakata" Said Gaara. He tried to brush it off in a joking tone but it came out too bitter.

I raised an eyebrow. "Somethings wrong isn't it? You've been a little down lately."

"Oh I'm surprised you've been able to notice what with your job and all."

I rubbed my temples. "I've been busy Gaara. It's hard work."

"Oh yes, making out with Utakata. How you're suffering." He spat.

I froze. These snide remarks weren't like him. "Gaara why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"

Gaara leaned back. "What's wrong?"

"Yes!"

Gaara put his chin in his hands. He closed his eyes. "We're wrong."

I stopped. "What do you mean? How can we fix it?"

"This whole thing is wrong Zena. I'm sick of trying to hold us together. I'm tired."

I rolled my eyes. "You've been working too hard Gaara. We can talk when you're well rested then."

"No." Gaara looked at me straight. I knew what was coming.

"I think we should... break up." He said.

My heart skipped a beat of fear. I shook my head and instantly rose. "No."

He raised an eyebrow.

"W-we can't break up Gaara. Come on, stop joking." I tried to smile. He had to be pulling one on me. We were going to live in an apartment in the city. We were going to visit Pein and Konan when they had their wedding and moved to the ocean. I loved him. I wasn't about to let him break up with me. It couldn't end like this.

"I'm not joking."

"Gaara I know things are rough but- I mean come on Gaara."

He shook his head. "Stop this."

"No. Gaara I'll fix it. Whatever I'm doing wrong I'll stop." I swallowed. "Please don't do this."

Gaara stared on impassively.

It couldn't end like this without reason. I was his, didn't he remember?

"Please..." I tried again. I didn't want to cry but I was getting close. "Gaara I'll do anything. Don't do this."

"Anything?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Yes." My heart jumped at the hope.

Gaara was silent for a while, just staring. Finally he opened his mouth. "Strip."

I had to have heard him wrong. "Eh?"

"Strip. If you'd do anything, strip."

I didn't know why I did it. Why I actually started to strip in front of him, letting each clothing garment fall. When I stood bare in front of him I sent him a confused, pleading look.

Gaara reached out for my hand. He pulled me close to him.

It was all I needed, that small act of wanting me. I almost smiled in relief.

But Gaara's eyes stopped me. How long had it been since I saw that dark look in them? That killer intent?

He held my hand a little too tightly.

"Blow me." He said.

I started.

"Blow me and we won't break up."

What sort of a joke was this? I had to look away and close my eyes to hold back tears.

Gaara let out a cold chuckle. "I-"

"Fine." I stiffened. "If I do, you'll stay with me?"

I opened my eyes, letting a few drops of moisture fall. The first I'd shed in over a year.

The dark look melted from Gaara's eyes. He let go of my hand. "It was a joke. Put your clothes back on."

I didn't move. "Gaara?"

"Why can't you get it Zena? It's over. Stop acting so pathetic, begging. Put your clothes on."

I felt a dagger stab at my heart. I dressed quickly, wiping away a few stray tears. My phone beeped, letting me know Utakata was probably outside. I wiped my eyes again. "I-I'll come back tomorrow night."

"Don't bother." Gaara turned back around.

"I will. I promised. I have to go now. Please think this over Gaara. Don't do this."

"Leave." He said.

Reluctantly I turned around. I may be clingy and pathetic, but I couldn't let it end! I couldn't let this be it. I loved Gaara and until I let him know at least that, I wouldn't accept that we'd broken up.

"I'll be back." I swore before walking out of the room.

* * *

><p>Instantly Utakata realized there was something wrong. But he waited until an hour of driving had passed and Zakari was asleep, clutching Black Ant in his tiny hands, before saying anything.<p>

"Did you have a fight?" He asked.

I nodded. "Something like that."

"What about?"

"I- I'm not sure but I think I was dumped." I laughed at how pathetic that sounded, wiping a tear away.

Utakata glanced at me. "You don't know why thought?"

"I don't get it. He's been cold lately. He stopped going to shoots with me. I don't know what's happening."

He let out a sigh that made me turn in wonder. "What is it?"

"Zena, do you have a girl you aren't too fond of?"

I struggled to think. "There was one named Sari in high school I guess."

"What would you do if Sari and Gaara hung out every day?"

I frowned. "Be a little annoyed."

Utakata nodded. "Now what if everywhere you looked you had to see pictures of them kissing or hugging. What if everyone thought they were dating? What if you had to hear people gush about what a cute couple they would make and even if they weren't dating, you saw evidence of it all over. He brushed you off to spend time with her. What would you do if when you came over at midnight he was with her, laughing?"

I couldn't fully ummagine it. I glared at the dashboard. "I'd be pissed of course. It wouldn't matter if it was pretend. Of course I'd probably-"

"Break up with him? Slap her? Don't you get it?"

"No. What does this have to do with our situation though?" I didn't want to even imagine Gaara with someone else.

"Because, how do you think Gaara feels seeing us all the time?" Asked Utakata.

I opened my mouth and it shut immediately.

I saw his point. It was such a sharp point it stabbed me. I gasped. Was that how Gaara felt? Did I make him feel so lonely? He never said anything. He'd watched Utakata and I kiss, embrace, practically date. He endured it all in silence for nearly a year and a half.

He had never once spoken up. Never told me. And I'd ignored it. I knew there was something wrong but I never slowed down to think. I never realized that I was the one causing him pain.

"Stop the car." I said.

"We have the shoot."

"I- It doesn't matter. I have to go back and apologize and talk to him Utakata. You just made me realize what I've done. I have to make it right."

Utakata glanced at me. "How about this, we'll drive right back after the shoot okay? We won't spend the night. Just make it through today okay? You can't abandon work."

I glanced with worry at my phone. No, I couldn't call him. It didn't seem right to do it over the phone.

"Fine. As soon as we return can you drop me off at his house? I'm sorry to bother you with this. But thank you. I can't believe I didn't see it before! Thank you Utakata!" I smiled.

I could fix this. Nothing could keep me from patching things up now. Even if I had to quit modeling and beg him to take me back. There was nothing that could stop me.


	34. untitled

"Mommy! Look!" Zakari hollered from the other side of the prep tent, flinging his puppet around.

I smiled. "Very nice."

"You didn't look." He pouted.

I pulled my eyes away from the mirror and watched him pull a few strings. "You're getting better every day. Now mom's got to work okay?"

The director glanced at Zakari with annoyance. "Rafi?" He called.

A boy entered the tend. "Yeah boss?"

"While we shoot do you want to play babysitter?"

I gave them an annoyed look. Zakari wasn't a bad kid. He could behave just fine. But... I supposed having someone assigned to watching him was a good thing. The waves in this part were known for taking lives every year. They were sneaky and if you turned around for just a second they'd grab you. I didn't want Zakari within ten meters of them.

"Mhm." Rafi walked over to Zakari.

"Hey Zakari come here a minute?" I asked.

Zakari ran up to me. "Yeah mom?"

"Do what the man says okay? Be good?"

He shuffled his feet and nodded.

"That's my boy. Stay away from the waves now. And if you're good maybe we'll stop for a treat on the way home okay?"

"Okaaaaay." Zakari agreed.

"Zena on standby!" I was called.

I stood up. "Be good. I love you." I kissed his forehead as I rushed out of the tent.

"I love you more!" He yelled after me.

With a last blown kiss I disappeared through the tent flap and saw Utakata Dressed in swimwear as well. It was chilly in a bikini but we bore with it for the sake of the shoot. It begun like every other shoot did. My mind was on Gaara though, so I found myself making more mistakes than normal.

It also meant the shoot was taking a little longer. I stumbled once when Utakata was twirling me. He laughed and I could not help but smile back.

"Clumsy." He teased.

I opened my mouth to find a response.

Something stopped me, filling my ears and blocking everyone else's words out.

The one sound no parent would ever want to hear, yet every one recognized.

The heart wrenching cry of their child.

My focus was narrowed. All else forgotten. Zakari was always screaming with joy and the occasional fit. But this cry was unlike any I had ever heard before. A cry of raw fear and despair and pain. I was the only one who heard the first cry. I spun around, frantically looking around for where it had came. By the second scream of panic my heart had stopped and Utakata had halted his posing.

Then the call of someone older hit my ears. A cry of panic from the man, Rafi, who was supposed to be watching Zakari. A hand was clamped over his mouth, his other pointing to the ocean.

My body trembled. It took a second to register what was happening.

I couldn't see him, but the waves were so high there was no way a grown man could survive their tossing. I lunged for the waves. My only thought was getting to Zakari. My only goal was the ocean. Propelling, throwing myself forward with self-abandon as any mother would do. His cry of despair was coming from those deathly waves.

But something, someone was stopping me from reaching the water. Someone was stopping me from getting to Zakari.

"NO!" I screamed as loud as my lungs could allow. "NO! THAT'S MY SON! THAT'S MY SON! LET GO!"

But the hands around my waste remained. I clawed, hit, tried to rip myself free. "ZAKARI! NO! NO! NO! LET GO OF ME! I'LL KILL YOU LET GO! ZAKARI!"

I screamed and begged for them to let me go to him. Let me save him. I wasn't the only one shouting but I didn't hear anyone else. I didn't feel anyone else.

The waves crashed slower than ever. If only I could get free. If only I could get to Zakari. He was screaming for me. He was wondering why I wasn't there. Why I wasn't saving him.

Suddenly the screams stopped.

I convulsed, falling with the weight of the person holding me.

Zakari was gone, and with him he'd taken all the light, the joy, the reason from my life.

Just like him, it was dead.

* * *

><p>A.N.<p>

Don't hate me! You wouldn't believe how hard, no how impossible it is to write this scene. I tried placing myself in her shoes but then a boy I'm helping to raise popped into my head and I was crying to hard to even finish writing it. Which is why this took me a few days. But unfortunately this scene is the only thing I've been sure of since I started writing the story.


	35. Moving On

_No POV_

* * *

><p>Gaara sat in his room, reading the same piece of paperwork for the tenth time that day. It was getting late, nearly midnight, but he couldn't focus. At this point he knew there was no use continuing. He was distracted still. He'd spoken to Zena out of rage earlier. He was jealous and lonely and hurt. He never meant to lash out like he did. And when it was done, he wanted her to hate him.<p>

So he made that cruel joke. He hated himself for what he'd done. He thought that when he asked her to strip she'd slap him. That when he told her to touch him she'd leave. She didn't and he knew why. It was wrong of him to take out his frustration like that and he regretted it. But she needed to see what her job was doing to him. He wanted her to break off the promise with Utakata and be only his.

Gaara hoped that Zena would return the next day and beg to take him back. He'd take her in a heartbeat. He loved her. So until she came he wouldn't be getting much sleep done.

But, the next morning came and Zena didn't come. He waited until noon for her, never leaving his room. He even skipped work. Did she decide she too was tired of it all? Gaara finally was pulled out of his room by hunger. Opening the fridge he was disappointed by it's contents. His sister was in the next room, watching the news

"Would you like me to go shopping Temari?" He called. He grabbed a carton of milk, the only thing left in the fridge.

She wasn't responding. Gaara walked towards the living room.

_"-the Accident at Devils Pier has the bikini brand under fire New footage has been released from the popular brand. We are told to warn viewers that the footage may be disturbing."_

Gaara sighed. Sounded like the regular news. All they talked about was death, war, and crimes.

Then Gaara heard a scream come from the TV, and one following it from his sister. He recognized that scream. His blood turned cold.

_**"-THAT'S MY SON! THAT'S MY SON!"**_

He knew that voice. Had heard nearly every tone of it. Never like that though. He stumbled into the living room, dropping the milk when he saw the TV. Temari was collapsed in front of it. All Gaara saw was Zena. Utakata had his arms around her, holding her back. Her eyes were frantic and she was trying to tear away from him. She looked feral. And that terrified Gaara. What could do that to her? What did she see that she needed to get to so bad?

Gaara knew.

The clip ended and a solemn reporter returned on camera. _"Sources say that three year old Zakari was in the care of his older sister and rising model Zena Ukitake when the incident happened. The coast guard is currently doing all they can to find and return his body to-"_

Gaara didn't hear anything more. He backed up into the wall and slid down it, hand over his mouth. For the first time since he was five, Gaara cried.

* * *

><p>Utakata made sure Zena had a private room at the hospital. The police brought her there and though some questioning would take place later, now was not the time. At first they put her under a sedative. Utakata stayed with her. For a week she stayed there, unmoving. Visitors continued to come but she refused to see anyone. Not Tobirama or Itachi or Naruto. Even Gaara was turned away by nurses. Utakata never left her side.<p>

When a week and a half had passed the nurses and therapists decided it would be best for her to leave the hospital. Utakata wheeled her out because like everything else, she had lost the desire to walk. He took her back to her apartment.

For a day Zena remained as she had for the past week. She sat on the couch and didn't move. Didn't talk. Didn't eat. No emotions came from her. A body without a soul despite Utakata's gentle coaxing. He sat beside her at last and looked around the apartment. A small dog puppet lay on the floor. Trying to help he picked it up to put it away. That was when Zena stirred.

She stretched her hand out for the puppet which Utakata handed over, eager to see signs of life. She flipped it in her hand and held it close to her heart. "No more." She whispered.

"Zena?" Utakata got on his knees in front of her, looking up with concern.

She opened her eyes and looked out the window. "I... I can't stay here. This apartment... This town..."

He understood. All of the memories would now be to painful. How could she remain in the house she and Zakari had played in? He hugged her. "You don't have to."

Utakata's shoulder was wet with her tears. "Take me away." She begged

"We'll start over." He promised. "Somewhere else. You'll never have to come back here. Never again."

Zena clutched the puppet, Zakari's first puppet, against Utakata's back. She knew this wound would never heal but it would never close if she remained in that apartment. Not with the memories surrounding her. She could still hear Zakari's laughter. She could feel his hands winding through her hair. Sometimes the only option left was to run away.

So run away she did.

* * *

><p>Sequel is now up :) Called: <strong>The Tragedy of Growing up<strong>**  
><strong>


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